Cast Blog: #MATCHMAKER

Bird Flu

Making a Match: Crashing Chilli's Date!

Making a Match: Larry Birkhead & Melyssa Ford

Patti Turns NeNe's Bridesmaids to Brides

A Waste of a Good Mirror

Getting a Nice Guy for Rachel Uchitel

Breaking 'Matchmaker' History

Two Millionaires That Shouldn't Be Single

The Critical Dick Goes Home Alone

A Dorky Doc and a Hopeless Romantic

Carson Kressley, the Millionaire Whisperer

Patti's Vlog: Everyone Gets a Valentine!

Patti's Vlog: Patti's the Love Doctor

Patti's Vlog: Stefan Richter Tried to Date Patti!

A Bashful Beauty and a Not-So-Golden Oldie

A Shallow Old Dog and a Sweet River Rat

What Rosie Wants and a Gay Hugh Hefner

Great Expectations and the Running Man

Courtney Kerr and a Swedish Peacock

Sarcastic Cheban and a 'Man-diego' Bachelor

Sweetheart Swayze and a Virtual Phantom

Patti's Biggest, Most Tempting Mixer Yet

A Red-Hot Night for the Millionaires

Time for Some Spice: The Ginger Mixer!

Gaynor Gets the Girl (So Does Allison!)

Adam Gaynor Wins, Allison Baver Skates By

Patti Says Leave Boss at the Business

Chef K Wins One for the Lesbian Team

Mitch Berger, NFL Peter Pan, Grows Up

Johnny Out Sweets Yigit

Sweet Yigit Gets No Sugar on His Date

Just Robin Being Robin

Bye-Bye Bradley, Hello Kitty

Robin Kassner Gets Serious

The Rules According to Aimee

Matt "The Candy Man" Riviera

Time for Patti to Give Me a Raise

Skeet Shooting is a Bad Date Idea

Let the Man Be the Man on a Date

Irv's Nerve

Patti's Favorite Episode

Bird Flu

Episode 10: Bravotv.com's Associate Editor debates sex appeal of dating birds, Dougie-ing, and the 5-second flirt.

Hello Matchmaker fans!

It feels like it's been eons, and in a way it has. But here we are on Tuesdays now, which is really great because I like to go on dates on Thursdays, and this way I can use my Patti pearls then. Just to give you some insight into my personal life, about which you probably care very little.

Anyway let's talk about what's important here -- Ms. Stanger and the young men she helped this week.

Don't: Cry in your soup
When Patti sat down to discuss social media with her expert she made mention of girls "crying into [their] soup," and just the thought of that really disturbed me. Ladies, if you're going to cry don't do it into a soup. That's just super sad. I mean I guess it's better than crying on crackers, but Jeez Louise, is that a pathetic thought. Perk up women of the world. There's a man right around the corner.

Do: Give romance-novel kisses to Jenny McCarthy -- if the opportunity presents itself
Patti's first young client is Bill, an Eric Stoltz-style gingy looking to find love away from the computer screen. In the land of Palo Alto, there hasn't been a girl to help him get out from behind the desk and onto the playing field, so Patti decides to test his game -- with Singled Out alum Jenny McCarthy. Jenny is a perfect fit because she loves nerds (Jim Carrey also has a touch of ginger about him, just to drive this point home). And so, Patti throws young Bill right to the wolf.

He did amazing, complimenting her eyes/boobs, and talking enough about kisses to make Patti "wet" (her words). Here's hoping he does that phenomenally at the mixer.

Do: Wear a bra
As Patti showed one possible dater, there is always cleavage there. Sometimes you just have work harder to showcase it.

Do: talk about pop culture, but don't "Dougie"
As Bill so unfortunately, proved, this is not the optimal mating dance. I do hope Patti downloaded the track after the mixer though. No one should live a life without this song. It's a jam.

Do: 5 second flirt
Learn a lesson from Jenny McCarthy –- break the gaze. Don't just stare fellas. It's uber creepy.

Don't: peck
As Patti mentioned to Bill, pecking is for birds. And after a day of losing carnival games to Tracy, Bill should have gone a bit bigger on the Ferris Wheel. Winning at the Strong Man game isn't enough to prove that you'e no dork. As Patti said, "You're not allowed to peck any more. Pecks are for birds. Nobody wants to marry a bird." You're not exactly giving them the kiss that kills, unless you have the bird flu.

Don't: Make girls workout on a date!
Hot yoga? Hot yoga!?! If you can say, "you're going to schvitz a little bit," the task is too strenuous. When will you learn men of America? Let the ladies look nice out of the gate. Then get more active as things progress. Jen hung in there though, and by the time these kids went to dinner, she had cleaned the downward dog sweat off of her and was ready for Sky's more evening appropriate questions and hanging out. Granted he still asked her out via text, but baby steps. C minus is still a passing grade.

Next week, Patti meets her match, in drag queen form. This is bound to be a delight.

Making a Match: Larry Birkhead & Melyssa Ford

Find out what Patti really thought about sexy Melyssa and shy guy Larry's dates.

This week I got to meet one of the sweetest guys in the world, Larry Birkhead: the boy from Kentucky. There’s just one problem: he hasn’t dated in like a decade. This guy needs practice. I mean, he’s drop dead gorgeous and he can’t do anything. I can send him out into the world and the world of a mixer and a date, but he could botch it. Candace and I will give him some mock dating experience and I will pick his date for him. The first time he’ll meet her will be when they go out for the first time. No chance for him to get nervous, and more importantly, no time for the girl to look him up and see who he is. He can stand on his own two feet and just be himself, not Anna Nicole’s ex.

He can stand on his own two feet and just be himself, not Anna Nicole’s ex.

My other client this week is drop dead gorgeous: Melyssa Ford. She’s the star of Blood Sweat and Heels, she used to be in a bunch of music videos, and she was nicknamed the "Video Vixen". I know it’s hard to turn off the beauty and the booty, so I bring her to doctor Pat Allen. Doctor Pat and I have worked together for years. Doctor Pat told Melyssa that she should be leading with her brain. Melyssa can be sexy no matter what: but can she look for the guy who’s interested in what she has to say, not what she looks like?

So I’m doing something new: I get Candace and David to bring a bunch of good appropriate men and women to the mixer. I just want a handful of guys for Melyssa, and a handful of girls for Larry. I introduce the best ones to Melyssa for her to choose from, and I’ll pick the best girl to set up Larry with on a blind date. Melyssa picks Jay. Jay listened to the conversation, and remembered Melyssa liked bowling and cigars. And he took her on a perfect, fun, get-to-know-you date. Meanwhile, Larry met up with his date at Universal Studios. He had a private tour set up, and he and Michelle met for the first time. They had a blast. She knew who he was, but they got past that and they got to know each other. And he took her for dinner and even got a kiss at the end.

So in the end, I’m so happy that both Larry and Melyssa got to learn something. Larry got to know he can be himself and there’s no need to be shy, and she knows (Melyssa) that there are guys out there who can look past her booty and see the great girl underneath.

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