Ask the Matchmakers: It's Not You, It's Me

Our matchmakers advise you to work out your own issues before looking for love.  

I've only had a handful of relationships, which is fine. My problem is in the history of my life I've never had a guy really stick around. I find guys who are still stuck in the teenage mentality and want me to make all the decisions. Or I find guys who are older and I have very little in common with. I don't necessarily want a ring, but an adult committed relationship would be great. Someone to grow and share life with. Why does this seem so hard to find? -Kelly N.

What's the common denominator in your problem? You. It's not the guys that have the issues so much as it is you having issues with the guys. How old are you? What do you do for a living? Where do you live? It's not like there's a magical man farm where you can just go pick one out and a call it a day. Think about it. AGE: Your age and his.  Are you truly mature enough to have a relationship, or are you a kid wanting to play grown up? Are you picking up boys from high school or the senior home? Face it, most men don't grow up until they're in their mid-thirties. It's just the way it is. OCCUPATION: Are you dating fellow video game testers? Are you swimming in a sea of kids that you work with and that's who you date? What you do for a living, and what they do partially makes up who they are.  Remember that. LOCATION: Location! Location! Location! Dated everyone in your city? Time to date elsewhere! 

Men are malleable to an extent –- don't be so quick to write them off.


I've had a few relationships. But what seems to be the pattern is that, things will go great with the guy for about a month, then they'll leave me to date a friend of mine. While I want my friends to be happy and find someone too, I'd also like to attract a guy that will stick around to hopefully develop something! I try not to let it get to me too much, and I always pick up my head and try to remain open to new people. I know I'll be meeting a whole new group of men (hopefully) when I head to grad school, but it would be so nice to hear another perspective on why this is happening. I'm not sure if it's something I'm doing, maybe I just don't know how to "keep my man." But maybe you've heard of this before and have a tidbit of wisdom to share so it won't happen again! -elissakay01

And the answer is ... stop introducing your guys to your friends! There, problem solved. Kidding. If a guy is so quick to leave you for one of your friends, the answer is clear -– you need new guys AND NEW FRIENDS! Your picker is off! You're surrounding yourself with crappy people that don't care about you. CHANGE THAT. You're better than that. THANK GOD you're going to grad school. Think of that as a time to start fresh,and be choosier on who you let into your life. Also, take a look in the mirror and see not just the outside of you but the inside as well. Are you everything you want to give and expect in return? Do a me-a-madum, get positive, and remember you are the catch!  Also, it wouldn't hurt to go buy Patti's book, BECOME YOUR OWN MATCHMAKER. It'll have the in-depth details I think you need.


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