Ask Patti: Moving Towards Marriage

Patti answers your questions about when to consider marriage.

I love the Heidi and Bill storyline - any more updates on their relationship?

You’re not the only one who loves these two! They aren’t following my club rules for a successful relationship, but they’re trying! I love Heidi!

I know relationships all seem to have various speeds to them, however how long should one date another before marriage is considered? Should ultimatums ever be used? When should you walk away? Is there a timeline that should be followed? First time you meet their parents? He meets your parents? You are introduced to his friends and vice versa? Does it change depending on backgrounds, for example Race or Ethnicity? Or even religion? One of my colleagues dated a guy for 22 years and he never married her. I don't want to waste my time. I am 32 (he's 37) and we've dated for 4 years, I want a family and he has said he wants the same thing. What do I do? Help!

You have asked many questions, so I’ll tackle a few. First, you should consider marriage after 9 months of dating in a serious monogamous relationship, which is in my book “Become Your Own Matchmaker”. I don’t advise ultimatums, rather “Me-amatums”, which is another technique highlighted in my book. Many of your other questions are answered in my book as well... But to get to the last, important question, if you have “dated” for 4 years and he hasn’t proposed, it’s time to take the next step and have a serious talk about the your collaborative future together.

You are adorable and I love the show. I am increasingly irritated at a few of the disgruntled millionaires trying to insult you by showcasing you are not married. Why do they assume your boyfriend is not ready? Does it occur to them that you might not be married because you are not ready?

Thanks for the love and support! I’m not sure the millionaires assume my boyfriend isn’t ready or not. Some of these guys are angry and will attack any perceived “problem” with me or my staff if we supply tough love. I showcase the philosophy that you don’t have to be married to be happy or in love. I’m content at where the relationship is at present – this what I want.

Hi Patti! I love the show so much. I'm a business owner in pet care. Your approach with people has been really inspiring to me. You have a real way of saying exactly what you think and are so confident. People may not always like what you say but they respect it. Your attitude has really influenced me to be more confident. I think if I decide to move in with my long distance boyfriend, he will propose.. Why do you think if you live with a man before marriage, he won't propose? I understand the logic somewhat. But, we love each other and want to be together. It seems like the natural choice in moving forward. He's a good man and not your typical jackass. We've talked for a year and dated exclusively for about 6 mos. I'll be 30 in July and he's 32. We're both successful in our fields. I think we've both been out there long enough and are ready to settle down. So why isn't it okay to move in before marriage?

Monica, It’s the old adage, “Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free”. Such as with my own relationship, we live separately, and will live together if and when we get married. Once the couple moves in together, it changes the dynamics of the relationship, and takes away some of the mystery and mystique of the woman. Give it another 3 months and reevaluate your future. I don’t condone living together – even if Destin is doing it!

Hi Patti,
I have been dating a really great guy for a month: Jewish, gorgeous who's a yacht captain. He works for mega millionaires who travel often so his life belongs to them. When we're together it's glorious! He's the perfect gentleman. When he's away on the yacht I seldom hear from him. Is dating a workaholic worth it?
Shanna S

Shanna, Congratulations on your new relationship with the gorgeous captain! It’s great he has a job with a future. Have you talked about your feelings regarding his lack of communication? He may not know this is a problem, or it may not be a problem to him. Expression of your wants and needs early on in a relationship will result in healthier communication later on down the road. I suggest you two sit down and discuss concerns while the relationship is forming. And remember, a man (or woman) who loves their job is better than one who doesn’t!

Patti, dearest:
I want to exude your sexiness. How on earth do you walk in such stilettos without falling or wailing from pain at the end of the day?
Clumsy and clueless

Dear Clumsy, Stillettos and Patti go together like hand in glove. Wearing heels has always come naturally to me, and I could probably run the LA marathon in a nice pair of Jimmy Choos! My definition of sexiness is being yourself to your best ability. Highlight the positive, work it and shine girl!

Hey Patti,
I am 23 years old and I am earning my degree in school counseling. My boyfriend is 28 and we have been dating 2 years and 2 months. I am ready for marriage but he says he is not ready. How do I move him toward the altar a little faster? Help! Thanks

The good thing is you are very young. Is the relationship monogamous and exclusive? Is your boyfriend in school or working on starting or furthering his career? Are you close to finishing your degree? There is no race to the alter until you have jobs, careers and other assorted plans discussed. Have you talked about these issues? Maybe your man has a master plan. You won’t know until you have a nice discussion. Good luck Kim!

Have a question for Patti? Leave it below and check back next week!

Making a Match: Brooklyn Chooses Sizzle vs. Substance

Patti dishes on what it was like working with Thicker Than Water Brooklyn Tankard and getting a New York player to start take matchmaking seriously.

Season 8 of The Millionaire Matchmaker is one of the most dramatic ever. This time around, Patti Stanger is helping plenty of unlikely clients find love, from RHOA’s Kenya Moore and Sheree Whitfield to rap royalty Romeo Miller.

Each week, we're asking Patti to weigh in on every episode in her exclusive vlog. She'll tackle the good (Brooklyn on French kissing), the bad (Amit’s beard)—and the hilarious (Patti’s New York accent!).

This week, she talks about setting up Thicker Than Water's Brooklyn Tankard and teaching this Long Island divorcee to stop looking for love at the clubs. Check out the latest episode vlog below and watch past episodes here.

Brooklyn Tankard the star of Thicker Than Water is up this week. Brooklyn is pretty funny and exciting, she’s a little bit off though. She’s basically a single mom with a daughter and you know she doesn’t get to meet quality men, she really hasn’t found her equal.

My other client this week is liquor entrepreneur Amit Ram, he’s from Long Island. He’s got this awful f---ing beard on his face. Girls in the clubs like his beard, yeah, yeah in 1959 they do, not in 2015.

For those two we chose to do a Hot Seat Mixer. That means Brooklyn and Amit interview potential dates and if they don’t like someone they can kick them out of the hot seat, but if they like them, they get to stay. So it’s kind of like musical chairs.

Brooklyn goes through a bunch of guys and some of them are really awesome. I personally love Jason, he’s tall, he’s older, he’s been divorced, he has kids, he’s a very solid guy. But Brooklyn’s got her eye on Michael who's a bit younger, really hot, super sexy, has sort of a football player look -- and she can’t take her eyes off of him. Instead of going for the substance she’s going for the sizzle.

Meanwhile, Amit chose a great little petite girl named Daniella, she’s also a gym rat like him, they have a lot in common. He’s taken her on an interesting date, free-running training, you know when run and when you jump and you climb, it’s kind of extreme dating. They’re both pretty bad at it, but they love working out so they have a really great time. Then he takes her to a nice dinner at a classy place, Miceli’s.

I just hope Brooklyn took some of my lessons with her back to Nashville, because she needs a lot of work.

Patti Stanger

Brooklyn had a really nice date with Michael, they went peddle boating. But Michael didn’t ask much about Brooklyn, and this didn’t really work out for her because she likes to be the center of attention. So I don’t think that she chose well. I think it should’ve been Jason, which is the one I wanted her to go out with all along. I just hope she took some of my lessons with her back to Nashville because she needs a lot of work. I bet she'll be back again next time.      

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