A Hot Train Wreck

Patti explains why both dates this week were ultimately success stories, as she sheds light on Daniel's dating situation.

Full transcript after the jump

Now I have two really unusual clients that couldn't be more diverse than before. First is a prince. Prince Max. He is the ultimate German prince that's moved to Denmark and has become European-ized. He lives in New York. He owns a tele-shopping company like on HSN. He needs an entrepreneurial girl with a casual attitude, can still hang with the royals, as well as look like a supermodel. OK, sure I can do that.

Then there's Daniel. Daniel is the ultimate nerd. I don't think he's ever been out of the house. He won the lottery yesterday by winning a million dollars at his company Groupon. Literally has never spent a dollar. Never been in a bar. I don't even think he got laid. I think he had one girlfriend his whole life, and he's 27 years old. So I'm like, "Jesus Christ. What am I going to do with him? He looks like the ultimate nerd next to Prince Max." So I take him to Penguin and I have a makeover done. Fabulous clothes. JT Hat. Funky tie. I made it for the mixer. And then I gotta do something with his hair. It's disgusting. And there's like peach fuzz all over his face. I take him over to my barber shop, which is Bolt, and I had my favorite barber do this whole thing, Mohawk Mac on him to clean him up and make him sexified. Oh my god, by the end of the day when he walked into that mixer I was floored. I didn't even recognize him.

So it's mixer and it's a full-on mixer. And both guys are in it to win it. Max is like I need the most sexy European girl. And in walks Clark. Clark is gorgeous. She's what I want at every mixer. She is almost 6 feet tall. She's a supermodel. She's busy all the time. She's booked. She's entrepreneurial. She speaks other languages. It's a win, win, win. They fall madly in love. There was no contest. I don't have to worry about him. He was done in five seconds. He sold it. He's going to take her to The Royal Wedding.

Now I gotta worry about Daniel. Daniel is a hot train wreck. He wants a party girl. Granted there are nice party girls who are intellectual and fun. There's Holly and there's Tori, but no. He has to pick Bogner, torn-up Sheerena. Where'd she get the name like that I don't know. And I'm thinking to myself, "Don't pick Lindsay Lohan. Don't pick Lindsay Lohan. Don't pick. . ." And he picks her. And I'm like, "Oh my god, what am I going to do?" Because I'm just a matchmaker I can't decide what you take. So he makes a date to go downtown to a gallery walk and have a nice little dinner. And she's so aggressive, asking him questions like, "You know, when's the last time you got laid? How many lovers do you have?" It's so inappropriate. But does he shut it down, which I told him to do. No, no, no to ex talk. No. 

So they end up having a terrible evening. She feels really uncomfortable because now he's talking about his ex, and she's put on her therapist hat and the sex neutralizes, even though she's attracted to him. And there's nowhere to go.

THe comes into the office the next day to explain what happened -- in his red hoodie. He kind of regressed back to Santa Claus land and Mr. Rodgers. And I'm like, wait, what happened to the clothes I bought you. "They're dirty." "So go buy more," I say, you're a millionaire. And he realizes he made a huge mistake.

There's just one thing that saves the day. Called his Ex. Found out information about why they broke up. And now he's thinking about getting back together with the ex. So technically I did make two matches.

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Making a Match: Brooklyn Chooses Sizzle vs. Substance

Patti dishes on what it was like working with Thicker Than Water Brooklyn Tankard and getting a New York player to start take matchmaking seriously.

Season 8 of The Millionaire Matchmaker is one of the most dramatic ever. This time around, Patti Stanger is helping plenty of unlikely clients find love, from RHOA’s Kenya Moore and Sheree Whitfield to rap royalty Romeo Miller.

Each week, we're asking Patti to weigh in on every episode in her exclusive vlog. She'll tackle the good (Brooklyn on French kissing), the bad (Amit’s beard)—and the hilarious (Patti’s New York accent!).

This week, she talks about setting up Thicker Than Water's Brooklyn Tankard and teaching this Long Island divorcee to stop looking for love at the clubs. Check out the latest episode vlog below and watch past episodes here.

Brooklyn Tankard the star of Thicker Than Water is up this week. Brooklyn is pretty funny and exciting, she’s a little bit off though. She’s basically a single mom with a daughter and you know she doesn’t get to meet quality men, she really hasn’t found her equal.

My other client this week is liquor entrepreneur Amit Ram, he’s from Long Island. He’s got this awful f---ing beard on his face. Girls in the clubs like his beard, yeah, yeah in 1959 they do, not in 2015.

For those two we chose to do a Hot Seat Mixer. That means Brooklyn and Amit interview potential dates and if they don’t like someone they can kick them out of the hot seat, but if they like them, they get to stay. So it’s kind of like musical chairs.

Brooklyn goes through a bunch of guys and some of them are really awesome. I personally love Jason, he’s tall, he’s older, he’s been divorced, he has kids, he’s a very solid guy. But Brooklyn’s got her eye on Michael who's a bit younger, really hot, super sexy, has sort of a football player look -- and she can’t take her eyes off of him. Instead of going for the substance she’s going for the sizzle.

Meanwhile, Amit chose a great little petite girl named Daniella, she’s also a gym rat like him, they have a lot in common. He’s taken her on an interesting date, free-running training, you know when run and when you jump and you climb, it’s kind of extreme dating. They’re both pretty bad at it, but they love working out so they have a really great time. Then he takes her to a nice dinner at a classy place, Miceli’s.

I just hope Brooklyn took some of my lessons with her back to Nashville, because she needs a lot of work.

Patti Stanger

Brooklyn had a really nice date with Michael, they went peddle boating. But Michael didn’t ask much about Brooklyn, and this didn’t really work out for her because she likes to be the center of attention. So I don’t think that she chose well. I think it should’ve been Jason, which is the one I wanted her to go out with all along. I just hope she took some of my lessons with her back to Nashville because she needs a lot of work. I bet she'll be back again next time.      

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