Cast Blog: #MATCHMAKER

Is There A Man That Can Keep Up With Me?

Episode 6: Bravotv.com's Associate Editor lets the world know she doesn't date before 7 am or after a strip show.

Now that Patti is feeling balanced (thanks to Mary Miller's apparently-Lisa Frank designed booster support pack), let's launch into this week's episode, which features a pair of insane millionaires – a controlling plastic surgeon and a wild child dance instructor. Will they find love together? Or at all? Let’s see.

Do: Make your bed – just let the person out of it first
Oh Frank. You are a tough nut to crack. I'm glad you’re an early riser, but jeez louise. 5 am Bed made? Anti In-N-Out burger? Haven't you heard of morning sex? Relax, also never ever sign off like Seacrest. Even Ryan Seacrest can barely pull that off.

Yeah, Patti's going to have a lot of notes for this guy.

Do: Put the penis away, ladies. Behind dark colors.
I had strong feelings for Emma right for the get go. What can I say, an accent and a stripper pole are usually all it takes to pique my curiosity. So by the time she rattled through her marriage history (Vegas, died in a fire, and the contractor that fixed the fire) and got to the meat of the matter ("Is there a man that can keep up with me? I don't know."), I was dying to hear what Patti had to say (besides, “Dear God, woman fix your hair").

It seems the problem isn't her untamed tresses, or her silky pink tops (though, yes, Patti will fix those), it's her aggression. It's girl time! And Patti's here to shaman you into femininity -– with Ann Taylor clothes.

As the glittery extensions fell away and Emma became the realtor of her nightmares, it was clear she wasn't ready to put the penis or the stripper clothes away. In the history of makeover montages, I've never seen the makee(?) so disinterested. For every new outfit there was a swift British "Neither." I think we're aware of how this is going to turn out. Don't: Have a DUI or wear a trenchcoat –- and by G-d take notes
After Patti calls in a second opinion to tell Frank he's cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs it's time for the two-way mirror meet and greet. This is a device I can really get behind. It's like Patti's on Law and Order. If only I could be the Christopher Meloni to her Mariska Hargitay we could solve all the world’s love crimes together.

And perhaps it was the detective-like two way mirror that led Emma to wear a trenchcoat. It is the perfect outfit for intrigue, but as a topper for a taffeta cupcake of a dress that was not Patti-approved, it was a terrible start. (Note: even Frank shook his head in disapproval). But still fun times with the mirror. Frank took notes. Emma made lots of jokes about motor boating and pot smoking. These people failed on all accounts.

At least that girls off the sauce. In the end Patti set Frank up with Natalie, and Emma with Kelly -- promising.

Don’t: Start a date before 7 AM, especially if it includes mixed martial arts
My thoughts about Frank's date can best be summarized in one word: No.

No wonder after Natalie was forced to box for his entertainment, dinner was awkward. She was exhausted! And at one point he complimented her on "taking direction very well." That's no way to fight your stereotype of being controlling friend. All in all, not exactly the ideal date for me, or anyone with their own personality.

Don't: Start a date with a strip show
Ladies and gentleman I present to you, the latest in Matchmaker's long line of cringe inducing moments. Emma gently surprises her date Kelly, with this:

And then the couple had a nice quiet sushi meal and ran away together. Just kidding! Kelly said he'd probably never see her again, and Emma decided she'd leave the club and just go get married to herself.

Not a great week for Patti (she ended by wondering if Frank was going to be "in the nursing home, alone jacking off"). But guess what? She gets to try again on Sunday. That's right, Sunday at 10/9 C Patti will be back and then be with Andy for a whole hour of Watch What Happens Live Clubhouse antics. You aren't even ready.

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Making a Match: Brooklyn Chooses Sizzle vs. Substance

Patti dishes on what it was like working with Thicker Than Water Brooklyn Tankard and getting a New York player to start take matchmaking seriously.

Season 8 of The Millionaire Matchmaker is one of the most dramatic ever. This time around, Patti Stanger is helping plenty of unlikely clients find love, from RHOA’s Kenya Moore and Sheree Whitfield to rap royalty Romeo Miller.

Each week, we're asking Patti to weigh in on every episode in her exclusive vlog. She'll tackle the good (Brooklyn on French kissing), the bad (Amit’s beard)—and the hilarious (Patti’s New York accent!).

This week, she talks about setting up Thicker Than Water's Brooklyn Tankard and teaching this Long Island divorcee to stop looking for love at the clubs. Check out the latest episode vlog below and watch past episodes here.

Brooklyn Tankard the star of Thicker Than Water is up this week. Brooklyn is pretty funny and exciting, she’s a little bit off though. She’s basically a single mom with a daughter and you know she doesn’t get to meet quality men, she really hasn’t found her equal.

My other client this week is liquor entrepreneur Amit Ram, he’s from Long Island. He’s got this awful f---ing beard on his face. Girls in the clubs like his beard, yeah, yeah in 1959 they do, not in 2015.

For those two we chose to do a Hot Seat Mixer. That means Brooklyn and Amit interview potential dates and if they don’t like someone they can kick them out of the hot seat, but if they like them, they get to stay. So it’s kind of like musical chairs.

Brooklyn goes through a bunch of guys and some of them are really awesome. I personally love Jason, he’s tall, he’s older, he’s been divorced, he has kids, he’s a very solid guy. But Brooklyn’s got her eye on Michael who's a bit younger, really hot, super sexy, has sort of a football player look -- and she can’t take her eyes off of him. Instead of going for the substance she’s going for the sizzle.

Meanwhile, Amit chose a great little petite girl named Daniella, she’s also a gym rat like him, they have a lot in common. He’s taken her on an interesting date, free-running training, you know when run and when you jump and you climb, it’s kind of extreme dating. They’re both pretty bad at it, but they love working out so they have a really great time. Then he takes her to a nice dinner at a classy place, Miceli’s.

I just hope Brooklyn took some of my lessons with her back to Nashville, because she needs a lot of work.

Patti Stanger

Brooklyn had a really nice date with Michael, they went peddle boating. But Michael didn’t ask much about Brooklyn, and this didn’t really work out for her because she likes to be the center of attention. So I don’t think that she chose well. I think it should’ve been Jason, which is the one I wanted her to go out with all along. I just hope she took some of my lessons with her back to Nashville because she needs a lot of work. I bet she'll be back again next time.      

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