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Deeds & Titles: Retitling the 'Self-Reflexive' Art

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Deeds & Titles: Retitling the 'Self-Reflexive' Art

Here's our take on (and retitling of) all 14 artestant's portraits showcased on last night's Work of Art.

 

Last night’s premiere of Work of Art challenged the artestants to create portraits of one another—in a metaphorical bring-out-your-subject’s-essence-or-something way. With only 13 hours to do so, the inaugural contest drew out a surprising amount of stellar pieces, including Miles’s episode-winning, neo-Pointilist portrait of Nao, Trong’s red-leather 3-D cube representation of John, and Abdi’s fiery painting of Ryan. On the chopping block was Amanda, whose overly abstract portrait of Jaime Lynn was called “very good wallpaper” by judge Jeanne Greenberg Rohatyn and “fall foliage fail” by us here at Bravo HQ. Here’s our take on all 14 wannabe works of art, replete with cheeky new titles and snap-judgment analysis.

John's Portrait of Trong

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Retitled: "Trong 3 Ways"
Artestant's Explanation: John wanted to show John in the multiple capacities that he occupies as a flowering creative figure: "writer, curator, artist."
Our Snap Judgment: Kind of a snooze--nothing quite captures the eye, and the "mirror reflections" of Trong's tri-polar self look like they were filled with Photoshop gradients our middle school self used to be fond of.

Trong's Portrait of John

ason-1-Episode-101-Rate-The-Art-Trong-Ng

Retitled: "John3"
Artestant's Explanation: There's really no need to explain why you would do a portrait on a faux snakeskin cube, so Trong took the opportunity to be humble: "I'm not 100 percent pleased with it."
Our Snap Judgment: The painting is great, and although we're at a loss as to why red snakeskin was in any way necessary to the work, we do know that art made on red snakeskin is universally awesome.

 

Mark's Portrait of Erik

on-1-Episode-101-Rate-The-Art-Mark-Velas

Retitled: "Making KITTENZZ Look Bad-Ass"
Artestant's Explanation: Mark had his amazing Photoshop skills to thank.
Our Snap Judgment: Okay, fine. The Photoshopping is pretty amazing.

 

Erik's Portrait of Mark

ason-1-Episode-101-Rate-The-Art-Eric-Joh

Retitled: "A Study in Clowns"
Artestant's Explanation: He kept saying something about being an "untrained" amateur.
Our Snap Judgment: We'll defer to judge Jerry Saltz on this one. As a portrait of Mark, the representation of Mark's likeness is "neither here nor there... this is a painting of a clown."


Peregrine's Portrait of Nicole

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Retitled: "Nudie Nicole"
Artestant's Explanation: Basically, Peregrine said that Nicole draws a lot of nudes, so she figured she'd give her a taste of her own medicine. Nicole's response: "It captures a part of me, but not 100 percent."
Our Snap Judgment: Nicole's right... there's something missing in this nude: her right boob is completely covered by a swatch of dangling hair.


Nicole's Portrait of Peregrine

son-1-Episode-101-Rate-The-Art-Nicole-Na

Retitled: "Falcon-Eyed Peregrine"
Artestant's Explanation: To paraphrase: your eye really can't miss this one.
Our Snap Judgment: Those blue eyes are intense.


Jaime Lynn's Portrait of Amanda

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Retitled: "Seeing Double: Amanda As Optical Illustion"
Artestant's Explanation: Jamie says "a little bit of glitz" gives the painting an air of "nobility."
Our Snap Judgment: Going with the nobility theme, this portrait could work well as an artsy


Amanda's Portrait of Jaime Lynn

n-1-Episode-101-Rate-The-Art-Amanda-Will

Retitled: "Ethereal Amanda"
Artestant's Explanation: Amanda didn't want to use Jaime's face as an identifying marker.
Our Snap Judgment: Fall Foliage Fail.


Miles's Portrait of Nao

-1-Episode-101-Rate-The-Art-Miles-Menden

Retitled: "Nao That's What We Call Neo-Pointilism"
Artestant's Explanation: The pixelated representation of Nao's face offers a "small little point of relief."
Our Snap Judgment: Love the over-embossed face double hovering above the main face, and also the re-imagination of late 1800's pointilism.


Nao's Portrait of Miles

on-1-Episode-101-Rate-The-Art-Nao-Bustam

Retitled: "Miles of Dots and Lines"
Artestant's Explanation: The dots and lines somehow represent Miles's face? Even the judges were perplexed, and she delivered this zinger: "I’m not responsible for your experience of my work."
Our Snap Judgment: Don't snap at the the people who hold your fate in their hands. Never, never get snippy with the judges.


Jaclyn's Portrait of Judith

son-1-Episode-101-Rate-The-Art-Jaclyn-Sa

Retitled: "Judith Is Burning"
Artestant's Explanation: The black-and-white face surrounded by a maelstrom of red hues captures Judith's resilient essence.
Our Snap Judgment: When Judith said that she "disliked the expression" Jaclyn put on her face, we had to laugh, because: while saying that with a grimace, the expression on her face was exactly that of Jaclyn's portrait.


Judith's Portrait of Jaclyn

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Retitled: "Jaclyn Is Purple and Proud"
Artestant's Explanation: The purple background and "proud" words captures Jaclyn's resilient essence.
Our Snap Judgment: Okay, it's abstract and all, but here's what comes to our mind when thinking about Purple Pride: (1) that was the slogan for our middle school track team, and (2) the gay pride parade.


Ryan's Portrait of Abdi

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Retitled: "Adbi After Impressionism"
Artestant's Explanation: Ryan got his panties in a twist when he saw his tiny, shriveled work of art next to Abdi's massive piece. "I'm worried about the scale," he said. This is pretty much the art world equivalent of male insecurity about penis size.
Our Snap Judgment: Forget about scale, the background colors are richly hued and perfectly Monet-esque.

Abdi's Portrait of Ryan

eason-1-Episode-101-Rate-The-Art-Abdi-Fa

Retitled: "Ryan Is Smoking, Hot"
Artestant's Explanation: Abdi says he really went outside of his "comfort zone" on this one.
Our Snap Judgment: If I had been a little more abstract, this could've beaten out Ryan's to be the winner.

Ramona Singer Opens Up About Her Single Life

The 'RHONY' star says she's not using Match or JDate to find love.

Now that Ramona Singer is back on the market, the Real Housewives of New York star has found the perfect way to get dates: her new N.Y.C. restaurant AOA Bar & Grill.

Weeks after teasing her latest venture, the businesswoman is sharing details of her new hotspot, in which she's an investor—and how she hopes the project will help her love life after splitting from husband Mario earlier this year.

"I love food, and I love being social," she tells the New York Post. "I'm single, and spend a lot of time alone now. I'm not going on JDate and Match—and gyms are no longer the place where you go to meet people. Neither are fancy restaurants."

I'm single, and spend a lot of time alone now. I'm not going on JDate and Match

Ramona Singer

The sassy single girl advises that fellow singles should make a reservation to hang out at AOA if they're looking for the right environment to mingle in.

"If you are sitting in the back corner table of a fancy restaurant, you are not going to meet anyone," she says. "But if you are at a sports bar and grill you stand around and you will meet people—socially, professionally—it's a win-win for everyone. People will be out there mingling, like they are at a party."

Ramona, who took over the spot with business partner Peter Guimaraes in November, notes that AOA is an "existing restaurant that we are slowly making better." She also adds that the place will be family friendly thanks to pizza-making classes: "It's a great option if you are looking for something to do with kids."

[Source: New York Post]

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