Cast Blog: #MATCHMAKER

Is There A Man That Can Keep Up With Me?

Making a Match: Patti Melts and Bravo Reunions

Making a Match: Speidi, Bad Guys & Playboy

Making a Match: The Real Perez and Sexy Sonja

Making a Match: Making Jill (and Ally) Happy

Making a Match: Crashing Chilli's Date!

Making a Match: Larry Birkhead & Melyssa Ford

Patti Turns NeNe's Bridesmaids to Brides

A Waste of a Good Mirror

Getting a Nice Guy for Rachel Uchitel

Breaking 'Matchmaker' History

Two Millionaires That Shouldn't Be Single

The Critical Dick Goes Home Alone

A Dorky Doc and a Hopeless Romantic

Carson Kressley, the Millionaire Whisperer

Patti's Vlog: Everyone Gets a Valentine!

Patti's Vlog: Patti's the Love Doctor

Patti's Vlog: Stefan Richter Tried to Date Patti!

A Bashful Beauty and a Not-So-Golden Oldie

A Shallow Old Dog and a Sweet River Rat

What Rosie Wants and a Gay Hugh Hefner

Great Expectations and the Running Man

Courtney Kerr and a Swedish Peacock

Sarcastic Cheban and a 'Man-diego' Bachelor

Sweetheart Swayze and a Virtual Phantom

Patti's Biggest, Most Tempting Mixer Yet

A Red-Hot Night for the Millionaires

Time for Some Spice: The Ginger Mixer!

Gaynor Gets the Girl (So Does Allison!)

Adam Gaynor Wins, Allison Baver Skates By

Patti Says Leave Boss at the Business

Chef K Wins One for the Lesbian Team

Mitch Berger, NFL Peter Pan, Grows Up

Johnny Out Sweets Yigit

Sweet Yigit Gets No Sugar on His Date

Just Robin Being Robin

Bye-Bye Bradley, Hello Kitty

Robin Kassner Gets Serious

The Rules According to Aimee

Matt "The Candy Man" Riviera

Time for Patti to Give Me a Raise

Is There A Man That Can Keep Up With Me?

Episode 6: Bravotv.com's Associate Editor lets the world know she doesn't date before 7 am or after a strip show.

Now that Patti is feeling balanced (thanks to Mary Miller's apparently-Lisa Frank designed booster support pack), let's launch into this week's episode, which features a pair of insane millionaires – a controlling plastic surgeon and a wild child dance instructor. Will they find love together? Or at all? Let’s see.

Do: Make your bed – just let the person out of it first
Oh Frank. You are a tough nut to crack. I'm glad you’re an early riser, but jeez louise. 5 am Bed made? Anti In-N-Out burger? Haven't you heard of morning sex? Relax, also never ever sign off like Seacrest. Even Ryan Seacrest can barely pull that off.

Yeah, Patti's going to have a lot of notes for this guy.

Do: Put the penis away, ladies. Behind dark colors.
I had strong feelings for Emma right for the get go. What can I say, an accent and a stripper pole are usually all it takes to pique my curiosity. So by the time she rattled through her marriage history (Vegas, died in a fire, and the contractor that fixed the fire) and got to the meat of the matter ("Is there a man that can keep up with me? I don't know."), I was dying to hear what Patti had to say (besides, “Dear God, woman fix your hair").

It seems the problem isn't her untamed tresses, or her silky pink tops (though, yes, Patti will fix those), it's her aggression. It's girl time! And Patti's here to shaman you into femininity -– with Ann Taylor clothes.

As the glittery extensions fell away and Emma became the realtor of her nightmares, it was clear she wasn't ready to put the penis or the stripper clothes away. In the history of makeover montages, I've never seen the makee(?) so disinterested. For every new outfit there was a swift British "Neither." I think we're aware of how this is going to turn out. Don't: Have a DUI or wear a trenchcoat –- and by G-d take notes
After Patti calls in a second opinion to tell Frank he's cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs it's time for the two-way mirror meet and greet. This is a device I can really get behind. It's like Patti's on Law and Order. If only I could be the Christopher Meloni to her Mariska Hargitay we could solve all the world’s love crimes together.

And perhaps it was the detective-like two way mirror that led Emma to wear a trenchcoat. It is the perfect outfit for intrigue, but as a topper for a taffeta cupcake of a dress that was not Patti-approved, it was a terrible start. (Note: even Frank shook his head in disapproval). But still fun times with the mirror. Frank took notes. Emma made lots of jokes about motor boating and pot smoking. These people failed on all accounts.

At least that girls off the sauce. In the end Patti set Frank up with Natalie, and Emma with Kelly -- promising.

Don’t: Start a date before 7 AM, especially if it includes mixed martial arts
My thoughts about Frank's date can best be summarized in one word: No.

No wonder after Natalie was forced to box for his entertainment, dinner was awkward. She was exhausted! And at one point he complimented her on "taking direction very well." That's no way to fight your stereotype of being controlling friend. All in all, not exactly the ideal date for me, or anyone with their own personality.

Don't: Start a date with a strip show
Ladies and gentleman I present to you, the latest in Matchmaker's long line of cringe inducing moments. Emma gently surprises her date Kelly, with this:

And then the couple had a nice quiet sushi meal and ran away together. Just kidding! Kelly said he'd probably never see her again, and Emma decided she'd leave the club and just go get married to herself.

Not a great week for Patti (she ended by wondering if Frank was going to be "in the nursing home, alone jacking off"). But guess what? She gets to try again on Sunday. That's right, Sunday at 10/9 C Patti will be back and then be with Andy for a whole hour of Watch What Happens Live Clubhouse antics. You aren't even ready.

Making a Match: Making Jill (and Ally) Happy

Patti finds the perfect match to suit both Ally and Jill's needs and tries to take the pink away from her Prince.

Season 8 of The Millionaire Matchmaker is one of the most dramatic ever. This time around, Patti Stanger is helping plenty of unlikely clients find love, from Larry Birkhead and Perez Hilton to RHONY's own Sonja Morgan.

Each week, we're asking Patti to weigh in on every episode in her exclusive vlog. She'll tackle the good (crashing and saving Chilli's date), the bad (pink speedos)—and the hilarious (again, pink speedos). This week, she talks about setting up Jill Zarin's daughter Ally, matching a real Prince, and more. Check out the latest episode vlog below and watch past episodes here.

Read the full transcription below:

I summer with my good friend Jill Zarin every year. She spent four seasons on The Real Housewives of New York and just asked me to set up her daughter Ally. Ally is like my niece, so how could I say no? Now she's out of school, starting working and living her own life, which is important because until now she's been in the shadow of her mom, overprotective. It's now time for Ally to cut the cord and just be Ally. Ally's 22, cute, sweet and intelligent. I told her I could set her up, but it has to be the guy she wants and not what Jill wants.

My other client this week is a German prince, an adopted prince, and his stepmother happens to be Zsa Zsa Gabor. Oo la la! The first thing I notice is he leads with his princely ways. He's got a sash and medals, not to mention pink pants. That's gotta go. I start with some rules: don't tell the girls he's a prince, don't wear anything pink -- definitely straight -- that's not rugged. Instead of being the Prince I told him to be, "Yo, Max, from New Jersey!" Surely I can make him a man. Will it work? We'll see.

Because Ally can use a little confidence, I set up a meeting with Kristin Cavalarri. She's the perfect big sister that Ally can relate to. She's around the same age, grew up on reality TV and can advise her.


So it's recruiting time and I'm shakin' it up! After Candace and David have chosen appropriate daters, they get dressed to the nines and we have a party while Ally is upstairs watching. Jill and I go around the groups of guys and vet the daters. In the end, Ally chose James, a good choice. And he's Jewish -- that'll make Jill happy.

I told her I could set her up, but it has to be the guy she wants and not what Jill wants.


Now it's time to find a curvy blonde princess for the prince. I go around to all the groups of girls and make selections. I end up with four hottie patotties. The prince meets with all four girls and gets to know them. But ultimately Emily was the girl to teach the prince some masculine moves!

For their date, James and Ally met at the Wildlife Learning Center -- they get to know each other, check out some of the animals. Afterwards they have some stiff drinks as the bar.

Meanwhile the prince makes a grand entrance on the beach for his date. He comes out of the water  in a pink speedo. He did bring champagne, though. Emily showed him some yoga moves. Then they had a lovely conversation on a yacht. He told her his secret. She barely batted an eye. But she was up for the swim. When the prince moved in for a kiss, he was rejected. Maybe it was the pink speedo, or the flabby belly, maybe next time, no prince.

Both my couples learned a lot. But I will be following up with Ally. I really want her to end up with a great guy.

 

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