Hello, New York! The people have spoken, and we have taken our skills in love on the road. Destin and I pulled out all the stops and got a great office and a new intern to help with the load. Bring on the millionaires and bring on those looking for love!
Our first week in the city that never sleeps brought us a whopper, Bryce Gruber and Derek Tabacco. Let's see here, a young Jewish mom, with as Patti says "a stick up her you-know-what" and a sports-junkie-not-as-good-looking-Mark Wahlberg-look-a-like with the last name that makes even the Marlborough Man want to quit. Oy vey, what a job we had this week! Barbie, we ain't in LA anymore!
Smoke signals and tweets must have been off the chain, because for our very first recruiting the girls and boys were lined up for blocks. So after Patti met with the princess and Derek "Can Some One Get Me A Light" Tabacco we needed super hot, tall, Jewish, funny, city boys and super hot, young, Italian, girls. Easy enough, right? This was my moment to teach Andreea the "you better deliver the goods or else" play. In the end we chose a lot of great guys and girls for our first mixer at The Water's Edge.
I was really hoping for everything to start off smoothly at the mixer, but then Bryce decided no one was good enough for her, and Derek wanted Andreea. We had tons of hot Jewish boys, so I'm not sure what Bryce's issue was and Derek … really? Andreea? She's off limits buddy. This was not starting off on the right foot that's for sure. Well Patti (along with Destin and I) laid the smack down on these millionaire knuckleheads, and Bryce chose Keith (who was tall, super sweet, and cute!) and Derek chose Colby. Colby Tabacco … is that a new kind of smoked cheese?
Bryce's date was amazing! Who wouldn't want to take a nice ride on a lake with a hunky boy rowing for you and then have dinner in the NY Public Library where Carrie Bradshaw was going to get married? Not Bryce apparently, most awkward date ever! Bryce you had a wonderful mensch on your hands and you let him slip away like your vagazzle beads on a sweaty NY summer day. Then we have Derek and Colby. I have to say she looked great, too great to be picked up in a VAN! Are we on our way to pick up the kids at soccer? Then he takes her to see a baseball game at a rowdy bar to drink beer and eat nachos. Wow, that's classy! Did he not learn anything from us? The two of them move on from the bro-fest to a hotel where Colby wears an outfit picked out for her by Derek, and they have a nice rooftop dinner. Okay, so he sort of listened to us. Good job, Derek! I was not surprised in the end that Colby was just not old enough for this millionaire.
New York, thanks for a great welcome and a wild week. Hopefully the millionaires will learn their lesson and next time let us (the experts) do our job.