The first part of the Reunion special came and went last night, and little of the ladies' existing existential drama has actually been resolved. Good thing there's two more chances for them to kiss and make up.
Here's what happened, plot-wise: Bethenny and Jill went on and on about their fight, until Jill got so faklempt that she had to walk off the set. Sitting on the Team Bethenny couch, Alex raged against the Jill-LuAnn-Kelly machine and, after Ramona's belladonna eyes were brought into question, she tried to discreetly flee the scene. On the Team Jill couch: Kelly tried to accuse Bethenny of talking trash about her to the tabloids, but wasn't exactly articulate about the specifics, while LuAnn mounted her favorite high horse and said she never talked about the other women behind their backs.
But what we really care about is: did Team Bethenny or Team Jill look better while perched on those pretty little pink couches?
Round 1: The Leggy Scene
Take a close look at all those shiny, Venus-razor-shaved legs. They look toned and tan! There is one problem here, though: while Bethenny and Alex hold court with revealing above-the-knee immodesty, Ramona drags down the team with a Puritanically coy black number. On Jill's couch, it's all crossed legs and exposed thigh. Team Jill takes the round, winning 1 point.
Round 2, Part I: Team B Brings Out the Boobs
While she might've dropped the ball with the long flowy bottom, Ramona's bosom looks positively heaving. Alex looked a little ... saggy, but at least she's got the twins out there — Bethenny's are imprisoned in order to give that shoulder-flower-thing more prominence. Team Bethenny scores 2 out of 3 points.
Round 2, Part II: Team J Responds By Letting Their Big Hair Down
Jill and Kelly must've plotted revenge on Bethenny at the same salon, because their hairdos seem similarly Medusa-inspired. LuAnn's limp bob, with its complete lack of snaky curls and venomous tints, lets the team down. Team Jill also scores 2 out of 3 points.
The Final Round: Andy Cohen Steps In
So, at this point, Team J is winning by 1 point, but then Andy steps in with an authoritative stripy tie and says, "Watch what happens this Monday, June 14, at 9/8c." Guess we won't know who wins till then, when Part Two of Three of the Real Housewives of NYC Reunion airs.