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Ask Patti:: Patti Stanger answers your relationship questions!

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You don't need to be a millionaire to get relationship advice from Patti Stanger! Post your questions below and be sure to check back next week for a response from Patti!

In Love with a Broken Man
Is there a way to make things work with a man who has an insecure ego? Broke up with a man who said I made him feel "inadequate all the time". I make more money than him and footed the bill a lot during our 2 year relationship (he didn't ask for it, I just did it). He's 13 years older than me with 2 adult kids in college from his first marriage (he's been divorced nearly 20 years). I've never been married and have no kids, therefore I didn't have the same obligations or responsibilities and was able to spend my money any way I wanted. We live in two different states, so we were doing the long-distance thing... I still love him very much. I work in the domestic violence field and I can honestly say that I have truly found one of the "good ones", but he just happens to be insecure because of his financial "situation"...Does love really conquer all?

In my book, Become Your Own Matchmaker, I always feel it’s important to let the man lead even if he makes less money than the woman. If you continue to foot the bill you end up emasculating him, which will eventually cut your sex appeal. It doesn’t matter if a man takes you for pizza coffee or a beer. Once he puts his hand in his pocket to pay for you, that shows interest. Here’s a tip I use with my boyfriend, I am the one who makes more money than he does, however I let him make all the plans and pay for all the dates – I buy the groceries and every four times he takes me out I take him to brunch, lunch or drinks which is a lesser value than what he paid to take me out. The four to one rule is a standard of living that everyone, be it rich or poor, should live by. The reason is - when a man leads with his money (even if doesn’t have much) he is showing providership towards the female – which allows the female to relax and be sexually potent.

Comments

518 Comments

03/10/2010 - 10:42pm

FromCAtoGA

Married to a man 7 years older than me who is 24 year retired air force guy. I am finding that we met had a child and married really quick and never became friends. Now I am finding he isnt half of what I wanted in a husband. If you know anything about ex military men they are very much self focused. Rather than spending the next years married and miserable should I leave? I hear people say to stay for the kids but he doesnt help me hardly with them. He isnt very domesticated unless its when he feels like it and then he is "white glove" clean.

His mom mentioned that when married to his dad she dealt with him spending alot of money and being into dressing nice to impress women. I know him now at 70 years old and he said his son is the mirror image of how he was and he is glad god changed him. Do I really wait around 20 years to see if he does change?

: 03/10/2010 - 6:37pm; Daisy; RE: the bisexual woman on the show recently. Patti, have you ever read "Sexual Fluidity"? It's an interesting read and research on female sexuality.

: 03/09/2010 - 7:37pm; sexaddictedforlife; Hi Patti,why shouldn't we have sex on the 1st date? I know many people that had sex on the 1st date.

: 03/07/2010 - 5:43pm; Juls; Patti
I, like many, enjoy your show. My question/issue - How do I find "the one"? I became divorced 3 years ago, currently 47, and have been dating even prior to that date. I have had many many many first dates, however I have only had 2 men that I have seen more than 2 dates. I have made many friends through this process but I want more than friends.
I have tried to figure out what I am doing wrong. Yes, in the beginning, intimacy occured early, but I stopped that very quickly when I realized that wasn't the answer. I am intellegent, getting ready to start my PhD - I have found that that sets some people off, but I can't help who I am.
So how do I find him?
Smiles - I do wish you go on the road - I am in Ohio!!!
Thanks

: 03/05/2010 - 2:42pm; Layla Langaroodi; Dear Patti;
I love your show keep up the great work.
I am a 52 year old divorced woman who lives in NJ, been in the stated 35 years? born in Tehran,Iran have not dated since my
divorce? 8 years? so is there any hope for me? I am educated and ok looking? any suggestions???
love
layla

: 03/04/2010 - 11:43pm; Viewer SJ; Hi Patty. You remind me of my aunt who has really changed my life for the better. She gives us tought love, but is very forgiving and loving like you. I just wanna thank you for who you are. The world could use a lot more ppl like you who don't compromise their boundaries. I've learned a lot from watching just a few of your episodes. I currently have a great job and really want to settle down. I've tried to focus on embracing my femininity around guys and letting ppl know i'm open to love. I make sure I look nice and smile at cute guys even though I'm shy. And you know what? It seems to be working! And I love it! Thank you!

03/04/2010 - 12:06am

April N

How do I get on your show? I watch you every week and I think you are awesome!! I know you can help me find love.

Sincerely
April Riverside,Ca

: 03/03/2010 - 9:49pm; Aleesha in Arkansas; Hi Patti!Love your show and your straight-forward attitude! I have known my boyfriend for 6 years and we have been dating now for 8 months. My sister is getting married in June and I am her maid of honor. I recently asked my boyfriend if he would escort me or be my date for the wedding. His response was actually a little hurtful, he claimed he doesn't like getting dressed up and doesn't own any dress clothes for that specific reason and besides I'm in the wedding I won't need a date. How do I explain to him the importance of him being there with me without making him feel pressured into going?

: 03/03/2010 - 9:21pm; Ruth Noemi Rodriguez; Hey Patti,
I am hooked on your show. I love your blunt and very straight forward attitude. Everything you say makes sense and is direct (straight to the point ... no BS). I had a question for you. I have been dating someone that is 13 yrs my senior for 3 months now. I feel he is very insecure in the sense that he has been hurt in the past and holds back with future gfs out of fear of being hurt again. I know that situation was difficult for him and i find myself questioning being in a relationship with such a man. I am a very secure girl and dont like to waste time but i do realize i have my own issues (thats fear of commitment for the same reason ... fear of getting hurt). We are in the same boat. He shows me he cares in soo many ways but he has brought up the fact that he doesnt want to hurt me and he is unsure of what he is willing to give. It seems as if he doesnt want me to fall in love with him because he will eventually break my heart. How can he determine the future? We have an amazing time together and this past weekend i met his parents (that are seperated). What does this all mean?

: 03/03/2010 - 11:12am; stacy1968; hi patti ,i love your show...short and simple i need your help im 42 i have ny own money and im in med school furthuring my career.I get askeg out about 4 times a day ,butt i dont go. when im in public been told several times that i look like claudia schifer(mis spelled)and beverly d angelo...in facy i get hounded for autographs..i love to be a girl altough have a huge tomboy side..always have hair and makeup done but love to ride my bike or dirt bike ...I need your help im so scared of guys I would pay you for your time ,to sit down with me and tell me whats wrong with me .I appreciate your bluntness,im very going outgoing ,i make friends super easy.butt maybe im putting out the wrong vibe to attract the right guy.ive seen a few on your show,such as david koss or that older gentleman (the one you hooked botox beotch with) where are those guys in real life?please help patti I truely will take ur advise..