Cast Blog: #MATCHMAKER

Real Live Michelangelo Fingers

Making a Match: Crashing Chilli's Date!

Making a Match: Larry Birkhead & Melyssa Ford

Patti Turns NeNe's Bridesmaids to Brides

A Waste of a Good Mirror

Getting a Nice Guy for Rachel Uchitel

Breaking 'Matchmaker' History

Two Millionaires That Shouldn't Be Single

The Critical Dick Goes Home Alone

A Dorky Doc and a Hopeless Romantic

Carson Kressley, the Millionaire Whisperer

Patti's Vlog: Everyone Gets a Valentine!

Patti's Vlog: Patti's the Love Doctor

Patti's Vlog: Stefan Richter Tried to Date Patti!

A Bashful Beauty and a Not-So-Golden Oldie

A Shallow Old Dog and a Sweet River Rat

What Rosie Wants and a Gay Hugh Hefner

Great Expectations and the Running Man

Courtney Kerr and a Swedish Peacock

Sarcastic Cheban and a 'Man-diego' Bachelor

Sweetheart Swayze and a Virtual Phantom

Patti's Biggest, Most Tempting Mixer Yet

A Red-Hot Night for the Millionaires

Time for Some Spice: The Ginger Mixer!

Gaynor Gets the Girl (So Does Allison!)

Adam Gaynor Wins, Allison Baver Skates By

Patti Says Leave Boss at the Business

Chef K Wins One for the Lesbian Team

Mitch Berger, NFL Peter Pan, Grows Up

Johnny Out Sweets Yigit

Sweet Yigit Gets No Sugar on His Date

Just Robin Being Robin

Bye-Bye Bradley, Hello Kitty

Robin Kassner Gets Serious

The Rules According to Aimee

Matt "The Candy Man" Riviera

Time for Patti to Give Me a Raise

Skeet Shooting is a Bad Date Idea

Let the Man Be the Man on a Date

Irv's Nerve

Patti's Favorite Episode

Real Live Michelangelo Fingers

Episode 1: Bravotv.com's Associate Editor gleans lessons from Patti's first week back in L.A. -- specifically about proper posing and helicopter etiquette.

She's baaaaaaaaack! We're back to the land Patti Stanger loves the most. The California daters tend to be a little more accepting of our gal. Perhaps it's the fresh smoggy air that makes them more open-minded. Anywho, as a single lady myself, I'll be watching this season with a careful eye to the lessons Patti can teach me. So follow along as we see what Commandant of Courting has taught us.

Do: Wear a headscarf while single and driving a convertible.

 Can we just talk for a minute about Patti wearing a head scarf when she's driving across L.A.?

I'm not sure why this to me was such a highlight of the episode! I just fell for how chic she looked. The pink with the leopard, with the braid. Way to take a cue from Bridget Jones' mini-break style, PS (Can I call you that?). Let's take the scarf out on the town and find it a male ascot to mate with, you know what I'm saying. . .

Do: Shower often and in the middle of your dates

Patti's first bachelor is Gary, who's hilariously from New York. She just can't get away. Gary's an internet empire type -- who actually owns a dating website of some kind, interestingly enough. He wants Patti to find him a lady that loves boats. Boats are like A, Number 1 requirement. Not far behind: hygiene. If you go on a date with Gary, and then you come home, you should take a shower, like before moving it to the bedroom or the living room, of anywhere. I'm curious if he has an outdoor shower at his house to facilitate this, or if he just herds his would-be mates into the bathroom upon arrival. Gary retreats a bit on this when Patti questions him about it (spurning her to believe he might have multiple personalities), but it's still an important lesson to learn. Cleanliness? Who knew.


Don't: Be tilted

You're titled. Fix that. Also get your teeth fixed is a general good tip-a-roo. But worth repeating if it means we get to hear Patti hum the Jaws theme song.

Do Have "Michelangelo fingers"

There are a lot of things I worry about on first dates. Am I talking too much? Do I laugh weird? Am I going to have to eat in front of him? Is that food in his teeth or is that how his teeth actually are? Never have I worried that my fingers weren't Michelangelo enough. But I’ve never been out with Michael.

Patti knew off the bat that this guy might have been a touch too handsome and perfect to need her services. I found the first red flag to be the fact he was blatantly hitting on Patti. No wait, I was suspicious when he was casually making a sculpture and holding a Grandma Wrinkles cat. His diverse interest and use of the word "fantastico" really set some bells and whistles off for me.

So Patti was from the get-go was worried he might be too perfect -- and she was right! His date was a photoshoot where he berated poor Tammy's ability to climb sexily out of a suicide door. I personally don't want someone I don't know if I ever want to see again having photos of me, lest I find out on Date 2 that he's produced a calendar and scheduled the next year of our life together. But at least I've learned that I should indeed be more cautious that I pose my fingers as though I was just grasping for God himself.

Next week Tori Spelling tries to find a date for her miniature chicken. Just kidding! Donna Martin is there teaching us about how women can have it all, chickens, scones chickens can eat, time with their families, etc. etc.

What else did you learn from this episode? Leave your favorite Pattism in the comments.