Cast Blog: #MATCHMAKER

Someday My Dork Will Come

Episode 3: Bravotv.com's Associate Editor ponders magazine fashion, horses, and shots on a first date.

This week we open with Sweet Patti discussing her singledom. Patti wants to be a mother. And she already knows all the tricks -- toys, breasts, food.

Now moving on to problems that can't always (but still occasionally can be) be solved with that trifecta.

Do: If you can't get Blake Lively, go for Fat Jessica Simpson

This week featured two vastly different millionaires. First there was the young, recently loaded Daniel Kibblesmith, who in the words of Patti, "needs every Hitch-ified move" she can give him.

Let's be honest her for a second. Pretty much every woman in the Bravotv.com office immediately fell in love with Daniel. Perhaps it was the charming puppetry, the whimsical sketches, or the hipster wardrobe, but like a lost puppy everyone wanted to adopt him.

Unfortunately, the person he wants signing his ASPCA forms is Blake Lively. Patti is less confident in his desires and asserts that for him it's "maybe fat Jessica Simpson, but not Blake Lively." I've always wondered what the nerdier substitution was for Blake Lively, so I'm glad Patti's cleared that up. Take note Penn Badgley.

Do: Keep your ascots to a minimum

Here's the thing Prince Max: Just no. No with the shirts with the family crest. No with the velvet blazers at all times. No, no, no. The only person velvet blazers ever worked on were Gwyneth Paltrow circa Se7en days. Look at Prince Harry. He's a prince and his fashion choices are very current (except when they are offensive, don't look at those). Didn't you see Enchanted? Amy Adams found love but only when she adapted to the real world. Prince Max was precious, once he kept his monarchy mentions to a minimum (also say that three times fast).

Do: Wear jaunt JT-style hats

Over hot dogs, Patti gently mentions to Daniel that "I wouldn't sleep with you. I wouldn't give you a blow job either," and might go so far as to tell him to burn his clothes. Those gentle critiques lead him to get a major makeover of clothes from racks and in piles. Daniel gets a slick Justin Timberlake hat (the Senorita working in the store feels for you, apparently, since she had the same style fedora on) and eventually a major haircut. The hoodies have been burned for warmth, so we'll see how that worked out shortly. . .

Don't: Take fashion advice from magazines, men don't f—k magazines

As Patti's picking the ladies, there are of course, some gems in the bunch. One resonated with me most -- That dress you saw in Lucky. Patti hates it. Case in point. . . . .

"If I bring you, would you wear a fitted cocktail dress and not like a frumpty dumpty, ruffle thing that you saw in Lucky magazine that you think is hot that nobody wants to sleep with you in?"

Also don't get to drunk, don't wear blazers, and don't have old energy. I've burned all of these things along with Daniel's hoodies.

Do: Have a horse if you're a prince

I mean c'mon guy. You know if Daniel asks you these questions, the woman are going to ask you these questions, too. My first thought when I saw Prince Max was like "Dude nice vodka, where's your horse?" How are you going to ride up on a white horse and rescue the gal without a horse.

Surprisingly at the mixer no one else asks him that question. Daniel struggles with understanding how long he's supposed to talk for. Max almost blows his cover. In the end, Max skips the Kate Bosworth/Bratwurst and Blazer Queen Erica in favor of Clark (from America's Next Top Model!). And Daniel chooses surfer and party girl Shereena over his dance partner. Do: Be a sample-size so your prince can buy you clothes to wear on your date

This whole date was a splendifirous fairytale. Max put the ascots away, and the pair was able to openly ballroom dance without abandon and is apparently never turned to pumpkins and is still together -- but none of this would have happened without Max having a good eye for his date's dress size. Know this gents, if you truly want to sweep someone off of their feet, be able to guesstimate their clothing size perfectly. Glass slippers and blue ballgowns are not one-size fits most.

Don’t wear suspender pants, chug shots, awkwardly man-handle your date. . .

Daniel and Shereena take in an art gallery and plenty of shots. Shereena took to her drink "like a duck drinking Scotch," so it was no surprise that by dinner she was maybe less than ideal company -- albeit still sore free.

Yipes. Poor Daniel's was so far out of his comfort zone I'm not even sure it was still a zone. He was just in a nebulous place where glitter hangs in the folds of his shirt and he has a hard time digesting seafood and cheese. Patti, was, unsurprisingly less than enthused with this, though she hints that things worked out ultimately in her vlog. I certainly hope so, young Danny Boy deserves it. And if not, there are plenty of ladies not dressed as spangly break dancers in the Bravotv.com office that would love to play puppet show.

Next week, Patti finds the alchemy of love. Spoiler alert: it's fondling (as long as you don't have sex)!

Making a Match: A Bachelor's Bachelor

Patti Stanger dishes on getting dog out of of Bachelor star Jesse Kovacs and getting AJ Johnson to let go of control. 

Season 8 of The Millionaire Matchmaker is one of the most dramatic ever. This time around, Patti Stanger is helping plenty of unlikely clients find love, from Perez Hilton and Bravo's own Sheree Whitfield to musician Adam O'Rourke!

Each week, we're asking Patti to weigh in on every episode in her exclusive vlog. She'll tackle the good (ditching the douche), the bad (AJ standing up his second date)—and the hilarious (did Patti just say she loves porn?!). 

This week, she talks about finding the perfect match for The Bachelor's infamous Jesse Kovacs, Candace Smith's pal and perfectionist AJ Johnson and more. Check out the latest episode vlog below and watch past episodes here.

This was a fun week I had two clients, AJ Johnson from Chicagolicious and Jesse Kovacs -- he’s been on several versions of The Bachelor.

I’ll start with AJ: he wants the perfect partner in business, life and love. Candace tells me he is a control freak and she is not kidding. I call him Mr. Cuffington because he likes putting girls in cuffs and he wants to control their look, what they say, how they act. He is a mess, but he is a nice guy. If he continues to put the cuffs on the girls he’s going to drive down lonely lane. I have an idea of how I’m going to do this mixer, but at first I introduce AJ to a fellow stylist mister blow out himself Jonathan Anton. He is in the same business as AJ and he’s had a lot of success.

On to my other client, when I meet Jesse Kovacs he’s nice and he’s handsome, so why does he have trouble finding love? Because he has a terrible reputation. He just wants to meet a nice girl who likes him for who he is and isn’t pre-judging him, but I need to get deeper. He knows he’s screwed up and he’s willing to change.

Jesse Kovacs is nice and he’s handsome, so why does he have trouble finding love? Because he has a terrible reputation.


For both these guys I want to do a special mixer. In this mixer were going to play a little game and my clients aren’t going to be able to see the girls. This works out great and AJ whittles his choice down to beautiful pageant girl Melissa and Jesse chooses cute little Kate.

AJ takes Melissa on a very romantic day of wine tasting in Malibu, they even get to stomp around in the grapes and they ended up having dinner at Geoffrey’s overlooking the water. I hope they will see each other again and I know

AJ has learned a lot from this.

Jesse also had some success. He and Kate had a playful date go-kart racing and I think they really hit it off, we’ll see. But I think both of my guys have learned a lot about themselves and about love.

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