Cast Blog: #MATCHMAKER

Hot and Handsome

Making a Match: Crashing Chilli's Date!

Making a Match: Larry Birkhead & Melyssa Ford

Patti Turns NeNe's Bridesmaids to Brides

A Waste of a Good Mirror

Getting a Nice Guy for Rachel Uchitel

Breaking 'Matchmaker' History

Two Millionaires That Shouldn't Be Single

The Critical Dick Goes Home Alone

A Dorky Doc and a Hopeless Romantic

Carson Kressley, the Millionaire Whisperer

Patti's Vlog: Everyone Gets a Valentine!

Patti's Vlog: Patti's the Love Doctor

Patti's Vlog: Stefan Richter Tried to Date Patti!

A Bashful Beauty and a Not-So-Golden Oldie

A Shallow Old Dog and a Sweet River Rat

What Rosie Wants and a Gay Hugh Hefner

Great Expectations and the Running Man

Courtney Kerr and a Swedish Peacock

Sarcastic Cheban and a 'Man-diego' Bachelor

Sweetheart Swayze and a Virtual Phantom

Patti's Biggest, Most Tempting Mixer Yet

A Red-Hot Night for the Millionaires

Time for Some Spice: The Ginger Mixer!

Gaynor Gets the Girl (So Does Allison!)

Adam Gaynor Wins, Allison Baver Skates By

Patti Says Leave Boss at the Business

Chef K Wins One for the Lesbian Team

Mitch Berger, NFL Peter Pan, Grows Up

Johnny Out Sweets Yigit

Sweet Yigit Gets No Sugar on His Date

Just Robin Being Robin

Bye-Bye Bradley, Hello Kitty

Robin Kassner Gets Serious

The Rules According to Aimee

Matt "The Candy Man" Riviera

Time for Patti to Give Me a Raise

Skeet Shooting is a Bad Date Idea

Let the Man Be the Man on a Date

Irv's Nerve

Patti's Favorite Episode

Hot and Handsome

Patti discusses her first bachelors back in Los Angeles and how things flowed from the get-go.

Full transcript after the jump.


So it's my first week back in LA and I’ve got two great guys. First I've got Gary. He followed me home form NY, from Long Island. And then I've got Michael by way of Dubai. Hot and handsome, both these guys are.

Michael is the tester. Always the tester. The girl, he doesn't know if she does something that he likes or doesn't like. He's got to test, test, test. The last girl he had was a little bit of an exhibitionist. He doesn't want a girl that takes off her clothes. Then you've got Gary. I don't know who Gary is. Gary 1 is on the DVD. Gary 2 is at the mixer. Gary 3 is on the date. I don't know who Gary is. Gary's schizophrenic. He’s Cybill. So I'm going to see which Gary comes out.

Now it’s the mixer. We’re at the mixer. The girls are flowing. LA's got the hottest girls in the universe. And Michael picks Tammy. She was the perfect fit from the moment she walked on the carpet to meet me. I was like this is the one. He picked the right one. Then Gary picked Bonnie. And Bonnie was totally perfect from him, you know. He was sexually attracted to her from day one. That's all it was for him. The penis does the picking.

OK date time. They both go on date time. They both have fabulous dates. But Michael's still testing. He made Tammy go out with a photographer. Shoot this little spread as though she was shooting the cover of a magazine. He had clothes waiting. Makeup waiting. It was a little creepy. Downtown in a warehouse. And then. . . she went with it, and she fell in love with him in the process.

Real Good Gary comes out on the date. He rents a boat. He takes her for food. It's champagne. Before the weekend is over he's seen her three times. They're madly in love.

And we're two for two for this week. We have two major matches. I'm back in LA. I'm back in my hometown. And everything is flowing.

Making a Match: Larry Birkhead & Melyssa Ford

Find out what Patti really thought about sexy Melyssa and shy guy Larry's dates.

This week I got to meet one of the sweetest guys in the world, Larry Birkhead: the boy from Kentucky. There’s just one problem: he hasn’t dated in like a decade. This guy needs practice. I mean, he’s drop dead gorgeous and he can’t do anything. I can send him out into the world and the world of a mixer and a date, but he could botch it. Candace and I will give him some mock dating experience and I will pick his date for him. The first time he’ll meet her will be when they go out for the first time. No chance for him to get nervous, and more importantly, no time for the girl to look him up and see who he is. He can stand on his own two feet and just be himself, not Anna Nicole’s ex.

He can stand on his own two feet and just be himself, not Anna Nicole’s ex.

My other client this week is drop dead gorgeous: Melyssa Ford. She’s the star of Blood Sweat and Heels, she used to be in a bunch of music videos, and she was nicknamed the "Video Vixen". I know it’s hard to turn off the beauty and the booty, so I bring her to doctor Pat Allen. Doctor Pat and I have worked together for years. Doctor Pat told Melyssa that she should be leading with her brain. Melyssa can be sexy no matter what: but can she look for the guy who’s interested in what she has to say, not what she looks like?

So I’m doing something new: I get Candace and David to bring a bunch of good appropriate men and women to the mixer. I just want a handful of guys for Melyssa, and a handful of girls for Larry. I introduce the best ones to Melyssa for her to choose from, and I’ll pick the best girl to set up Larry with on a blind date. Melyssa picks Jay. Jay listened to the conversation, and remembered Melyssa liked bowling and cigars. And he took her on a perfect, fun, get-to-know-you date. Meanwhile, Larry met up with his date at Universal Studios. He had a private tour set up, and he and Michelle met for the first time. They had a blast. She knew who he was, but they got past that and they got to know each other. And he took her for dinner and even got a kiss at the end.

So in the end, I’m so happy that both Larry and Melyssa got to learn something. Larry got to know he can be himself and there’s no need to be shy, and she knows (Melyssa) that there are guys out there who can look past her booty and see the great girl underneath.

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