Cast Blog: #MATCHMAKER

Bird Flu

Making a Match: Patti Melts and Bravo Reunions

Making a Match: Speidi, Bad Guys & Playboy

Making a Match: The Real Perez and Sexy Sonja

Making a Match: Making Jill (and Ally) Happy

Making a Match: Crashing Chilli's Date!

Making a Match: Larry Birkhead & Melyssa Ford

Patti Turns NeNe's Bridesmaids to Brides

A Waste of a Good Mirror

Getting a Nice Guy for Rachel Uchitel

Breaking 'Matchmaker' History

Two Millionaires That Shouldn't Be Single

The Critical Dick Goes Home Alone

A Dorky Doc and a Hopeless Romantic

Carson Kressley, the Millionaire Whisperer

Patti's Vlog: Everyone Gets a Valentine!

Patti's Vlog: Patti's the Love Doctor

Patti's Vlog: Stefan Richter Tried to Date Patti!

A Bashful Beauty and a Not-So-Golden Oldie

A Shallow Old Dog and a Sweet River Rat

What Rosie Wants and a Gay Hugh Hefner

Great Expectations and the Running Man

Courtney Kerr and a Swedish Peacock

Sarcastic Cheban and a 'Man-diego' Bachelor

Sweetheart Swayze and a Virtual Phantom

Patti's Biggest, Most Tempting Mixer Yet

A Red-Hot Night for the Millionaires

Time for Some Spice: The Ginger Mixer!

Gaynor Gets the Girl (So Does Allison!)

Adam Gaynor Wins, Allison Baver Skates By

Patti Says Leave Boss at the Business

Chef K Wins One for the Lesbian Team

Mitch Berger, NFL Peter Pan, Grows Up

Johnny Out Sweets Yigit

Sweet Yigit Gets No Sugar on His Date

Just Robin Being Robin

Bye-Bye Bradley, Hello Kitty

Robin Kassner Gets Serious

The Rules According to Aimee

Matt "The Candy Man" Riviera

Time for Patti to Give Me a Raise

Bird Flu

Episode 10: Bravotv.com's Associate Editor debates sex appeal of dating birds, Dougie-ing, and the 5-second flirt.

Hello Matchmaker fans!

It feels like it's been eons, and in a way it has. But here we are on Tuesdays now, which is really great because I like to go on dates on Thursdays, and this way I can use my Patti pearls then. Just to give you some insight into my personal life, about which you probably care very little.

Anyway let's talk about what's important here -- Ms. Stanger and the young men she helped this week.

Don't: Cry in your soup
When Patti sat down to discuss social media with her expert she made mention of girls "crying into [their] soup," and just the thought of that really disturbed me. Ladies, if you're going to cry don't do it into a soup. That's just super sad. I mean I guess it's better than crying on crackers, but Jeez Louise, is that a pathetic thought. Perk up women of the world. There's a man right around the corner.

Do: Give romance-novel kisses to Jenny McCarthy -- if the opportunity presents itself
Patti's first young client is Bill, an Eric Stoltz-style gingy looking to find love away from the computer screen. In the land of Palo Alto, there hasn't been a girl to help him get out from behind the desk and onto the playing field, so Patti decides to test his game -- with Singled Out alum Jenny McCarthy. Jenny is a perfect fit because she loves nerds (Jim Carrey also has a touch of ginger about him, just to drive this point home). And so, Patti throws young Bill right to the wolf.

He did amazing, complimenting her eyes/boobs, and talking enough about kisses to make Patti "wet" (her words). Here's hoping he does that phenomenally at the mixer.

Do: Wear a bra
As Patti showed one possible dater, there is always cleavage there. Sometimes you just have work harder to showcase it.

Do: talk about pop culture, but don't "Dougie"
As Bill so unfortunately, proved, this is not the optimal mating dance. I do hope Patti downloaded the track after the mixer though. No one should live a life without this song. It's a jam.

Do: 5 second flirt
Learn a lesson from Jenny McCarthy –- break the gaze. Don't just stare fellas. It's uber creepy.

Don't: peck
As Patti mentioned to Bill, pecking is for birds. And after a day of losing carnival games to Tracy, Bill should have gone a bit bigger on the Ferris Wheel. Winning at the Strong Man game isn't enough to prove that you'e no dork. As Patti said, "You're not allowed to peck any more. Pecks are for birds. Nobody wants to marry a bird." You're not exactly giving them the kiss that kills, unless you have the bird flu.

Don't: Make girls workout on a date!
Hot yoga? Hot yoga!?! If you can say, "you're going to schvitz a little bit," the task is too strenuous. When will you learn men of America? Let the ladies look nice out of the gate. Then get more active as things progress. Jen hung in there though, and by the time these kids went to dinner, she had cleaned the downward dog sweat off of her and was ready for Sky's more evening appropriate questions and hanging out. Granted he still asked her out via text, but baby steps. C minus is still a passing grade.

Next week, Patti meets her match, in drag queen form. This is bound to be a delight.

Making a Match: Making Jill (and Ally) Happy

Patti finds the perfect match to suit both Ally and Jill's needs and tries to take the pink away from her Prince.

Season 8 of The Millionaire Matchmaker is one of the most dramatic ever. This time around, Patti Stanger is helping plenty of unlikely clients find love, from Larry Birkhead and Perez Hilton to RHONY's own Sonja Morgan.

Each week, we're asking Patti to weigh in on every episode in her exclusive vlog. She'll tackle the good (crashing and saving Chilli's date), the bad (pink speedos)—and the hilarious (again, pink speedos). This week, she talks about setting up Jill Zarin's daughter Ally, matching a real Prince, and more. Check out the latest episode vlog below and watch past episodes here.

Read the full transcription below:

I summer with my good friend Jill Zarin every year. She spent four seasons on The Real Housewives of New York and just asked me to set up her daughter Ally. Ally is like my niece, so how could I say no? Now she's out of school, starting working and living her own life, which is important because until now she's been in the shadow of her mom, overprotective. It's now time for Ally to cut the cord and just be Ally. Ally's 22, cute, sweet and intelligent. I told her I could set her up, but it has to be the guy she wants and not what Jill wants.

My other client this week is a German prince, an adopted prince, and his stepmother happens to be Zsa Zsa Gabor. Oo la la! The first thing I notice is he leads with his princely ways. He's got a sash and medals, not to mention pink pants. That's gotta go. I start with some rules: don't tell the girls he's a prince, don't wear anything pink -- definitely straight -- that's not rugged. Instead of being the Prince I told him to be, "Yo, Max, from New Jersey!" Surely I can make him a man. Will it work? We'll see.

Because Ally can use a little confidence, I set up a meeting with Kristin Cavalarri. She's the perfect big sister that Ally can relate to. She's around the same age, grew up on reality TV and can advise her.


So it's recruiting time and I'm shakin' it up! After Candace and David have chosen appropriate daters, they get dressed to the nines and we have a party while Ally is upstairs watching. Jill and I go around the groups of guys and vet the daters. In the end, Ally chose James, a good choice. And he's Jewish -- that'll make Jill happy.

I told her I could set her up, but it has to be the guy she wants and not what Jill wants.


Now it's time to find a curvy blonde princess for the prince. I go around to all the groups of girls and make selections. I end up with four hottie patotties. The prince meets with all four girls and gets to know them. But ultimately Emily was the girl to teach the prince some masculine moves!

For their date, James and Ally met at the Wildlife Learning Center -- they get to know each other, check out some of the animals. Afterwards they have some stiff drinks as the bar.

Meanwhile the prince makes a grand entrance on the beach for his date. He comes out of the water  in a pink speedo. He did bring champagne, though. Emily showed him some yoga moves. Then they had a lovely conversation on a yacht. He told her his secret. She barely batted an eye. But she was up for the swim. When the prince moved in for a kiss, he was rejected. Maybe it was the pink speedo, or the flabby belly, maybe next time, no prince.

Both my couples learned a lot. But I will be following up with Ally. I really want her to end up with a great guy.

 

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