Here's Every Damn Thing That's Wrong With the New Bagel Emoji

My NYC-based Bravo colleagues shared impassioned THOUGHTS and FEELINGS on Apple's new bagel emoji.

As Bravo's food editor, I have long been aware of — and pained by — the lack of a bagel emoji. The dearth makes it very hard, for instance, to properly share certain Very Important Bagel Stories — such as the recent scandal of Cynthia Nixon's Bagel-Gate 2018 and the way it truly horrified New Yorkers.

Well, the world is fast changing and (breathe) a bagel emoji is coming to keyboards near you! Near me! Near all of us! Indeed, Apple has just shared the final designs for the 70 new emojis that will roll out with its next iOS update. Food items will include a lobster, lettuce, and — at long last — a bagel.

But the new bagel design has... problems. As a Los Angeles-based human, I recuse myself from personally commenting on carbs whenever possible. (I could write a tome about kale, however — or "goddamn kale" as Long Islanders call it.)

Fortunately though, the bulk of the Bravo web team is based at 30 Rock. So my colleagues happen to make for an excellent sample pool of horrified New Yorkers, well qualified to speak on all of the bagel emoji's unforgivable flaws.

For instance...

Jocelyn Vena, Senior Editor — The Daily Dish

It either looks like a donut cut in half, or more accurately, just actual garbage. That image is trash and offensive.

Morgan Ashley Parker, Editor — Relationships & Pets

That's some Lender's garbage. If someone texts me with that emoji asking me to get a bagel, they are 100 percent not allowed to pick the bagel place.

Kateri Lopez, Photo Editor

It looks stale. Fresh baked goods have a beautiful crust; there is moisture evaporating from it. This looks like the life has been taken from it.

Laura Argintar, Audience Development Director

Number one: It looks like a bagel you get from a supermarket — like a packaged Thomas Bagel. And number two: Why isn't it an everything bagel!?!?!?!

Brianna Meagher, Social Media Editor

The lack of cream cheese — truly a travesty.

Caitlin Migliaccio, Digital Video Producer

From the standpoint of a bagel connoisseur, I don't love that this bagel looks like what you get from a Duane Reade freezer. But from the standpoint of a creative, a real bagel would never have a clean, emoji-fied look. So I'm OK with it for the sake of clean lines and such — but I'm not eating that.

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