Intuition Working Overtime

Making a Match: Crashing Chilli's Date!

Making a Match: Larry Birkhead & Melyssa Ford

Patti Turns NeNe's Bridesmaids to Brides

A Waste of a Good Mirror

Getting a Nice Guy for Rachel Uchitel

Breaking 'Matchmaker' History

Two Millionaires That Shouldn't Be Single

The Critical Dick Goes Home Alone

A Dorky Doc and a Hopeless Romantic

Carson Kressley, the Millionaire Whisperer

Patti's Vlog: Everyone Gets a Valentine!

Patti's Vlog: Patti's the Love Doctor

Patti's Vlog: Stefan Richter Tried to Date Patti!

A Bashful Beauty and a Not-So-Golden Oldie

A Shallow Old Dog and a Sweet River Rat

What Rosie Wants and a Gay Hugh Hefner

Great Expectations and the Running Man

Courtney Kerr and a Swedish Peacock

Sarcastic Cheban and a 'Man-diego' Bachelor

Sweetheart Swayze and a Virtual Phantom

Patti's Biggest, Most Tempting Mixer Yet

A Red-Hot Night for the Millionaires

Time for Some Spice: The Ginger Mixer!

Gaynor Gets the Girl (So Does Allison!)

Adam Gaynor Wins, Allison Baver Skates By

Patti Says Leave Boss at the Business

Chef K Wins One for the Lesbian Team

Mitch Berger, NFL Peter Pan, Grows Up

Johnny Out Sweets Yigit

Sweet Yigit Gets No Sugar on His Date

Just Robin Being Robin

Bye-Bye Bradley, Hello Kitty

Robin Kassner Gets Serious

The Rules According to Aimee

Matt "The Candy Man" Riviera

Time for Patti to Give Me a Raise

Skeet Shooting is a Bad Date Idea

Let the Man Be the Man on a Date

Irv's Nerve

Patti's Favorite Episode

Intuition Working Overtime

The model executive and the cliff jumper


Well, to start with Heinz, he was kind of shocking to me. Heinz is basically the type of guy who's been around the block. He always has hotties all over him, because he's in the modeling industry. He owns an office here in L.A. and an office in N.Y. Any woman who wants to date him and wants to get her foot in the door can, and he can date 25 year olds until his eyes go. He's one of those men who, the older he gets, the younger ones will still keep calling because they want in the industry. Casting couch central! I'm thinking, "Ok that's great".He starts bragging to me how he wants older, refined women. He complained a bit -- he's a little bit of a complainer, a little bit of a Yenta. I was really surprised that had I not thrown Marcella in at the 11th hour, I don't think he would have picked anyone. I was really happy that he picked the girl I chose out of all of them, because she was my front runner. Hopefully he is going to learn that women in their late 30s and up are really the market to go after. He can't complain that he needs younger women who are brilliant, because 25 year olds are not brilliant. He has to get out of his own way. He's been divorced twice, he has kids, and he's approaching early 60s. It's time to push or get off the pot and stop running after young children, sleeping with them, and then having to deal with the aftermath when they are not as intelligent as he is. Of course they can't be, they are young enough to be his daughter! It's a joke.


As far as Paul goes, this was a shock and a half. This was kind of interesting -- Paul picked the hot, 21 year old cheerleader, right off the Christian boat, from one of the universities. I was thinking to myself, this is so not a fit. Once his religion sets in, and once her way of thinking sets in, it's just going to be a clash. He wanted this little hottie and I pushed him to pick Cidney because Chelsea had picked Cidney in advance. The prettiest girl in the bunch was Cidney, she was the front runner all the way, and she was Jewish. She was the only Jewish girl to pose for Playboy. What could be better? He didn't want her! Then I kept begging and begging and finally he goes out with her. What happens? I get a phone call that they're ENGAGED on the first date! Now I wasn't so sure about this, I'm one of those, "If you're a cliff jumper, and you jump off the cliff, you're going to fall splat on your ass!" type of people. I don't believe in it, but they are still engaged today.

Obviously my intuition was working overtime because I really felt she was right for him. I did something right with the help of Chelsea, who also pushed him to go out with her. I did feel there was a little flirting on his part with Chelsea, however. But, he needs to be with a Jewish girl because he's pretty religious, and its hard to convert someone to their way of thinking. He celebrates Shabbat, and on their second date they went to Cidney's house for Shabbat. So, I think this was a good fit over all. When you have religion come into play, where you are fixing people up, you have to take that into account right after looks. Looks first, religion second, or nothing will work out.

This social mixer took place at The Roosevelt Hotel and was the best event we had the whole season. I thought the place was absolutely beautiful, I thought the cocktails were wonderful, I thought the way everybody were mingling and getting along was fantastic. We had an outside and indoor fabulous suite, Destin did a spectacular job arranging it and taking care of the waiting girls. I love that hip and ultra modern vibe. That's what our company is all about, always staying on the cutting edge of that next thing. I thought this totally fit our personality.

A Waste of a Good Mirror

Patti hopes they master cloning so Justin can date himself, but she's ecstatic Michael let his inner nerd hang out.

Read Patti's full transcript after the jump!

OK. This was a week and a half!

My first client was great. Michael Sartain, an estate manager who lives in Vegas. He’s good looking, rich, polite. What’s wrong with him? Well I meet him and I realize, there really isn’t anything wrong with him. He’s stuck in Vegas, all he does is work. But it’s just not the kind of town where you’re basically going to meet a really nice girl. He goes out  to clubs, he meets club girls. He goes out to casinos, same thing same thing over and over again. This is the kind of guy who’s as comfortable walking down the strip as burying his nose in a science book. He’s really smart.  And nerdy things but he doesn’t think girls want to hear about that. He’s super super sexy science cute. That’s where I come in.


I tell him that the first rule to having a relationship is being yourself. And if you’re a guy who loves physics and astronomy, well you better not date a girl who wants to go out dancing every night. That’s just, stupid! You don’t have to be twins but you have to respect eachother. I told Michael that it was ok to let the inner nerd come out a little bit. And find out if that was acceptable to a girl. And he would have no problem!

On the other side of things, though, I’ve had one of my most annoying clients ever. Justin Ross Lee. J-R-L. The guy that makes narcissism look like a super power. He’s one of those guys that is just so in love with himself. Why don’t they finally master cloning and give him what he wants -- another him. Here’s the thing, with this guy he’s all bullsh--. I know he has money, he’s inherited a bunch form his parents. He’s all into the rich look and being pretentious. And if he doesn’t lose the act, and get real, he will never meet a woman he can be in a relationship with. If he really wants that, he’s so full of shit.

But I can’t say that I’m not going to try. I bring out all the tricks in my book. I ask him to nurture a plant and bring it to the mixer. He brings plastic. I ask him to lose the pretentious douche-wear. Putting on something fun and 70s for a disco mixer! He ignores me, he still wears Piccadilly pants.  I ask him to get real and actually lose his fake attitude, and ask the girls authentic questions, he acts like an asshole! So at some point, there’s not much more I can do to this guy. I can lead the horse to water, but I can't change him if he’s a horses a--.

The 70s disco mixer goes great. We’ve got like 10 disco balls and Michael’s totally into it wearing a huge wig, he’s great. Justin Ross Lee wears a stupid suit and his pocket square -- yuck. He’s getting on my nerves! I try to get him to be himself and he doesn’t f---ing budge. So I’m glad that we picked out a girl with a sense of humor who can take him down a notch. In the end he chooses Ariane and Alex. Two models, shocker, of course. For his mini dates and ends up with Arianne. Good -- shes not gonna put up with his f---ing bullsh--.

On the other side, Michael is letting his nerd hang out. He’s being honest and telling the girls what he loves to do. His science stuff. And you know what? They like him for who he is because he’s being honest about himself and telling them what he’s into. He picks two great girls. Cynthia and Andrea.

Michael takes her to a flight simulator thing where you can pick your own jet fighter and she loves it in the end, they’re shooting each other down like Top Gun and it’s super sexy. But he also brings his romantic side. He has a strong quartet playing for her and then he brings her to a nice romantic dinner where they really talk and get to know each other. And she responds to him. It goes great. That’s what happens when a guy listens to me!

Meanwhile Mr. Pretentious Jacka-- I’m An A--hole With My Pocket Square, gets a big yacht (meaning he has no penis) and he tries to wine and dine young Ariane, who knows he’s full of sh-- the moment he opens his mouth. And just like I suspected- he can’t keep his mouth closed for more than a second before he’s insulting her. He says he looked her up on Google, and she’s not really thirty, and she’s been lying to him. Now I know she’s really 35 -- I have her drivers license. When I screened Arianne, I saw that she was 35 which is on her paperwork -- that’s fine! That’s what I told him I was going to have at the mixer 30 and 35! I don’t really give a shit, because on the paperwork, she fit the bill for him to date. He’s rude to ask and he was a complete dick about it.

So we all know why Justin isn’t leaving my club with a girl on his arm: because Justin is in love with one thing, and that’s not money, that’s not blondes, that’s Justin. And I’m never going to set him up with a girl who’s as ugly as himself -- that’s for sure. The guy’s a waste of a good mirror. 

Read more about: