A Good Sport
Patti explains why she loved Marcellus, but why she wasn't so keen on Michael.
Full transcript after the jump
This week is really exciting. I've got the famous, NFL ex-player who's Mr. ESPN on the radio, Marcellus Wiley. I am thrilled. But I also have another douchebag this week, a Jewish douchebag, not good for the Jews. His name -- Michael Leslie Bernback. He invented some review that was a rip off of Chippendale's. He made his money that way. Now he's trying to be a fledgling songwriter. Not so cool with what he does. And he comes on to me with the charm -- "You look beautiful. You look skinny. How 'bout you going out with me?" Not a chance. He's this tall. He's obnoxious. And his bullshit is about this big. I'm not going out with him.
But Marcellus, I love. I go down to Mr. ESPN's office. I see him on the radio, working the street with the boys. He's shooting the breeze. And then he takes me into another room, a conference room, and we have a little chit chat. I find out, you know what, this guy has a child, he built a beautiful home in Manhattan Beach, it's time he had a wife. So I'm real excited to fix him up. And I think he's going to be a breeze.
And then I go to Michael, and Michael wants to have a baby breeder. Now when someone comes to me at 58 years old needing a baby breeder -- there's no way. You're going to get 38 and up -- 38 and up that's my bar. Take it or leave it. He agrees to it, but you can tell he's pissed off.
So then I start doing all the recruiting. But now I have to worry about these older looking women who are in shape but still want babies. Not an easy feat. But I finally get enough women to fit the criteria for the mixer, so I'm really excited. And I'm really thrilled that Michael's opening his mind up. He's really going to try this time. I try to get him to think about adoption and surrogacy. It doesn't always have to be from the same womb that he picks to go to marry.
And then the mixer happens and Marcellus holds court. Marcellus didn't want this mixer to end. If anybody wanted a mixer to go on more than it did, it was Marcellus. Basically, every woman he liked. "Can I take this one? Can I take that one?" I'm like, "No you only get two. You only get two." One was Beyoncé and the other was my favorite girl Maria. But Beyoncé won out, and Monique won the day. She was so excited you could have died.
Michael picked his date. Marcellus picked his date. Now we have to see how they'll handle themselves on the date.