Ask Patti

Patti answers your questions about when to consider marriage.

on Apr 2, 2009

Patti,
I love the Heidi and Bill storyline - any more updates on their relationship?

You’re not the only one who loves these two! They aren’t following my club rules for a successful relationship, but they’re trying! I love Heidi!

Patti-
I know relationships all seem to have various speeds to them, however how long should one date another before marriage is considered? Should ultimatums ever be used? When should you walk away? Is there a timeline that should be followed? First time you meet their parents? He meets your parents? You are introduced to his friends and vice versa? Does it change depending on backgrounds, for example Race or Ethnicity? Or even religion? One of my colleagues dated a guy for 22 years and he never married her. I don't want to waste my time. I am 32 (he's 37) and we've dated for 4 years, I want a family and he has said he wants the same thing. What do I do? Help!

You have asked many questions, so I’ll tackle a few. First, you should consider marriage after 9 months of dating in a serious monogamous relationship, which is in my book “Become Your Own Matchmaker”. I don’t advise ultimatums, rather “Me-amatums”, which is another technique highlighted in my book. Many of your other questions are answered in my book as well... But to get to the last, important question, if you have “dated” for 4 years and he hasn’t proposed, it’s time to take the next step and have a serious talk about the your collaborative future together.

Patti,
You are adorable and I love the show. I am increasingly irritated at a few of the disgruntled millionaires trying to insult you by showcasing you are not married. Why do they assume your boyfriend is not ready? Does it occur to them that you might not be married because you are not ready?

Thanks for the love and support! I’m not sure the millionaires assume my boyfriend isn’t ready or not. Some of these guys are angry and will attack any perceived “problem” with me or my staff if we supply tough love. I showcase the philosophy that you don’t have to be married to be happy or in love. I’m content at where the relationship is at present – this what I want.