Ask Patti

Patti Stanger answers your relationship questions!

on Mar 6, 2009

You don't need to be a millionaire to get relationship advice from Patti Stanger! Post your questions below and be sure to check back next week for a response from Patti!

In Love with a Broken Man
Is there a way to make things work with a man who has an insecure ego? Broke up with a man who said I made him feel "inadequate all the time". I make more money than him and footed the bill a lot during our 2 year relationship (he didn't ask for it, I just did it). He's 13 years older than me with 2 adult kids in college from his first marriage (he's been divorced nearly 20 years). I've never been married and have no kids, therefore I didn't have the same obligations or responsibilities and was able to spend my money any way I wanted. We live in two different states, so we were doing the long-distance thing... I still love him very much. I work in the domestic violence field and I can honestly say that I have truly found one of the "good ones", but he just happens to be insecure because of his financial "situation"...Does love really conquer all?

In my book, Become Your Own Matchmaker, I always feel it’s important to let the man lead even if he makes less money than the woman. If you continue to foot the bill you end up emasculating him, which will eventually cut your sex appeal. It doesn’t matter if a man takes you for pizza coffee or a beer. Once he puts his hand in his pocket to pay for you, that shows interest. Here’s a tip I use with my boyfriend, I am the one who makes more money than he does, however I let him make all the plans and pay for all the dates – I buy the groceries and every four times he takes me out I take him to brunch, lunch or drinks which is a lesser value than what he paid to take me out. The four to one rule is a standard of living that everyone, be it rich or poor, should live by. The reason is - when a man leads with his money (even if doesn’t have much) he is showing providership towards the female – which allows the female to relax and be sexually potent.