Ask Patti

Have questions about dating and relationships? Ask the expert!

on Mar 2, 20090

It's not easy finding your very own "Perfect 10." Even you can't afford a personal consultation with the Millionaire Matchmaker, you still have your chance to ask Patti Stanger for relationship and dating advice! Post your questions for Patti below and check back next week for wise words and wisdom on love!

22 comments
amiamida
amiamida

Hi Patty,


What is worth settling on?  Am I too picky?  For instance, bad grammar.  If my date says "I shouldn't have went there", it's instant Sahara in the panties and I look for the exit door.  Or if a guy asks if he can kiss me (eek!).  Or if he's a hardcore fan of a sports team. Or if he's overly analytical or logical.


Do I stick by my standards and preferences or do I need to get over myself if I don't want to end up alone?

hugs
hugs

Love your show; watch it all the time. I was wondering what happened to that girl who treated kids with autism, Pargul. That seems like the kind of person who really deserves your help. Did you ever set her up?

agee414
agee414

Hey Patti! I have been in a relationship with an amazing amazing guy for the past 3 years and I can honestly say he's a blessing from God. He's the kind of man I want my future kid to be like. The only thing is that I am 21 years old and I find myself sometimes wanting to be single and have fun with other guys. Not sexual kind of fun but just flirting and dating fun! I think this is because of my age and the fact we have been serious since I was 18. I just don't want to look back one day and think to myself I shouldn't have been so serious at a young age. Do you think I should fight my urges and stay with this amazing guy of mine, or should I explore what else is out there? help!

meredith06
meredith06

Patti,

I respect and admire you. As an 18 year old who has been in a relationship for 3 years I do not know how I should feel about marriage. We have talked about it slightly but he does not want to be married until he is set, has a job and can support me. I know you often say if he isnt ready for marriage after a year or two then the relationship should be reassessed but do you think this is the same when we are both 18 year olds?

Thank you so much, I really do appreciate your advice.

Meredith

TheRealAutP
TheRealAutP

Hi Patti, I am in desperate need of help because I am going out with a millionaire on Friday but unsure what the "perfect" outfit is for a dinner, movie and now possibly jet setting date. I have a 1950's pin-up style and want to stay true to it but I want to come off as sexy and sophisticated all at the same time. Please help! 

jbharper99
jbharper99

I've been engaged for 15 months and we've lived together for just over a year. We put the wedding on hold last July when he said my 21 yr old son was a deal breaker because he was floundering. I asked my son to move out because he wasnt following the rules. He moved in with hus dad. My son is now gainfully employed with a great company and lives out of state half the month and the other with his dad. We have a trip planned to his hometown in 3 weeks and I suggested that we get married then. His response was "hmmm, I'll have to think about that". When we were dating he said that we had to get married within a year now. Now he has backpedaled. I don't know what to do. I gave away most of my things and signed a year lease on my home. I know he loves me! We share a beautiful home and have a fabulous life. But I feel that without the commitment I could be tossed out. I've been divorced for 7 years and have always been very independent and now I feel that I'm waiting for him to make up his mind and it's really taken a toll on my confidence. What do I do?

rwaldorf
rwaldorf

Hi Patti.....first I wish all the happiness with your new guy.  I need advice, Im 52...young at heart nice looking AND my biggest issue is trust. I went out the with a guy I've known from my last job.  This was my first date in years.  However I did what you always say is the biggest no no.

 

I barely drank, and had three.....I don't remember ANYTHING.....I am embarresed.

 

I texted him apologizing.....So far no response YET.  I would love some advice.

 

Thank you

rebecca.fox.372
rebecca.fox.372

Hey Patti.  I need boy advice.  My ex was sweet and kind and we had a connection that no other had.  He was willing to do anything and everything for me.  He would constantly ask if he could do anything for me and most of the time there was nothing he could do for me.  I'm shy, clumsy, childish.  I'm just wondering if I should go for the same type of guy or explore different types.  Please help.

kygirl
kygirl

Patti! I need your help.

I just reconnected with a high school friend this week. I've known him for 16 years now. We dated a little when I was in college, but things fizzled based on our ages and timing. We remained friends and kissed a few years ago. We met up this week and kissed more (I didn't let him spend the night, no sex before monogamy!). We have amazing chemistry and he's always had a soft spot in my heart. It's strange to say, but I could imagine myself with him for a long time. The problem is that he is about to leave to live in another country for 2 years. I know he wants to see me again, and I am considering traveling to his city to see him before he leaves (he will also come to my city again). Should I take the risk knowing he's going to leave? How do I address my feelings and his feelings towards me? I'm worried that he just wants to hook up, but I want a relationship. He really soes not seem to be the type of guy to sleep around, but you never know. Is it crazy for me to be considering this when I know he's leaving? I have always felt a connection with him, otherwise I wouldn't bother... Just hoping that you could give me some guidance.

Thanks, Patti! 

XO

hobanknight12
hobanknight12

Patti, I'm 19 years young and recently came out as a lesbian. I'm enrolled in a catholic university and it's pretty much impossible to find someone who is also a lesbian or bisexual. I started going to LGBT meetings and not really finding anyone. I'm on three dating websites and have met some interesting characters. One I was in a one month relationship with a girl it she was cheating on me so I broke it off. I've been on several other dates but none of them have worked out. A little bit about myself: I'm a genuine person, a bit of a nerd, I like going out to the clubs with my friends. I'm shy and quiet but I will open up once I get to know people. I can make anyone laugh. I'm typically the "guy" in the relationship. I always pay. I look for feminine girls who are Christian or Catholic. She has to have a bubbly personality and is kind and genuine. I really need help. I want to make sure that I'm looking for the right girl and the right things. I hope I'm doing the right things. Thanks so much!

rebecca.fox.372
rebecca.fox.372

Hey Patti.  My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday.  He said he needs to get his life in order or something like that.  There was a six year age difference and we were in a long distance relationship.  We were together for a year, 14 months, and 17 days.  The thing is, we both agreed to stay friends.  I'm really hurting but the kicker is when he called me, he didn't sound hurt at all.  I just need some major advice.

aviation@737
aviation@737

Hi Patti, I've been in a 10 yr. relationship with a man 25 years older than me. The age difference doesn't bother me  what bothers me is he tends to be insecure and controlling. He also has a hard time sharing his things with me.  He has a good job and we live comfortably but I wonder if there's someone else more compatible or am I being unappreciative.

jeff81
jeff81

I went over the character limit, so here's the rest of what I wrote.

 

She told me she was sick and tired over being sick and tired and the she wanted to be with me. A couple of weeks later, we got into a really bad argument over something I won't put out there for everyone to read. It caused us to stop talking for about a month. Yet neither of us can get passed this amazing connection and feelings we have so we started talking again. She'll get close and pull away. Every time I think we're about to actually go and have that conversation, she gets cold feet. It's been five months. I'm head over heels for her, but this is driving me crazy. It's actually hurting me at this point. The last thing I want to do is walk away and leave her with him and continue to get beat. I don't know what else to do though. I don't know what to do. If there's any advice you could give me, I'd be forever in your debt.

jeff81
jeff81

Hey Patti,

 

I'm in the middle of a REALLY messed up situation. I caught you on TV and thought you'd probably have the best advice for me. It all started five months at orientation for my new job. I was there early and took my seat. After a few minutes everyone else started trickling in. Nobody sat next to me on either side. There were three other people who were apparently running late. So the guy doing the orientation just said, "at 8 o'clock, I assign seats". Since neither of the seats next to me were taken, two of three late people were placed there. About 20 minutes went by and all of a sudden three women came into the office. They took their assigned seats and the orientation went on. To the right of me sat the  most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. She was so gorgeous I couldn't even look directly at her at first. The day went on and they gave us an hour for lunch. To my surprise, she attempted to start a conversation with me. Now I've never been a smooth or suave guy, so I ended up mumbling something, but it made her laugh. We kept talking, she mentioned how cold she was so I gave her my jacket. Which that gesture seemed to shock her, which seemed odd to me. After lunch another person was doing the orientation and wanted to break us up into groups. While she was assigning groups the only thing I could think was "put her in my group". I couldn't believe it when it happened, but she was put in my group. She scooted extremely close to me too. We were the only two who were even talking about the stuff we were supposed to be doing too. At one point we just locked eyes for a few seconds and I just had to look away because it was so intense. I even said "wow" when it happened and her and the other two women in the group laughed as if even they knew what was going on between us. The day was drawing to an end and I'd been trying to think of something to say to her. I came up with "I hope I'm not crossing the line in anyway, but you are without a doubt the most beautiful woman I've ever seen and I would love the chance to get to know you better." However, I chickened out and just asked for my jacket back.

 

Two days later I went to a training class for my new job. They told me to wait in the lobby for the instructor to show up. While waiting for the instructor, she walked in and took my breath away. Seriously, she said something to me and just mumbled again. Turns out we were the only two people in this class that day. Again we sat right next to each other. A lot more playful flirting went on between when either of us would say anything during the day. We broke for lunch and even though we'd been having some fun, I kinda figured she would ditch me because she's just so far out of my league. Well she didn't. We went to lunch together. I was SO nervous I couldn't eat. We did however have a great time talking and finding out all this stuff that we have in common. We get back to the class and the instructor actually asked us if we went to lunch together and when we said yes, she had the same look the other women from the group had the previous day. At the end of the day she gave us a quiz to see if we'd actually learned anything. I was just rushing through it as fast as possible in order to be done so I could wait for her. Well I rushed so fast the instructor gave it back to me. While I was redoing stuff, she got done with hers. The instructor graded it and she was free to go. At this point I was just a mess trying to get it done again before she just left. However, she wasn't going anywhere, she was just standing there waiting for me to get done which I just couldn't believe. So I finally get done and we walk outside. Now my mom is a very big time person for this company and wanted to make sure I knew exactly where to go the next day for my next training class and showed up to take me there. SUPER EMBARRASSING! Pretty hard to ask the woman of your dreams out when your mom's waiting for you. So obviously, I didn't do it. She actually gave me a hug though before she got in her car. On the way to the hospital where my class was the next day, my mom told me I should've done it anyways and I still could by using the employee email thing.

 

So I did that. The very next day I went to work and had an email from her. I was nervous as all hell about opening it. I just psyched myself out completely. Turns out, she was super happy that I did that and really wanted to get to know me better too. So we start talking and texting a lot. Some of out conversations are getting really deep and personal too. With how similar we are and how strong the connection between us is, I'm thinking this IS IT, she's the one I've waited 31 years for. Now there was a red flag that came up while we were at lunch that one day. She told me she just moved back here. I mean JUST moved back. She moved back to Indiana that Saturday and we had that orientation for our new jobs that Monday. She had her interview over Skype too. What could make a drop dead gorgeous woman leave Florida so fast and return to Indiana? I didn't want to ask, because I figured it would come out over time. It did and it's exactly what you think; it was an abusive husband. We're talking, the type of abuse that's basically attempted murder. She tells me that she has to go back to Florida to settle on her house and that she has been talking to him here and there and that their talks have been pleasant. She then tells me that there is kindness in him and that she has to make it work and that she's sorry if she'd hurt me at all and that I'd made her happier than she'd ever been.

 

She said that stuff in an email. I responded by telling her that did in fact sting a lot and that I don't agree with her choice but I will respect it. Also that anyone who could do those types of things to her isn't a man or even deserve to know someone as special as her exists. I was expecting my email to be our last bit of communication. However it wasn't. She texted me after I sent it thanking me for being so understanding and telling me that I'm the nicest guy she's ever met in her whole life. Later that night, I couldn't take it so I texted her that my evenings were much better when I was talking to the most amazing woman on Earth. We just kept talking after that. Then the day came for her to leave for Florida to close on her house and of course see him. We didn't talk at all while she was down there for her own safety. I over think and worry about things anyways, so this was just killing me inside. She gets back and tells me the worst news of all, she wants to play things out with him and not to contact her until December. Basically he manipulated his way back in and she was giving him a couple months to prove himself. So I emailed her with the idea that it could be my last chance to talk to her and just told her everything I've written in this message to you. Yes, ALL the embarrassing stuff about being too nervous to eat, my mom showing up, EVERYTHING. I also told her that if she ever needed me that I'd be there for her and that she needs to be ready cause at 12:00am December 1st I was gonna call her. About a week later she sent me a reply saying I completely cracked her up and it was the sweetest thing ever and that nobody had ever been that honest with her before. She also told me that I better call her on December 1st too.

 

All of that happened from September 10th to the end of that month. I think about two weeks into October, she texted me one night. I was super excited to talk to her again because I hadn't had a single moment where I wasn't thinking about her. We start talking about my sick dad and her daughter and stuff, then she sent me a pic of her leg. It had one of the nastiest bruises I've ever seen and it was over a week old. So obviously her husband was up to his old routine.

katespade2
katespade2

Hey Patti, 

Im a huge fan of the show and truly believe that your relationship advice is very honest spot on. Im 22 years old and have been in a relationship for 6 years with my 24 year old boyfriend. Recently more than ever I've been wanting more of a commitment. I've talked about wanting to move in together or the idea of an engagement but he seems to shut down anything serious. He wants to wait a few more years to become financially set but sometimes I feel as if that is just an excuse. Love to me has always come first, and it seems as if he is more success driven.I wish he could just see where I was coming from and we could reach some sort of compromise. I really can't see myself waiting 8 years for a proposal, but then again I cant picture my life without him. I completely understand that the finances are not in place to rush into a wedding or have kids right away but I don't see anything wrong with being engaged and growing together until we are ready for bigger things.Is it normal to feel that way. And should I give up everything I had planned for myself to follow what he wants? Please help!

hunter_625
hunter_625

Patti, I've been dating my bf for 8.5 years and we've been living together for 7 years. We are both 26 years old, and still working on becoming more financially stable. We rarely talk about marriage but now I'm feeling like there's something wrong if he hasn't even proposed yet. I can wait for the actual wedding, I just need the commitment and sick of the excuses. What should I do? Is there any chance of a wedding in our future?

feris
feris

Hi Patti, 

 

I been dating a guy for 2 months, and he keeps saying all dates should be 50-50. I have a problem with that, as ladies, we spend so much money getting ready and looking polished, much more than men. He does make about 40% more than I do, so is it truly in 2013 50-50 ? Please help 

curiousaboutlove
curiousaboutlove

Hi Patti,

 

I'm a 42 yr male, well to, do balanced, attractive, I have a lot going for me and I know I have a lot to offer, I have been seeing someone for one year, i have trust issues, not that she maybe cheating, but has talked to other guys, had been secretive, and I always have my guard up with her, and can't help think that she maybe doing something behind my back. Well, lately things got a little better, and i found a profile a dating site, and there's more, and it seems as if they are from before, I have no issue with her or anyone dating online, but she lied and blamed that someone out there did this. The fact that she lied about it, juts adds more to my trust with her. Should I keep hanging on?

Patty828
Patty828

Hi Patti:

I cannot deny that I am have been intrigued with your show; however, I wonder if you may be interested in perusing the "mature" generation. I am a youthful and attractive woman over 50 and wonder if you have ever considered engaging your services to match up people over 50 (that of course means men who are not looking for women my daughters age). I would be happy to send you a photo of myself and love the prospect of you applying your expertise in an arena that does not focus on the 20's and 30"s.

Thank You!

Patty

 

Katteyez2
Katteyez2

Watch the show for the first time, while working at home. Found it intriguing since I don't watch reality TV, but I did enjoy the reality of your TV. Was wondering if you do matchmaking for a little bit more "seasoned crowd"? I am 48, attractive, single, smart (software/tech support rep) & fun, I dress sharp (always), I have poise, personality, charisma, charm, I cook, am clean, personable, social &  I make lots of friends & am a very good judge of character. I'm also at an age now that I am not afraid to speak my mind & tell it like it is (kind of like you). If you possibly do a show for older men, 40 +, I'd like a chance to be in the mix. I live in Denver (any millionaires here?)

 

I'll be watching!

 

kisses!

Katrina

(fb -  trinka.2@live.com)

marcia.cornett.30
marcia.cornett.30

Hi, Patti. I was inquiring about past guests. I seen a rerun episode with a nice, family oriented male with three children named Mitch. I was wondering if you ever have episodes that give insight as to the status of past customers. Also wondered if you ever opened up auditions elsewhere than L.A. I am far from a millionaire but I live in NC, am working toward my Masters, and also have children. I love the way you open up romantic opportunities for reluctant individuals. So very intrigued about how to find someone like Mitch in such a small community of citizens that is founded on production careers. Thanks!

Sabrinka
Sabrinka

Patti, I love you! Can you please help me. I have beem with an Aquariusan for _ years. I love him to death but still can't figure out how to work with him. Any advice how.to work with an Aquarius?? I know they're strong, stubborn and need freedom. Anything else?? Thanks. Love ya! S.F.