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Ask Patti

Ask Patti: Who Should Pay?

Who should pay on a dinner date? How can you try out for a Millionaire mixer? Find out!

Mar 26, 2009

Hi Patti,
When going out with someone for the first time, whether it is coffee or dinner or whatever, should I offer to pay for myself? I have thought this was polite, since at this point I really don't know much about his income, but maybe this is a turnoff? In these "modern" dating times, how do men in their mid 30's to mid 40's feel when the check comes? Thanks and I love the show!
Jen

A lady never pays for themselves unless you are masculine energy. Your company to a true gentleman is the gift in itself. In this day and age a man feels good when he does good, which means he loves taking a woman out and paying the bill. Any man who complains about this is not a man, but a boy.

Hello,
I was wondering where do you find the girls or guys for the mixers?
Rebecca Little

They are pre-selected through the network and anyone can try out.

Hi Patti,
I need your expert advice - my daughter is dating such a loser and she will only take advice from you! Please help!
Anne

First of all, run to the bookstore and get Become Your Own Matchmaker which teaches you how to un-bond to a loser. The reason most people are bonded to jerks is because of sex. She needs to stop seeing him and taking his calls. Give it 60 days after that and she will be un-bonded.

How do I join your Matchmaker organization? I have tried almost every dating site and can't seem to find men in their 40's who are emotionally healthy enough for a relationship...where else can I try?

You go to www.millionairesclub123.com and follow the registration process. Anyone is welcome and I look forward to fixing you up!

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I have just seen your show of Jimmy D.. I felt that you showed a distaste for the Polish women, but as long as one of them was half Polish and half Italian it was OK to introduce her to him. Well she was a dits and I am sure one of you or your crew will make a comment, for example; "Well she is Polish, what do you want?" . I am a full blood Polish woman. I have intelligence and I would have not even spoken to Jimmy D. because of his ignorance, speaking of himself in the third person. DAH!!! But I must say your staff did not make any negative comments about Polish woman and I would like to say "Thank you!" What is wrong with a strong minded, great mother and a great cook? We are physically strong also, that is why we can handle the Italians, Puerto Ricans,etc. and whatever God gives us to deal with. So stop saying Polish as if it were a DIRTY WORD. Thank you. Sandy Tatlock

Have LOVED your show since day one! Sometimes when I hear you talk about NJ there is a wistfulness that sounds like you miss being among your own again. Being a jerseygirl too,living in VA, I get it. I am a happily old married lady now, 53 with a 13 and 10 yr old since I didn't marry till age 33 and no kids till age 39 but HAD to tell you how very correct you are about the allure of chivalry. It's THE charm and guess where I found my bashert?? In the Navy? I went in as a medical officer and guess what I found when I landed in North Carolina Naval Hospital? Beautiful, healthy, GENTLEMANLY Marine Fighter pilots and they outnumber the ladies at least 8 to one! A well kept secret. Anyway, I had more dates in the first few months there than in my entire 20s and early 30s. These guys could NOT BELIEVE this Jersey Girl, a fellow officer (very important when meeting them toe to to inasmuch as rank was concerned). But there among the wonderful fighter pilots who act as though their waste products are fragrant when trying to impress one another but charm school graduates with women, was my future husband. He did everything by YOUR book. Held the door (everytime), pulled out my chair in restaurants, and this was when I was hooked (when I got up to visit the rest room) he stood UP! Ditto when I returned to the table. I almost died on the spot with joy. Not once in my life had ANY male done this in NJ or NY (my prior dating grounds). So fictional content on your show notwithstanding - it's a wonderful time and I'm SO glad BRAVO saw the intrinsic fun you have on your show. You are MUCH younger than me, but you remind me of the girls from the Deal School that I used to hang with as a kid at the West End Casino/Harbor Island Spa/Allenhurst Beach Club. What FUN we had. There was a woman I worked with for a while at the Newark Star Ledger (before I entered health care), Rhoda Dorfman. Her dad, Sid, was the golf guru back in the day. She could have passed (back in the day) for your older sister. Jersey memories.....But I wish for YOU, ultimate yenta, a wonderful man and children. You have time, and he's out there. But YOU'RE NOT in the RIGHT PLACE geographically. Moreover, you know this.

Dear Patti:

I rarely watch television, and when I do it is usually the news, documentaries or political talk shows. I recently discovered your show and I love it. I love your honesty and your sincere desire to help others. The episode involving Chris who only wanted younger, women really touched me because you found him the perfect woman, but he was too shortsighted to see it.

I am an author of several books; the last one entitled, The Secrets - How To Control A Man. It got a lot of great reviews and helped countless women across the country and several got married as a result of it. I have another book coming out soon which I am hoping will be a bestseller. It would be nice if you would consider an occasional show focused on working class yet promising future millionaires. Guys like me might also make for an interesting show.

I would love to send you a copy of my book please email me or call me 347-273-1512.

You and your show are a wonderful breath of fresh air.

Curtis Cost

Patti,

My comment is about Jimmy D and Cara. Cara really is crazy. Did you see her on the NBC show "Mamma's Boys"? She was crazy then when she didn't land any of the guys and got voted out of the house!! Like major melt down! I was suprized to see he on your show, but when I did I had to see how it played out. Jimmy got side swiped on that one. Give him another chance, after all it was not his fault. His Crazy radar was right on that one.

Best wishes, Leslie B.

Hello Patti,

I just finished watching the episode with "Hatch" and Jimmy D. You criticized Jimmy D for saying Cara was crazy. Perhaps it should have been edited out but I do think the girl is unstable. Did you see her meltdown on the reality show "Momma's Boys" when she was not selected? I guarantee after seeing that you will realize Jimmy D was not exaggerating and you won't want her in your club!

Wow. You ever notice there are no poor Scientologists? (heh heh) Jimmy D, poor man, needed the lesson on his "public" side, vs. his private side. He's looking for someone to match up with his private side, but kept showing his public face. And if picking a Polish woman wasn't working out in Chicago, what made him think it was gonna work in LA? Really?

"Reality show call girl service". Patti, Patti, Patti. No one will find true love on a reality show. These reality show jumpers are in it to promote themselves. We as viewers know this but we just can't turn away from a good train wreck.

I just saw the preview for your show with Paul Davis. It's hilarious, i went to elementary and high school with him. In fact, he was neighbors with one of my best friends and we used to play flag football together. Anyways, its so sad to see that everything has gone to his head. I think if i had to sit through a date with him i would slip into a coma. He has zero intonation, and as you said,the personality is lacking.

OMG!!! I'm starting to think this show is so fake!!! Cara is from Mommas Boy's!!! She was a stand out psycho on that show but to see her again did not make good tv. I am very dissapointed with the show.

Patti, I totally disagree with you about the man having to order for the table. I am more than capable of ordering my own food and have been doing so for twenty years. I am not a shrew, however, my husband still opens my door and treats me like a lady.

Patti, you are adorable and I love the show. I am increasingly irritated at a few of the disgruntled millionaires trying to insult you by showcasing you are not married. Why do they assume your boyfriend is not ready? Does it occur to them that you might not be married because you are not ready? And why did Sandy Tatlock take the Polish episode so personally that she thinks it's all about her?

OMG! Patti... I just saw the episode where psycho Cara and Jimmy were set up and I said the same thing. She was on Momma's Boys and was clearly a psycho!! I enjoyed watching the matchmaker too until I saw that. It made me wonder if the show was real or not so real, you know? Like what kind of background check do they do on these girls that are getting set up with these so called millionaires??? Jimmy D seemed a lil strange at times but Cara is clearly nuts! Did you see the thing she does with her eyes? I felt bad for Jimmy, it wasnt his fault he trusted you to set him up with a good catch. That was not so good on your part.

What kind of screening do you do for this show and your clients? The minute I saw Cara as Patti's pick for Jimmy D, I began to think this show is staged for ratings. Cara has been on at least one other reality show and she was a psycho then. Jimmy D certainly is arrogant and full of himself. That 3rd person crap and his constantly saying the name of the person he is talking to are really annoying. However, his honest and right on comments about Cara shouldn't be anything negative about him! Cara needs mental help. It was very clear on the other reality show she was on, now she's gotton a second chance of looking like an idiot on TV. She's scary to look at and even scarier to watch her behavior. The good news is hopefully men are watching and learn to avoid her like the plague if they happen to run into her.

This was an episode that left me speechless. Patti, I think you should apologize to Jimmy D. That girl WAS crazy. To the Will Smith wannabe (Hatch): Although you look more like Todd Bridges, your acting did not amaze me. I'm sure your mother taught you better than that!

Hi Patti, I live in Hawaii and wanted to start a matchmaker business for successful single people in Hawaii. I watch your show all the time and think your a genius as a matchmaker! Any advise on starting a matchmaker business in Hawaii or any consideration by yourself coming to Hawaii?

Much Aloha, Scottie

Hi Patti,

I just thought id let you know that i would not blame Jimmy from the last episode for talking bad about Cara Quici - She is a drama queen and crazy and fake - she was also a participant in the NBC Programe Last season MOMMAS BOYS and she was eliminated too for being so crazy.

I guess shes out there looking for a guy with money and not love.

SD

Patti-

I know relationships all seem to have various speeds to them, however how long should one date another before marriage is considered. Should ultimatums ever be used? When should you walk away. Is there a timeline that should be followed? First time you meet their parents? He meets your parents? You are introduced to his friends and vice versa? Does it change depending on backgrounds, for example Race or Ethnicity? Or even religion? When do you walk away? One of my colleagues dated a guy for 22 years and he never married her? I don't want to waste my time. I am 32 (he's 37) and we've dated for 4 years, I want a family and he has said he wants the same thing. What do I do? Help!

Why are there NO Black women on your show?

Why are most of the people on the show Jewish? Are there no Asian, Latino, Indian, or Black... women that you could find for your clients??

When I was growing up, the men in my family were pretty steady and acted like men. Was I ever shocked to find out that a very high percentage of men these days aren't even close to being men!!! My theory is that this breakdown is occurring because women are becoming too easy. I am 57, so things were much different in my mother's generation. Love doesn't work the way it used to, and shows like yours role model for the modern woman, as well as for the men. I am not saying we should give back birth control or hard-won employment opportunities, but I see alot of imbalance these days. Also, many women in their late 30's and 40's (who did not get married and have children young) are very unhappy, even though they may have attained career status. Many of them pretend to be alot happier than they are, too. We are going through a difficult stretch in history. I would love to see a society where more women can find good men at an age where they can have healthy children, and earn a decent living alongside their man. But, I think this "new balance" is going to take some time.

Patti, I have to agree with the other posts concerning the stability of Cara. I don't think you had a right to treat Jimmy D like you did, the girl was obviously crazy and if you did what you were supposed to do you would have found it out as well. Just because a person has one of the qualities that the man wants does not make her the perfect fit! The more I watch the show, the more I think you are in it for the fame only...Why don't you show more about the girls, get to know them better? and why do you keep having new ones come in? Shouldn't your database be full by now? I'm getting sick of the PENIS talk and really hope there will be real matchmaking going on in the upcoming shows!

hey Patti

My name is Kim. I am 23 years old and I am earning my degree in school couseling. My boyfriend is 28 and we have been dating 2 years and 2 months. I am ready for marriage but he says he is not ready. How do I move him toward the altar a little faster? Help! thanks

Hi Patti,

I'm 38 and single and and trying to find the right woman. Unfortunately, whenever I approach a woman in public, even if she smiled at me first, her reaction ranges from board to offended that I'm starting a conversation with her.

I'm a self-made, well-education man, who's tall and in shape, but I never seem to get any interest no matter how many times I try. What could I be doing wrong?

Sincerely, Chris

Hi Patti,

I would like to know how can I meet a millionaire without me having millions?

Jany

I am a happily married woman who knew her husband for over ten years before marrying, I have never been the type of woman that allows a man to do things for her or pay for her meals, drinks, tickets to shows, etc. My husband however, has always been the kind of man who insists on every single thing mentioned above and more. Being so opposite, we get along better than any other couple I know or have met, perhaps we are an extreme case but I don't believe that if a woman prefers to take care of herself first and pay for her own indulging that it means she is a shrew or the man's mother. I suppose I am simply stating that women need to be themselves if they are going to find a man that makes them happy and like wise for the men.

Patti, I love your show! I think you give such great advice. However, Jimmy D... he was wonderful! I think a lot of girls fell in love with him after that episode. Can you just put his info on your blog so we can email him? I'm blonde, Catholic, pretty, normal, a teacher, and I can keep up with his humor.. haha! Keep it up Patti, just cut that boy a break :)

PAUL DAVIS WAS A SPARTAN!

Just wanted to clarify that on tonight's episode of Millionaire Matchmaker with Paul and Alex, Patti claimed that Paul went to the University of Michigan, however this is a falsehood! Paul Davis was part of the 2004-05 Michigan State Spartan team that went to the Final Four. He is a Spartan not a wolverine, I am disappointed that no one caught this mistake. I am normally a huge fan of this show, and this was a major bummer. MSU deserves all the credit in the world and Tom Izzo is leading our fantastic team into another Final Four. I just hope next time you double check your facts. Go Green!

After watching last night's episode... I just want to know where Paul Davis is now!!!

Hi! Patti,

Great show. I have to let you know. You remind me alot of Suzanne Sommers with dark hair. You could be her sister. You look both incrediable alike. Both very likeable people. Keep up the great work hook people up. By the way what do there weddings look like. Do they go all out? Staighten out all these men.

I watch this show and wonder is there ever a Cinderella? Can't a rich man fall for a poor woman? I've been looking for my Prince. Hope he shows up soon. Don't men want a down to earth woman any more? I'm 53 and cute as a button. Just want to find a great guy Patti. I know there are alot of us out there.

Dear Patti,

I have some hot gossip on Dr. Robert "Ray" Nettles. If you could please let me know the BEST way to reach you to give you the full scoop please let me know before the next show aires.

Sincerely, Ashley

All I have to say is....

Maaa....Maaaa.... Mal.. mali...mali...Malibu!

Hi Patti: Where do you go to find a handsome,successful,committed, millionaire in their mid to late 40's? Where are they hiding?

Cyndie

Pam, I would like to meet and date Heidi Cornell. I match her values of honesty, integrity,loyalty, dedication, passion etc. If you kindly email me or contact me and I will gladly send you my cv and a pic.Sincerely, Steve Ku8ehn MD

i live in Tulancingo city Mexico.i saw the program with julian lecomte and I just want to keep contact with him. he is the tall and european guy who live in Los angeles and have 2 towers of entertainment and is millionaire. In fact if he is´t millionaire, it doesn´t matter for me i just want to know him i think that he is an excellente guy. i need his e-mail or his blog page or something like that to keep contact.Please help me!

I watched your show for the first time this week, and I loved it. I immediately look up for your internet site, and I founded it! This is great! So, I have a question: I made a terrible mistake, and I don´t know how to fix it. I met a young man (26). I’m a 36 single mom, with a boy (12 year old). I liked this guy and we started dating, but… I offered to pay for myself… (huge mistake!!) and he said “yes, of course”. Since that first date, I always pay for myself… We had one year and a half together, and he doesn`t have “gentlemen” gestures … I pay for myself, I drive the car (my car, of course), I pick up him from work… he never opens doors for me… Sometimes, I feel like I’m “the man” in the relationship… and I don´t like it!! I really like this guy, but I can´t keep on this anymore… How can I fix this? Thanks a lot! Elizabeth

I just watched your show for the first time last night and thought it was great. Today I am watching a bunch of re-runs and LOVED the Smike match! What wonderful chemistry they had; I hope they stay together. I love that you are straightforward and honest with people and enjoy watching you tell it like it is.

hey patti i just watned to know if i should stay in with a guy whos transsexual?

How do I join your Matchmaker organization? I have tried almost every dating site and can't seem to find a woman who are emotionally healthy enough for a relationship...where else can I try? I'm turning 28 in April, live in San Diego.

Patti!!

You are the best!! I adore the show and I love what you do and how you do it!! Thanks for telling it straight - men soooooo need that! Thank you for all the effort and work you've endured to make this show work, make your busienss work, (I'm buying the book) and all the other sacrifices you've made. You're continuing to teach boundaries that are necessary in a society that wants to throw them out but have all the benefits, and we both know one doesn't come without the other! Blessings on your beautiful head!! Muah! Muah! Muah!

Hi Patti! I absolutely love your show! But I have a question: do you really think most redheads are unattractive to men/millionaire men and if so, why?

Hello Ptti,

I just want to say that i love your show very much. its one of my fav show now. and i watch it every night almost. your so sweet and though which is awsome. One of my question was can you fix people through internet as well or just in person?

Would love to see more Interracial couples~

Hi Patti I would like to start by saying I don't know why people sign up for your services if they are not going to listen to you! Next, I am 28 and have been married twice. I recently just met a guy who is 24 (is that to young?) and we seem to be in a high school relationship that would make even you sick LOL. Do you think I should just run with it and give love another chance?

Katie D

Patti, I'm divorced since 2007 and have been dating. I'm 52, successful, to children (17 and 22), home.

I'm 40 lbs overweight - is that a deal breaker for guys my age and if so, why?

S

Hey Patti, I'm your biggest fan. LOL i love it when you start arguing, hahaha... Well, i want to know if you can give me facts on how to get hooked up with a girl.. i'm that man who is kinda shy... well if you can give me some facts then that will be very great.

C ya on t.v

Patti,

I am a huge fan but I never see any African American women on your show. I am an intellegent,beautiful black woman and I would be perfect on your show. Please put me in one of your mixers.

Ciao Patti

Hey Patti, however I think u r very brutal. I respect that. I am from Atlanta and think they need to do a show here. My son lives there, going to film school. I am only 36, an ex model. Life here is completely different, in fact ATL was made the best place to meet a man. [for a reason]

Dear Patti: You are VERY good at what you do! Congtatulations! I wish you the best. Sincerely, Patricia

Hello Patti,

I watch your show with amazement. I can't believe that you have such a natural talent for reading people. You are simply the best.

My question is...

I've been with a man for five years. We have a house together. When I met him, he told me his divorce was almost final. Well, here I am, five years later and he is still married to the woman.

There are so many things that concern me about this, it's hard to list them all here. But to make it short, I am going to find my own place to live and hope that he finishes his business with his wife and takes care of things like he should have.

I don't know if this can be salvaged but what I guess I do want is some sort of validation that what I am doing isn't anything odd or an unusual expectation I am no millionaire, but I do know I am worthy of a complete committment by someone that is available.

With warm regards,

Olanna