And here we though the most disturbing use of fruit was in Call Me By Your Name.
If you’ve never seen the flick, it involves a graphic use of a peach, when on a nice summer day in the Italian countryside, Timothée Chalamet decides to, well, pleasure himself with the piece of ripe fruit. There’s more, but let’s just say rent the movie if you wanna see what happens.
Now it seems a woman on Reddit is trying to top that scenario IRL, posting about about a new sex fetish she and her husband have been trying. Here goes.
Husband asks her to place fruit (specifically apples, pears, carrots) in her vagina all day, and then — hold onto your hats — he wants to eat it from her vagina later that evening. Jeez, anyone in this house ever hear of a crisper drawer? Much fresher that way. Just sayin’.
So, this freaky fruit lover has been requesting this for about two months now (no word on if her grocer knows what’s up), and the wife has now become concerned about things like if she will get sick from her homemade apple pie, or if her husband will get sick from eating the, uh, puréed carrots.
She writes: “My husband in recent months has had me keep different things in my vagina for a whole day, so that he could eat it at night. What should I make of this fetish? Quick back story, our relationship hasn't been quite ideal, and in hopes of trying to save it, and spark some flames, I agreed to do whatever my husband wanted to help spice things up again.
“Recently, he asked me to stick different things in my vagina, like apples, pears, carrots, etc.. and keep in there all they so that he could eat them at night when he came home from work. I have gone along with it, thinking it would be something like a one time thing or so, but its been almost two months, and he shows no signs of wanting to stop. I am not sure if anyone else has done this, and if so, what was your experience? One of my concerns is, his and my health, can this make him or I sick? The fruits we buy are organic, and I spend a good deal cleaning them thoroughly.”
Oh, they’re organic. Maybe he read orgasmic.
Meanwhile, leave it to a doctor to treat this seriously, and give this woman some real advice.
“I’m an family doctor with an interest in helping people explore kinks and sexual interests in a healthy way but I'm not a gynecologist… The risk to him is minimal so I'll focus on you. But basically it's the same risk as any oral sex activity you may already be participating in that transmit vaginal secretions to his throat (i.e. gonorrhea pharyngitis). Interestingly, rates of HPV esophageal cancers are on the rise likely due to changes in oral sex practices as population. Hopefully this will decline with vaccination.”
The doc goes on to advise her on toxic shock syndrome, yeast infections, and urinary tract infections, the three last things that ever cross your mind when you’re squeezing fruit in aisle two. Also, what is this woman doing all day that she can walk around with carrots in her vagina? Just a thought.
Anyway, the doc would rather they use toys than real fruit, and says to limit the time the fruit is up there, if the couple insists on it being real food. He also says to go to therapy, which these two may wanna hit before their next Whole Foods trip.
Commenters on the post also offered up some advice, with one telling her to stick to fruits with smooth skins. “Personally, I'd stick with firm foods with tough (smooth) skins, and avoid things like strawberries that might break apart easily.” Yeah, thanks.
Another writes: “Make sure you pee after. Have your partner rinse mouth vigorously with water before oral.”
One says to lie about the amount of time she’s “hiding the apples.” “You could just pop it in the morning when he can see. Get to work, take it out. Put it back in before you come home. That way it's only like half an hour, 45 minutes of you wearing it but he thinks it was all day. A little dishonest but with these kinks sometimes it's better to meet him in the middle.”
Summing it up, another writes: “Does he also have a fetish for infections of the vagina? Because that's where this is headed.”
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