Me Want Woman

Making a Match: Patti Melts and Bravo Reunions

Making a Match: Speidi, Bad Guys & Playboy

Making a Match: The Real Perez and Sexy Sonja

Making a Match: Making Jill (and Ally) Happy

Making a Match: Crashing Chilli's Date!

Making a Match: Larry Birkhead & Melyssa Ford

Patti Turns NeNe's Bridesmaids to Brides

A Waste of a Good Mirror

Getting a Nice Guy for Rachel Uchitel

Breaking 'Matchmaker' History

Two Millionaires That Shouldn't Be Single

The Critical Dick Goes Home Alone

A Dorky Doc and a Hopeless Romantic

Carson Kressley, the Millionaire Whisperer

Patti's Vlog: Everyone Gets a Valentine!

Patti's Vlog: Patti's the Love Doctor

Patti's Vlog: Stefan Richter Tried to Date Patti!

A Bashful Beauty and a Not-So-Golden Oldie

A Shallow Old Dog and a Sweet River Rat

What Rosie Wants and a Gay Hugh Hefner

Great Expectations and the Running Man

Courtney Kerr and a Swedish Peacock

Sarcastic Cheban and a 'Man-diego' Bachelor

Sweetheart Swayze and a Virtual Phantom

Patti's Biggest, Most Tempting Mixer Yet

A Red-Hot Night for the Millionaires

Time for Some Spice: The Ginger Mixer!

Gaynor Gets the Girl (So Does Allison!)

Adam Gaynor Wins, Allison Baver Skates By

Patti Says Leave Boss at the Business

Chef K Wins One for the Lesbian Team

Mitch Berger, NFL Peter Pan, Grows Up

Johnny Out Sweets Yigit

Sweet Yigit Gets No Sugar on His Date

Just Robin Being Robin

Bye-Bye Bradley, Hello Kitty

Robin Kassner Gets Serious

The Rules According to Aimee

Matt "The Candy Man" Riviera

Time for Patti to Give Me a Raise

Me Want Woman

Rachel discusses Gary's caveman date and her thoughts about Mikey's "fantastico" photoshoot.

That's right LaLa-land, Team MC is back in the house taking the land of plastic, beauty, and moolah by storm. So we had our fun in NYC, but as the saying goes: home is where the heart is. At least home is where the not-so-schleppy are. We have a brand spanking new office and plenty of millionaires and non-millionaires in need of some serious help.

Destin and I were feeling a bit punchy this week and decided to bring back a bit of the Big Apple with Gary. He sure does remind me of a certain shot drinking, bro-loving, pain in the you know what back east! Moving right along, to cut to the chase he chose giggle-puss Bonnie because she was more do-able. Here we go again. They just never listen to us do they?

I love the complete unawareness of Gary in regards to Bonnie having a near panic attack on the helicopter. “She looked like she was enjoying herself.” I think the helicopter just flew over your head Gary. Round 2 is dinner on a yacht. OK now we're in good dating territory. Oh wait, did I speak too soon? Gary she's over here, focus. He can't even look at her when speaking? Lastly Gary does the king of all no-nos and asks to kiss her! So being the smart girl Bonnie is (we trained her well,) she schools Gary on moving in for the kiss. Gary does, but I have to tell you it felt like I was watching some sort of caveman date as he grabbed her by the back of her head and shoved his face in hers. "Ugh me want woman. Ugh me get woman. Ugh me kiss woman."

Next up to bat is Michael, tall, hunky, worldly -- CREEPY. I really thought Michael was going to be a gentleman, being that he is such a well traveled chap. I thought he was going to actually listen to us, being that he has such a wealth of knowledge and languages and artistic talents. I really thought. . .oh who am I kidding?

Michael picks Tammy of course, the golden goddess that was a no-brainer. He has her picked up in a nice car to whisk her off to. . .wait for it. . .AN AMAZING ALLEYWAY WITH A CREEPY WAREHOUSE. Ahem, sorry a "state of the art studio." OMG every girl's dream date right?!? At this point I would have said "check please." He leads her into the fancy pantsy studio to make her dress up in borrowed clothes and take photos with him behind the camera in front of some cheese ball sports car circa Back to the Future. Did you get all that? If that isn't creepy I don't know what is! To make this even creepier he poses her like she's some sort of puppet. Did I mention the use of "fantastico" every five seconds? So yet again we have another clueless fellow who thought she looked so natural and comfortable doing this. She looked about as natural as half the women in Hollywood. Next up they head to a nice dinner where I was surprised he wasn't taking photos of her eating for his Mr. Creepy collection. Believe it or not he went in for the kiss and the dinner was fantastico!

So much for a clean start right? Well it does feel good to be back home. Oh LA, how I have missed thee.