Cast Blog: #MATCHMAKER

Mano y Mano

Making a Match: Crashing Chilli's Date!

Making a Match: Larry Birkhead & Melyssa Ford

Patti Turns NeNe's Bridesmaids to Brides

A Waste of a Good Mirror

Getting a Nice Guy for Rachel Uchitel

Breaking 'Matchmaker' History

Two Millionaires That Shouldn't Be Single

The Critical Dick Goes Home Alone

A Dorky Doc and a Hopeless Romantic

Carson Kressley, the Millionaire Whisperer

Patti's Vlog: Everyone Gets a Valentine!

Patti's Vlog: Patti's the Love Doctor

Patti's Vlog: Stefan Richter Tried to Date Patti!

A Bashful Beauty and a Not-So-Golden Oldie

A Shallow Old Dog and a Sweet River Rat

What Rosie Wants and a Gay Hugh Hefner

Great Expectations and the Running Man

Courtney Kerr and a Swedish Peacock

Sarcastic Cheban and a 'Man-diego' Bachelor

Sweetheart Swayze and a Virtual Phantom

Patti's Biggest, Most Tempting Mixer Yet

A Red-Hot Night for the Millionaires

Time for Some Spice: The Ginger Mixer!

Gaynor Gets the Girl (So Does Allison!)

Adam Gaynor Wins, Allison Baver Skates By

Patti Says Leave Boss at the Business

Chef K Wins One for the Lesbian Team

Mitch Berger, NFL Peter Pan, Grows Up

Johnny Out Sweets Yigit

Sweet Yigit Gets No Sugar on His Date

Just Robin Being Robin

Bye-Bye Bradley, Hello Kitty

Robin Kassner Gets Serious

The Rules According to Aimee

Matt "The Candy Man" Riviera

Time for Patti to Give Me a Raise

Skeet Shooting is a Bad Date Idea

Let the Man Be the Man on a Date

Irv's Nerve

Patti's Favorite Episode

Mano y Mano

Rachel discusses how they ended up with such bizarre clients this week and how she thinks Frank can solve his control issues.

Ladies and gents this week was one wild ride at the Millionaires Club. Destin and I decided we were gluttons for punishment and so we brought in Frank a millionaire plastic surgeon from Las Vegas who looked like Lou Ferrigno's-hair-plug-wearing–chalk-white-teeth-bearing cousin. Frank's problem: control freak to the max. I wonder if he doesn't get his way does he turn green too?

Next up we had a real floozy, I mean doozey, with Brit childhood actress Emma Ridley. Emma looked like the epitome of when bad girls go rotten. She was like a BBC poor man's version of Girls Gone Wild, the washed up edition. Talk about a case study, good grief. Emma's list of issues are as long as her straw hair extensions. Let's see, she was once big in the UK, enjoyed partying a bit too much, got knocked up and hitched at the ripe old age of 13, partied some more, got divorced, partied, got married, he lit the house on fire along with her weave, partied more, had more kids, partied, and now teaches pole dancing in the Valley. I think that about covers it. Boy isn't our job glamorous?

With Hulk Jr. and Pole Waxer, I mean, Dancer (boy I have to stop doing that), we decided to do the two-way mirror and let them pick their poison. Emma and Frank actually chose two great dater, but it would remain to be seen if they actually listened to us.

Frank decided it was a grand idea to wake his poor date up at the crack of dawn, because, you know, everyone is a morning person right? Keep dreaming Frank-n-Furter. Then he thought hey, girls love boxing and even better to step in the ring and box! Delusional, party of one? Yep good times, a 5 am wakeup call and then a boxing match where you and a female Ortiz go mano y mano.

Emma, decided to surprise her date with an all girl revue strip dance extravaganza, complete with fog and pole cam. It was like out of a bad 1980s hair band video. I really felt bad for her date. She went from sassy to classy to trashy all in the blink of an eyelet on her corset. Then at dinner things went from bad to worse.

It's really no wonder we were batting zero this week, when you try to tame the wild beast it just doesn't always work. Dr. Frankenstein, time to create a lady friend who you can control. I mean ya have the plastic for it! Emma, you just keep climbing those brass poles! I bid you adieu.

Making a Match: Larry Birkhead & Melyssa Ford

Find out what Patti really thought about sexy Melyssa and shy guy Larry's dates.

This week I got to meet one of the sweetest guys in the world, Larry Birkhead: the boy from Kentucky. There’s just one problem: he hasn’t dated in like a decade. This guy needs practice. I mean, he’s drop dead gorgeous and he can’t do anything. I can send him out into the world and the world of a mixer and a date, but he could botch it. Candace and I will give him some mock dating experience and I will pick his date for him. The first time he’ll meet her will be when they go out for the first time. No chance for him to get nervous, and more importantly, no time for the girl to look him up and see who he is. He can stand on his own two feet and just be himself, not Anna Nicole’s ex.

He can stand on his own two feet and just be himself, not Anna Nicole’s ex.

My other client this week is drop dead gorgeous: Melyssa Ford. She’s the star of Blood Sweat and Heels, she used to be in a bunch of music videos, and she was nicknamed the "Video Vixen". I know it’s hard to turn off the beauty and the booty, so I bring her to doctor Pat Allen. Doctor Pat and I have worked together for years. Doctor Pat told Melyssa that she should be leading with her brain. Melyssa can be sexy no matter what: but can she look for the guy who’s interested in what she has to say, not what she looks like?

So I’m doing something new: I get Candace and David to bring a bunch of good appropriate men and women to the mixer. I just want a handful of guys for Melyssa, and a handful of girls for Larry. I introduce the best ones to Melyssa for her to choose from, and I’ll pick the best girl to set up Larry with on a blind date. Melyssa picks Jay. Jay listened to the conversation, and remembered Melyssa liked bowling and cigars. And he took her on a perfect, fun, get-to-know-you date. Meanwhile, Larry met up with his date at Universal Studios. He had a private tour set up, and he and Michelle met for the first time. They had a blast. She knew who he was, but they got past that and they got to know each other. And he took her for dinner and even got a kiss at the end.

So in the end, I’m so happy that both Larry and Melyssa got to learn something. Larry got to know he can be himself and there’s no need to be shy, and she knows (Melyssa) that there are guys out there who can look past her booty and see the great girl underneath.

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