Pick a Boozy New Year’s Beverage and We’ll Tell You How Good Your 2018 Will Be

Answering the question on everyone’s lips: “Will 2018 be better than 2017?”

2017. What a year. What. A. Year. Looking back, it’s insane that so much happened in such a relatively short span of time, and it’s even more insane that so much of what happened was kind of bad. OK, to be fair, there were some highlights. Beyoncé had her twins. Vanderpump Rules is still going strong. Fruity Pebbles-flavored Oreos exist in the world. But overall? 2017 was rough for a lot of folks.

Come December 31, what most of us will wonder, as the clock ticks ever closer to 12:00 a.m., is whether the new year will be even a tiny bit better than the one that came before. Given the year we’ve had, it’s an especially pressing question this New Year’s. We just want to know: What glorious treasures and/or fresh hells await us in 2018?

Sadly, not all of us are guaranteed good years. For some of us, 2018 will be even worse than 2017. Others may experience something of a stasis, with 2018 just being more of the same. For the lucky few among us, 2018 will be the best year of our lives. Nobody knows for sure.

Except us: We know.

We know because we are Internet scientists who have studied this kind of thing. After much research (drinking, in this case), we have conclusively determined how good your 2018 will be based on what you plan to drink on the night itself. What’s in your glass when you raise your arm and shout, “CHEERS! HAPPY NEW YEAR!” from atop a roof somewhere? Answer truthfully below, and you will soon know your 2018 fate.

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