Cast Blog: #MATCHMAKER

Is There A Man That Can Keep Up With Me?

Episode 6: Bravotv.com's Associate Editor lets the world know she doesn't date before 7 am or after a strip show.

Now that Patti is feeling balanced (thanks to Mary Miller's apparently-Lisa Frank designed booster support pack), let's launch into this week's episode, which features a pair of insane millionaires – a controlling plastic surgeon and a wild child dance instructor. Will they find love together? Or at all? Let’s see.

Do: Make your bed – just let the person out of it first
Oh Frank. You are a tough nut to crack. I'm glad you’re an early riser, but jeez louise. 5 am Bed made? Anti In-N-Out burger? Haven't you heard of morning sex? Relax, also never ever sign off like Seacrest. Even Ryan Seacrest can barely pull that off.

Yeah, Patti's going to have a lot of notes for this guy.

Do: Put the penis away, ladies. Behind dark colors.
I had strong feelings for Emma right for the get go. What can I say, an accent and a stripper pole are usually all it takes to pique my curiosity. So by the time she rattled through her marriage history (Vegas, died in a fire, and the contractor that fixed the fire) and got to the meat of the matter ("Is there a man that can keep up with me? I don't know."), I was dying to hear what Patti had to say (besides, “Dear God, woman fix your hair").

It seems the problem isn't her untamed tresses, or her silky pink tops (though, yes, Patti will fix those), it's her aggression. It's girl time! And Patti's here to shaman you into femininity -– with Ann Taylor clothes.

As the glittery extensions fell away and Emma became the realtor of her nightmares, it was clear she wasn't ready to put the penis or the stripper clothes away. In the history of makeover montages, I've never seen the makee(?) so disinterested. For every new outfit there was a swift British "Neither." I think we're aware of how this is going to turn out. Don't: Have a DUI or wear a trenchcoat –- and by G-d take notes
After Patti calls in a second opinion to tell Frank he's cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs it's time for the two-way mirror meet and greet. This is a device I can really get behind. It's like Patti's on Law and Order. If only I could be the Christopher Meloni to her Mariska Hargitay we could solve all the world’s love crimes together.

And perhaps it was the detective-like two way mirror that led Emma to wear a trenchcoat. It is the perfect outfit for intrigue, but as a topper for a taffeta cupcake of a dress that was not Patti-approved, it was a terrible start. (Note: even Frank shook his head in disapproval). But still fun times with the mirror. Frank took notes. Emma made lots of jokes about motor boating and pot smoking. These people failed on all accounts.

At least that girls off the sauce. In the end Patti set Frank up with Natalie, and Emma with Kelly -- promising.

Don’t: Start a date before 7 AM, especially if it includes mixed martial arts
My thoughts about Frank's date can best be summarized in one word: No.

No wonder after Natalie was forced to box for his entertainment, dinner was awkward. She was exhausted! And at one point he complimented her on "taking direction very well." That's no way to fight your stereotype of being controlling friend. All in all, not exactly the ideal date for me, or anyone with their own personality.

Don't: Start a date with a strip show
Ladies and gentleman I present to you, the latest in Matchmaker's long line of cringe inducing moments. Emma gently surprises her date Kelly, with this:

And then the couple had a nice quiet sushi meal and ran away together. Just kidding! Kelly said he'd probably never see her again, and Emma decided she'd leave the club and just go get married to herself.

Not a great week for Patti (she ended by wondering if Frank was going to be "in the nursing home, alone jacking off"). But guess what? She gets to try again on Sunday. That's right, Sunday at 10/9 C Patti will be back and then be with Andy for a whole hour of Watch What Happens Live Clubhouse antics. You aren't even ready.

Making a Match: A #Matchmaker First!

Patti never dreamed that her couples counseling for Allison Baver and her man would end up in a Clubhouse proposal! 

Season 8 of The Millionaire Matchmaker is one of the most dramatic ever. This time around, Patti Stanger is helping plenty of unlikely clients find love, from Dina Lohan and Bravo's own Kenya Moore to The Bachelorette's Jesse Kovacs!

Each week, we're asking Patti to weigh in on every episode in her exclusive vlog. She'll tackle the good (a #Matchmaker proposal!), the bad (celeb chef Devin picking the wrong man)—and the surprising (exotic dancing, anyone?). 

This week, she talks about finding the perfect match for Devin Alexander, taking on her first Matchmaker couple Allison Baver and her boyfriend Tommy and more. Check out the latest episode vlog below and watch past episodes here.

This week Olympic Speed Skater Allison Baver came to me with her new boyfriend Tommy that has been together with her for ten months.
What they actually need is a relationship tune-up. That’s one of my rules: never move in without some form of commitment. Allison she is an alpha, she is interrupting Tommy a lot and doesn’t even realize it, and she’s bullying the poor guy.

The last thing that comes up is that he happens to be a former exotic dancer.
My second client this week is Devin Alexander she’s a chef to celebrities and a best-selling cookbook author. She’s a cute girl but she’s dressed in a grandma dress, bustling around her kitchen with a dippy smile on her face, so I have a lot of work to do this week. And lose that Batman Joker smile.

It's mixer day at the Emerson nightclub, Candace helped Devin by picking a sexy dress and she’s looking smoking hot but there is a twist, David brings Allison and Tommy to watch. And I can see it on Allison’s face -- watching the process reminds Allison how hard it is to meet a single guy.
I send them off on a surprise field trip, some love lessons. Meanwhile at the mixer Devin’s choices are narrowed down to three guys. I really like Dan and Aaron, but Devin keeps staring at Todd. Todd is great, but doesn’t really seem into her. I can lead a horse to water but I can’t make it drink. If Todd is a great date so be it, but she doesn’t listen.

When I asked if they were still thinking about marriage in the future, Tommy did something I wasn’t expecting. . .


Back to Allison and Tommy, I set up Allison with a class with a champion pole dancer. So Allison can appreciate the work Tommy used to do.

We sent Tommy to a skating lesson and this time it was Allison’s job to cheer Tommy on and support him.

The love lessons were great, when I asked if they were still thinking about marriage in the future, Tommy did something I wasn’t expecting.

Yes! Chalk one more up for the Matchmaker this week, that’s what I live for and now I have another wedding to dance at. Love it!

 

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