When 'Housewives' Hit the Sea, Things Get Salty
In honor of 'Battleship,' plot your course through the finest maritime Housewives moments.
If you've watched any amount of Housewives, you know that generally if a boat is thrown into the mix, something crazy is going to happen. Maybe it's the salty mist in the air that makes things take a turn towards ridiculous, or perhaps it's just the mystique of the tides that makes for good television -- but just note for the future: If you see a boat, don't change the channel.
Because Friday marks the release of Battleship, it only seemed right to compile some of our favorite waterborne battles from Housewives history.
The Matchup: NY Housewives vs. Kelly Bensimon
The Incident: No Love for the New Girl
The Battle: When discussing how Jill Zarin was reacting to the death of Bethenny Frankel's dad, newcomer (at the time) Kelly wasn't down with all of the analysis. "You guys can enjoy your banter and your vile behavior ... You guys are sick, you're demented," she said as she stormed off from their gorgeous yacht lunch -- only to have a little trouble figuring out the sliding glass door situation.
Winner: Glass Door
The Matchup: Vicki Gunvalson vs. Rogue Football
The Incident: Heads Up, Vicki!
The Battle: It was a typical Lake Havasu boat party. The booze was flowing, there was lots of skin, wine and inappropriate dancing and a great time was being had by all -- until thump. A football thrown from another boat plunks Vicki right in the noggin, leaving her down for the count. "It got me right in the base of the crown so I felt I got socked in the head by a 100-mile-an-hour baseball," Vicki said of said plunking.
The Matchup: Tamra Barney vs. Eddie
The Incident: The Grope Ferry
The Battle: What was supposed to be a lovely little ferry ride to Catalina between Tamra, Eddie, Vicki and her boyfriend Brooks quickly turned into a jealousy showdown -- thanks in part to Eddie's long day of seasickness and pre-gaming, as Tamra explained in her blog. Ticked off at Eddie's harmless flirting with Vicki, Tamra one-upped him in a big way by putting Brooks' hand on her breast. "I did it for the shock factor and really didn't expect Eddie to get mad ... just had a moment, and not a good one!" she wrote of the incident. As you can imagine, Eddie was not very happy with this and their vacation to Catalina was sunk.
The Matchup: Teresa Giudice vs. Melissa Gorga
The Incident: NJ "Punta Cana Princess" Sexy Battle
The Battle: Want to know what happens when you put two alpha females with a history of bad blood in bikinis together on the same boat? Yep, you guessed it: There's a competition for who's the sexiest one in a two-piece. If you ask Teresa, "I'm feeling super sexy. There's no competition there. Did you see? Was there any competition?" The two had a magazine-worthy pose-off at the dock and oiled up to maximize their tans while on board, and in true Gorga fashion, Mel and Joe's dirty dancing eventually led to a very, um, eager Joe storming Melissa's shower.
Winner: Joe Gorga
The Matchup: Atlanta Wives vs. Technology
The Incident: Stalled at Sea
The Battle: With Atlanta being inland, boating trips aren't as common on Real Housewives of Atlanta. Still, Kim Zolciak, Sheree Whitfield and their friend Cori wanted to hit the water. So, they took Cori's boat out ... only none of them knew how to drive it. After figuring things out and taking a trip to a private beach complete with chef-made cheese plates and plenty of wine flowing, a big battle loomed: The boat's engines wouldn't start back up because of a drained battery.
The Winner: Draw
Battleship is in theaters Friday -- check out the film's official site for tickets and a sneak peek.