Cast Blog: #MATCHMAKER

I’ve Been McCarthied

Making a Match: Patti Melts and Bravo Reunions

Making a Match: Speidi, Bad Guys & Playboy

Making a Match: The Real Perez and Sexy Sonja

Making a Match: Making Jill (and Ally) Happy

Making a Match: Crashing Chilli's Date!

Making a Match: Larry Birkhead & Melyssa Ford

Patti Turns NeNe's Bridesmaids to Brides

A Waste of a Good Mirror

Getting a Nice Guy for Rachel Uchitel

Breaking 'Matchmaker' History

Two Millionaires That Shouldn't Be Single

The Critical Dick Goes Home Alone

A Dorky Doc and a Hopeless Romantic

Carson Kressley, the Millionaire Whisperer

Patti's Vlog: Everyone Gets a Valentine!

Patti's Vlog: Patti's the Love Doctor

Patti's Vlog: Stefan Richter Tried to Date Patti!

A Bashful Beauty and a Not-So-Golden Oldie

A Shallow Old Dog and a Sweet River Rat

What Rosie Wants and a Gay Hugh Hefner

Great Expectations and the Running Man

Courtney Kerr and a Swedish Peacock

Sarcastic Cheban and a 'Man-diego' Bachelor

Sweetheart Swayze and a Virtual Phantom

Patti's Biggest, Most Tempting Mixer Yet

A Red-Hot Night for the Millionaires

Time for Some Spice: The Ginger Mixer!

Gaynor Gets the Girl (So Does Allison!)

Adam Gaynor Wins, Allison Baver Skates By

Patti Says Leave Boss at the Business

Chef K Wins One for the Lesbian Team

Mitch Berger, NFL Peter Pan, Grows Up

Johnny Out Sweets Yigit

Sweet Yigit Gets No Sugar on His Date

Just Robin Being Robin

Bye-Bye Bradley, Hello Kitty

Robin Kassner Gets Serious

The Rules According to Aimee

Matt "The Candy Man" Riviera

Time for Patti to Give Me a Raise

I’ve Been McCarthied

Destin apologies for his illness and wishes he got to practice flirting with Jenny McCarthy.

First of all, when I get sick –- not only do I look expressionless and pale and sound stuffy, but my voice goes up a few octaves. It's embarrassing. I was sick then, I'm sick now. Sucks. And our millionaires didn't help me feel any better.

As Patti stated, we have the Jersey Gentleman and the Brentwood Bastard. The "Gentleman" is Rachel's client Richie Cunningham, er. . .Harry Potter, rather Thelma from Scooby-Doo, no, no I mean Archie -- dammit BILL! Yes, Bill. . .that's his name. Bill owns some internet pay service and is a nerd. Sweet guy, probably got beat up a lot. The "Bastard" is my guy, Skylar. Skylar is a young, good looking, Brentwood brat that has a silver spoon shoved up his. . .well, you know. He does nightclub promoting or DJing or attending or something like that. His problem? Too young, too fun, and wants to feel what its like on the adult side of things. Baller!

Bill's sweetness oozes when he says he's attracted to Tina Fey (aww my kind of guy!) but not her looks, just her personality (points lost). . .and he wants it wrapped up in the package of Anne Hathaway (who doesn't). Skylar's "I've played the field, lived the life" comment sounds even more like a bad movie when he follows it up with "I'm attracted to Britney Spears before she went crazy." (Son, she was always crazy)

Bill gets sent to the Jenny Mcarthy School for Picking Up Girls; where he has fun and gets slightly fondled by Jenny. I have to admit, I was severely jealous -- having always had a secret crush on her -- but then equally destroyed to find out I never would have had the chance based on her comment "If they're not overweight, there's hope." Sigh. I'm not a big guy, but I ain't tiny either. Damn you camera for adding 10. . .or 20 pounds. 25? Sigh again. Thank God I'm working out.

After Bill's roleplay session and watching Patti and Jenny do their best Night at the Roxbury impression, he joins Skylar at the MC Pool Party Mixer. Having been, as I put it, Mcarthied, he spits his best game to the bikini-clad girly girls at the mixer. Skylar on the other hand, just kind of leers at boobies and camel toe. After a quick intervention though, the real Skylar pops out from out of nowhere and turns out -- he's actually a rather intelligent guy with depth and humor! Who knew? Douche comment I made earlier. . .rescinded.

Bill picks Tracey as his master date (he should have stuck with his alternate choice, Erin). They go on a pier date and play skeeball and carnival games. He pretends he has muscles and does the strongman test. Then takes her up in a Ferris Wheel -- where he ASKS to kiss her!!! And, when she agrees, he just gives her a peck! Where's the tongue?! Didn't Mistress Jenny teach you anything?!?

Skylar choo choo choses Jenn over larger-butted Kristin, sorry, hot-ass Kristin and takes her out to do hot yoga. Nothing says first impression like body odor. Afterwards, though, he takes her out to a nice dinner, and they have some chemistry.

In the end, Bill comes back to the office having learned that Tracey just thinks he's swell. . .as a friend. . .and that he needs more Mcarthy training. He also needs some kissing training (to learn the mystical "kiss that kills"), which Patti happily offers up Rachel for. Cue Destin's "look that kills."

We also learn Skylar was texting Jenn asking her out on a second date. That's a no-no and he gets a slap on the wrist from Patti. So he fixes his mistake by calling her and asking her properly. She agrees. Good MIT (millionaire in training)! You're learning Skylar! Proud of you.

Oh, and did I mention Rachel looked cute in her sailor dress at the pool mixer? I'm a lucky guy. Now, I'm going back to bed. Cough cough.

D

Making a Match: The Real Perez and Sexy Sonja

Patti strips Mario Lavandeira of his Perez Hilton persona and takes Sonja Morgan's love life into her own hands with a secret weapon.

Season 8 of The Millionaire Matchmaker is one of the most dramatic ever. This time around, Patti Stanger is helping plenty of unlikely clients find love, from Larry Birkhead and 'Chili' Thomas to Stephanie Pratt.

Each week, we're asking Patti to weigh in on every episode in her exclusive vlog. She'll tackle the good (crashing Chilli's date), the bad (Sonja's fast-burning match Thomas)—and the hilarious (kicking Jill Zarin out!). This week, she talks about setting up RHONY's own Sonja Morgan, Perez Hilton, and more. Check out the latest episode vlog below and watch past episodes here.

 So this week I’m setting up Perez Hilton. I met Sonja Morgan and she’s from The Real Housewives of New York City. She’s got a high profile divorce from American royalty, aka J.P. Morgan. So Sonja wants a down to earth, really strong guy with money who can travel at a moment’s notice to New York. And Perez wants the ultimate husband. So this is a big deal. And because his reputation is so bad, I gotta find guys who will date him.

 We get down to Sonja’s guys and there’s Thomas and Kent, which end up being the last two guys that I really like. Thomas is super sexy and hot, a little overt, too much wanting to get into her pants. And then there’s Kent who’s so steady, he’s got four kids, he’s really rich, and more importantly, he’s kind of a slow burn -- whereas Thomas is a fast burn. 

 Now, we grab David and we go through the guys for Perez. It’s a blind date. So Perez and his date meet for the first time. I knew this was going to happen, everybody in the gay community, it’s such a small town, and everyong knows eachother. I was like aw, sh--. But, the good thing about it, Perez had a I really good time. I think that after Greg accepted Perez and didn’t make him feel bad about his past, and Perez realized that Greg was a really nice guy, they became friends. It wasn’t a love match, but his confidence soared. I think this was a real learning lesson.

Perez wants the ultimate husband. So this is a big deal. And because his reputation is so bad, I gotta find guys who will date him.

 Sonja chooses Thomas at the mixer and I was kinda bummed because I knew that Thomas was all sex and all talk no action. I had something else up my sleeve. Just to protect myself. So the secret weapon I had was Rocco Dispirito. Rocco Dispirito is a good friend of mine. He just had a new cookbook out and I thought, ‘What a great way to get to know someone if you cook with them!’ So me and Rocco were on a date, and Sonja and Thomas were on a date. And before I knew it, they were flirting and touching and kissing, and I was like, ‘Oh sh--, oh sh--.’ I decided to pull a switch.

 So I pull Kent in and Sonja’s in shock because she didn’t know she was getting two dates and not just one. And of course, Sonja being the flirt and Sagittarius that she is, she just rose to the occasion. Before long, they’re on a date and Thomas is out. It was romance dujour!