Ah New York, the fabulous architecture, the amazing food, and the melting pot of culture! A different city with different people and maybe just maybe not so many crazies like nutty L.A. Sadly I was wrong, since in walked David and Jason. Looks like another difficult week for Team MC.
First we had Jason who claimed he's one hunky "white cheddah?" What does that even mean? Jason is a boy's boy who loves his boys so much he should marry them. Okay, I will admit, he's got a great body, good looking Jewish kid … but bringing your entourage of boys everywhere you go, especially on a date, is RIDICULOUS! Do they even go to the bathroom with him? What do groups of boys have in common? Booze and lots of it! Jason's drinking habit definitely did not fly with us. His type was Kim Kardashian with "junk in the trunk," and we have to find her in this town? After a really bad casting session involving a real life Dora The Explorer, we found Amy, a smoking hot Kim look-a- like with plenty of booty, and Shelly, a tall blonde Israeli beauty.
Next up is my client David, a manorexic, superficial, judgmental, artificial, pain in the you knows what. The best part was that he was gay, which is my specialty. I think David's Botox sucked his skin so tight that if he were to walk in Central Park dogs would chase him thinking he was a stick. His type … well I don't want to bore you to tears with a 50 page essay. The casting session was amazing, since gay guys are wonderful. We had no problem letting them all come to the mixer.
The mixer went off without a hitch, and everyone showed up dressed to impress. Well the daters did at any rate. Jason showed up looking like he was going to go sit in a log cabin with his boys and do keg stands. David showed up looking like a blue suede skeleton. Did the whole make-under not teach him anything? In the end Jason chose Amy and David chose Christos. At least they stuck to their guns here and chose well.
The dates were so tragic and shouldn't have happened to these wonderful daters. Maybe David and Bryce should go out with each? Do two awkwards make a right? I mean really, taking your date window-shopping for furniture? SNORE. Then they have dinner at a nice restaurant, kudos there, but he complains about puree in his drink? OYE VEY. Then off to the park to sit and eat dessert, okay romantic-ish. But you could hear a pin drop, and the uncomfortable silence was so bad you could almost see the thought bubble from Christos saying, "Please for the love of God get me out of here!" David you really are a nice guy, and I do hope you find love someday. If not there are always Restylane injections.
Moving on to Jason, he picks Amy up in a limo to take her to a nice sushi dinner. Looking good so far right? She looked adorable by the way. He actually dressed like a MAN and not a frat boy. Well five spicy tunas and a rainbow roll later … yes, its Sake Bomb time. Didn't take him long before bringing on the liquor. Poor Amy! How awful to be around a lush when you aren't one yourself. After dinner Jason takes her to a roof top bar to hang with HIS BOYS! WHAT? Did he not learn anything from us? One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, FLOOR! What a train wreck. Jason's motto: CANDY IS DANDY BUT LIQUOR IS QUICKER. Not for Amy and certainly not in our club. After getting a verbal beating, Jason was kicked out and Amy is still looking for her prince charming. Jason, your liver is pickled and belongs on a pastrami sandwich from Katz's Deli. Your new girlfriend awaits you in rehab.