Cast Blog: #MATCHMAKER

Lions, Tigers, and Gays, Oh My

Making a Match: Crashing Chilli's Date!

Making a Match: Larry Birkhead & Melyssa Ford

Patti Turns NeNe's Bridesmaids to Brides

A Waste of a Good Mirror

Getting a Nice Guy for Rachel Uchitel

Breaking 'Matchmaker' History

Two Millionaires That Shouldn't Be Single

The Critical Dick Goes Home Alone

A Dorky Doc and a Hopeless Romantic

Carson Kressley, the Millionaire Whisperer

Patti's Vlog: Everyone Gets a Valentine!

Patti's Vlog: Patti's the Love Doctor

Patti's Vlog: Stefan Richter Tried to Date Patti!

A Bashful Beauty and a Not-So-Golden Oldie

A Shallow Old Dog and a Sweet River Rat

What Rosie Wants and a Gay Hugh Hefner

Great Expectations and the Running Man

Courtney Kerr and a Swedish Peacock

Sarcastic Cheban and a 'Man-diego' Bachelor

Sweetheart Swayze and a Virtual Phantom

Patti's Biggest, Most Tempting Mixer Yet

A Red-Hot Night for the Millionaires

Time for Some Spice: The Ginger Mixer!

Gaynor Gets the Girl (So Does Allison!)

Adam Gaynor Wins, Allison Baver Skates By

Patti Says Leave Boss at the Business

Chef K Wins One for the Lesbian Team

Mitch Berger, NFL Peter Pan, Grows Up

Johnny Out Sweets Yigit

Sweet Yigit Gets No Sugar on His Date

Just Robin Being Robin

Bye-Bye Bradley, Hello Kitty

Robin Kassner Gets Serious

The Rules According to Aimee

Matt "The Candy Man" Riviera

Time for Patti to Give Me a Raise

Skeet Shooting is a Bad Date Idea

Let the Man Be the Man on a Date

Irv's Nerve

Patti's Favorite Episode

Lions, Tigers, and Gays, Oh My

Episode 5: Bravotv.com's Associate Editor ponders Madison's spirit animal and the proper outfit for paddle-boarding.

This week it was all about the gays on Matchmaker. It was the first ever all gay mixer. People were picking up strays, taking off shirts, and attempting to explain their glitter tattoos left and right. And Madison from Million Dollar Listing is there!

Don’t: Be fooled by pink cars
Eric's gay, Patti -- its not going to work. Though I would enter into a sexless partnership to live in that house and drive that pepto-colored car with him. I thought you had to be a Mary Kay lady to get wheels like that.

Don't: Be a lazy lion
Even someone as ridiculously handsome as Madison, needs to work the angles. I'm not sure why lions are the laziest. Did Patti see The Lion King? Those lions were all very ambitious and organized, or wait, I guess Nala did have to do some of the work to get Simba to commit. Personally when I think lazy I imagine pandas, but I Madison's hair does make it appropriate. Either way he can't just be sitting around on Malibu beaches waiting for the wildebeasts to come ot him or something like that. I'll let Patti explain.

Do: Clear your need for strays with mostly melted candles
Having a hard time moving past shallow people because you don't want to commit? Call in a therapist with some great vibey candles to give you the straight talk. She's no Pat Allen, but this week Dr. Nikki's got some gems of advice among some gilded tchotchkes.

Don't: Be a ginger
Patti’s said it once, and she'll say it again. She doesn't love a ginger. A red/blonde mix still has red in it. Dye it. Also cut your hair. Patti's really not pulling any punches with people's follicles this season, or with people's butter-faces.

Do: Woo people with tales about your dog's face
Unlike the underwear model with a butter face, some of the men in this club know how to pick someone with a good face -- like Chris. Not only did Chris pick up on Eric's adorable face, he can also really get to heart of a dog just by looking at his face. I'm not sure if this was the move away from superficial that Dr. Nikki wanted, but this is exactly how Chris picked his dog.

"I picked the dog based on the face and how she turned her head and she just connected with me right away."

We should probably just do the same thing with people, right? That's why Eric and Chris ended up working out so well.

Do: Wear sunscreen
OK, OK, so maybe this isn't a dating tip, so much as it's a general life piece of advice, but wear sunscreen. Plus then, like Madison and Charlie, you can rub your date down with it. And that worked out for those two so well. Their date was adorable. Charlie's hair was still working it's Patti (and me!) approved look. They had all sorts of things in common. Charlie did an amazing little dance.

Chris and Eric didn't have to wear sunscreen because they had on ten-gallon hats, which also worked out for them. Keep it protected people. That's the secret to a hot date -- non-sundamaged skin.

Next week things get a little wack-a-doo at the club. Grease that poll and stay ready!

Patti Turns NeNe's Bridesmaids to Brides

Patti thinks it won’t be long before these two are following their friend Nene Leakes’ lead down the aisle.

Read Patti's full transcript after the jump!

OK, greatest week ever. We have my friend NeNe Leakes out here from Atlanta and she brought me the gift that keeps on giving, great women who are looking to be set up! So I’m doing NeNe a favor this week and we’re throwing her two eligible bridesmaids a mixer to top all mixers. These girls are gonna get hooked up, and if they play their cards right, they might end up with a handsome man on their arm.

So let’s get this started. NeNe introduces me to Dawn Robinson and Diana Gowins. Diana is the mothering type. Not just a little bit, she could out-mother Mother Teresa. I get where she’s coming from, she’s an ex-nurse, she’s got three kids, she’s a nurturer. But she’s got a problem: she over-nurtures and that gives the guys the wrong signal, especially when they start dating. A man doesn’t want his date to be a mother until they have some children together. Until then, she’s his hot wife and Diana’s got to lead with the sexy and bring the mothering to the table later. That one’s easy.

Dawn is a little tougher. She’s tall, gorgeous, but also really intellectually smart, and she knows it. She’s got a high finance job, and she doesn’t need a man telling her anything. Well, there’s the problem because a man needs to at least feel like he’s worth something. So Dawn doesn’t need to play dumb, but she also doesn’t need to intimidate the guy or drive over the guy like a competitive tank commander. Alpha women are tough to change, but I can sometimes get them to put away the alpha from time to time to lure a man in. And if Dawn listens to me and tries not to compete with the guy right out of the gate, she’ll be happy she did because the guys will come to her like bees to honey.

So NeNe and I have our work cut out for us this week and we set up a recruiting so NeNe could help me pick out fine gentlemen for her friends. It was a really good idea. She knows what they like, but she’s also honest and knows what they tend to do, and what men aren’t right for them.

NeNe helped us pick the right men, and I think it was worth it because we had a great mixer. The mixer was a classy affair at The Mark and everybody had a great time. The men were respectful but they also were having fun. NeNe and I kept an eye on things, making sure Diana didn’t try to mother anybody out of the door and that Dawn kept her man eating claws inside.  Both girls did great, and by the end each had chosen a great guy, Dawn had Isaac eating out of the palm of her hand and Diana had Dante right where she wanted him staring right back at her.

And because these two are best friends, we decided to let them have a little back up. They all went out together on a double date. The guys were told to plan the date, and Isaac and Dante did great. They got Louis Van Amstel from Dancing With The Stars to give them salsa dancing lessons and then they also had a romantic rooftop winter wonderland dinner where they actually made it snow. Which in L.A. is kind of amazing.

At the end of the week, I think both girls had a really great time. Time will tell, but I think it won’t be long before these two are following their friend Nene’s lead and dancing down their own aisles. And they’ll just have me and NeNe to thank. Well, you’re welcome girls. 

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