Ask the Matchmakers

Our matchmakers suggest making time for dating and toning down aggressive behavior. 

Nov 9, 20100

I've been in the military for eight years and have now gotten out and moved home to WI. I'm 30 years old and have two college degrees. I'm currently a chef and love my job. Unfortunately, my job takes up a lot of my time, and also my location hinders my dating pool. I've found that a lot of guys are intimidated by me. I'm very blunt (not rude but straight to the point). I also have a lot of tattoos, and I guess that's become another factor in why men are intimidated by me. In reality, I'm a 5'3'' blonde woman that has a heart of gold, but I don't put up with BS. I'm beginning to think I may be alone forever! Everyone I know already has children and is married or has been married. Is there still hope? –Viewer222

There is always hope no matter what age you are. You have a few things however that need some fixing. Your job for one. In order for you to find love you need to make time for it. The more of a work-a-holic you are, the less time you will have for dating. Get out there and MAKE TIME to date even if it's on a Sunday. Number two, your demeanor is apparently too harsh. The more masculine energy you put out, the more the guys will be intimidated. It's not the tattoos that are scary, it's your energy. It's ok to be blunt and to the point, but don't get drill sergeant on the guys or they'll run away. Show the softer side of you.  -Rachel

Be sure to leave your questions in the comments!

16 comments
Julie L Hewitt
Julie L Hewitt

Hi, Are you a male? Are you still single? Just curious. My dad is a retired captain, would love to talk to you. I am looking for someone who is looking for a ltr, no head games, etc. Give me a shout if you're interested. Thx.

Julie- 41yr. old single attractive female, MA

Laj
Laj

Dear Patti, I'm obsessed with your show and watch it religiously on hulu all the way from Sydney, Australia. I've been obsessing over the Opposites Don't Attract episode as there was a guy with a leather belted holster for his iphone that I've spent hours trying to find on the internet with no avail. Can you help a boy out? Luke

Bree1977
Bree1977

I am a police officer that is looking for love. The problem is that men are intimidated by the fact that I carry a gun and a badge. That is my career but not who I am. I want to be made to feel safe and secure just like any other female. I am hard and tough at work, but that gets me home every night. There is a persona that the badge gets the date, which is true for the men( although it's not always the women they really need!) I want true love and not a holster sniffer. Patty what do you suggest?

s
s

I have been dating this guy for 2 yrs. I do not see a commitment. I see that he is so driven by his work. I Have stood by him this time and feel If I want to be with him I need to continue on his side. You can say I am like his right hand, but I do not see him committed in anyway? Why? Does he not realize that I can leave and he will loose. What am I doing wrong? Or what can I do to make him realize or appreciate me as a person?

SANIQUE
SANIQUE

I JUST HAVE ONE QUESTION HOW CAN I GET ON THE SHOW AND GET HELP?

IcisCold
IcisCold

Everything happens for a reason and we are always given hurdles to overcome the point is to get the lesson. There is something to be learned from your experiences.

You don't ask God for anything you aren't prepared or preparing to be yourself. So.... don't ask for a millionaire unless you are trying to become a millionaire... not heiress. don't ask for a woman who will devote all her time and energy to you and you work most of the day.

I think you need to learn to love yourself, first, and true love will follow.

Kimberly Jo Hendrickson
Kimberly Jo Hendrickson

I am just wondering why you only help young people... what about the 40+ women and older men?? I am 44 and have spent my life raising my two kids and now I wpould like to meet that ONE! Can you help?

K.

Wolfie81
Wolfie81

I might say something about our age difference if I wanted to tease you, but I am actually looking for an attractive, driven, and smart woman. I'm a 29 year old, smart, yet shy man. I don't have a lot of experience dating, and I've never been in a relationship (meaningful or otherwise).

Anyway just keep going after the men that are attractive to you. Any man that rejects a woman based on age is just not interested in her.

DIGNIFIEDaddict;)
DIGNIFIEDaddict;)

AMEN! I agree with Amy W, and I asked Patti that same question in her blog. Plus, if Rachel and Destin's blog is about advice on chilling out, might they direct that advice to Patti herself, who seems so stressed out this season, always yelling, yelling, yelling. I'd like to see some matches made in heaven, by Patti herself, a supposed goddess in the arena of helping others find true love. After all, that's what I thought we were watching. If not, this show got high-jacked.

Amy W
Amy W

Patti claims to have such a high success rate, but 2/3 of the couples we see on the show don't see each other again or don't work out as a much. What is the story?

Viewer22289
Viewer22289

I would suggest moving somewhere different. There are a lot of nice ppl in socal

marco freitas
marco freitas

MY WHOLE LIFE SEEMS TO BE CRUMBLING DOWN, I HAVE BEEN MARRIED HAVE TWO KIDS AND NOW IM UNEMPLOYEED, THE GIRL I HAVE BEEN DATING JUST DUMPED ME CAUSE SHE WANTS KIDS AND I DONT. IAM A REALLY NICE GUY , BUT JUST SEEM TO BE REALLY OUT OF LUCK WITH LIFE, MAYBE I NEED SOMEONE WHO IS ALREADY A MILLIONAIRE SO WE DONT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT OUR SPENDING LIFE, I AM AN WORKAHOLIC BUT JUST SEEM TO BE GETTING NOWHERE WITH MY LIFE, EVERYTIME I TAKE ASTEP FOWARD SOMETHING TROWS ME DOWN THE STAIRS. DO YOU THINK THAT I MIGHT HAVE A SLIGHT CHANCE IN MEETING A WOMAN WHO WILL ACCEPT ME FOR WHO IAM AND MY PAST AND ALSO IS A MILLIONAIRE? IAM 35 AND LIFE SEEMS TO BE GOING PAST MY EYES AND HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THIS IS TAKING ME! I HAVE NEVER HAD A PROBLEM MEETING A GIRL BUT NOW IM JUST DEPRESSED

+Leah Sayeg
+Leah Sayeg

Dear Patti Stranger: My comment is..."Can you help my daughter find a husband...and with all the qualities your parents would want for you? I was "channel surfing" late last night and came upon your show..and how talented you are...but is this for real? I don't know...but I know that my daughter needs some help. She is talented, loving, a great mom, divorced (should have done it years ago)...beautiful..(See her website.."Knittaplease.com") and deserving of a decent, good man...that isn't going to be laid off in this recession. Does she have trouble being asked out? No...just keeps it at friendship level because she is attracted to "self-made" men with creative ideas and there dosen't seem to be those men in Houston, Texas...that are single and looking...or she is just too busy. Does she know her mom is doing this--No! But she does get to New York often for work and to visit her brother. Her email: magda.sayeg@gmail.com Thank you. Sincerely, Leah Sayeg

confuzzled
confuzzled

First off, I know you'll say I'm young, but my maturity level is like that of a 30 year old (I'm the oldest of 4). I'm 21, never been kissed meaningfully, and have never had a boyfriend. Ever. I'm not a social butterfly, e.g. clubs/bars, huge parties where "men's'" drunken testosterone is at the ceiling, aren't my thing. I've only been on 8 dates. I am aggressive just in the fact that I know what I want and will do what I can, within moral reason, to get what I want and generally am blunt because I don't like beating around the bush.

I'm already seeing characteristics of a work-a-holic in myself (because I can't stand what my peers do) and I don't entirely like it because I don't want to miss the chance at love. I'm extremely tired of guys my age; they're annoying, immature and only want to "tap" that and if they can't they just want to be or can only see me as their friend..What's the deal? Surely I'm not the only one that feels this way... This obviously makes me attracted to older guys..yet the older guys (23-30) feel I'm too young...what can I do here?