Cast Blog: #MATCHMAKER

Someday My Dork Will Come

Making a Match: Patti Melts and Bravo Reunions

Making a Match: Speidi, Bad Guys & Playboy

Making a Match: The Real Perez and Sexy Sonja

Making a Match: Making Jill (and Ally) Happy

Making a Match: Crashing Chilli's Date!

Making a Match: Larry Birkhead & Melyssa Ford

Patti Turns NeNe's Bridesmaids to Brides

A Waste of a Good Mirror

Getting a Nice Guy for Rachel Uchitel

Breaking 'Matchmaker' History

Two Millionaires That Shouldn't Be Single

The Critical Dick Goes Home Alone

A Dorky Doc and a Hopeless Romantic

Carson Kressley, the Millionaire Whisperer

Patti's Vlog: Everyone Gets a Valentine!

Patti's Vlog: Patti's the Love Doctor

Patti's Vlog: Stefan Richter Tried to Date Patti!

A Bashful Beauty and a Not-So-Golden Oldie

A Shallow Old Dog and a Sweet River Rat

What Rosie Wants and a Gay Hugh Hefner

Great Expectations and the Running Man

Courtney Kerr and a Swedish Peacock

Sarcastic Cheban and a 'Man-diego' Bachelor

Sweetheart Swayze and a Virtual Phantom

Patti's Biggest, Most Tempting Mixer Yet

A Red-Hot Night for the Millionaires

Time for Some Spice: The Ginger Mixer!

Gaynor Gets the Girl (So Does Allison!)

Adam Gaynor Wins, Allison Baver Skates By

Patti Says Leave Boss at the Business

Chef K Wins One for the Lesbian Team

Mitch Berger, NFL Peter Pan, Grows Up

Johnny Out Sweets Yigit

Sweet Yigit Gets No Sugar on His Date

Just Robin Being Robin

Bye-Bye Bradley, Hello Kitty

Robin Kassner Gets Serious

The Rules According to Aimee

Matt "The Candy Man" Riviera

Time for Patti to Give Me a Raise

Someday My Dork Will Come

Episode 3: Bravotv.com's Associate Editor ponders magazine fashion, horses, and shots on a first date.

This week we open with Sweet Patti discussing her singledom. Patti wants to be a mother. And she already knows all the tricks -- toys, breasts, food.

Now moving on to problems that can't always (but still occasionally can be) be solved with that trifecta.

Do: If you can't get Blake Lively, go for Fat Jessica Simpson

This week featured two vastly different millionaires. First there was the young, recently loaded Daniel Kibblesmith, who in the words of Patti, "needs every Hitch-ified move" she can give him.

Let's be honest her for a second. Pretty much every woman in the Bravotv.com office immediately fell in love with Daniel. Perhaps it was the charming puppetry, the whimsical sketches, or the hipster wardrobe, but like a lost puppy everyone wanted to adopt him.

Unfortunately, the person he wants signing his ASPCA forms is Blake Lively. Patti is less confident in his desires and asserts that for him it's "maybe fat Jessica Simpson, but not Blake Lively." I've always wondered what the nerdier substitution was for Blake Lively, so I'm glad Patti's cleared that up. Take note Penn Badgley.

Do: Keep your ascots to a minimum

Here's the thing Prince Max: Just no. No with the shirts with the family crest. No with the velvet blazers at all times. No, no, no. The only person velvet blazers ever worked on were Gwyneth Paltrow circa Se7en days. Look at Prince Harry. He's a prince and his fashion choices are very current (except when they are offensive, don't look at those). Didn't you see Enchanted? Amy Adams found love but only when she adapted to the real world. Prince Max was precious, once he kept his monarchy mentions to a minimum (also say that three times fast).

Do: Wear jaunt JT-style hats

Over hot dogs, Patti gently mentions to Daniel that "I wouldn't sleep with you. I wouldn't give you a blow job either," and might go so far as to tell him to burn his clothes. Those gentle critiques lead him to get a major makeover of clothes from racks and in piles. Daniel gets a slick Justin Timberlake hat (the Senorita working in the store feels for you, apparently, since she had the same style fedora on) and eventually a major haircut. The hoodies have been burned for warmth, so we'll see how that worked out shortly. . .

Don't: Take fashion advice from magazines, men don't f—k magazines

As Patti's picking the ladies, there are of course, some gems in the bunch. One resonated with me most -- That dress you saw in Lucky. Patti hates it. Case in point. . . . .

"If I bring you, would you wear a fitted cocktail dress and not like a frumpty dumpty, ruffle thing that you saw in Lucky magazine that you think is hot that nobody wants to sleep with you in?"

Also don't get to drunk, don't wear blazers, and don't have old energy. I've burned all of these things along with Daniel's hoodies.

Do: Have a horse if you're a prince

I mean c'mon guy. You know if Daniel asks you these questions, the woman are going to ask you these questions, too. My first thought when I saw Prince Max was like "Dude nice vodka, where's your horse?" How are you going to ride up on a white horse and rescue the gal without a horse.

Surprisingly at the mixer no one else asks him that question. Daniel struggles with understanding how long he's supposed to talk for. Max almost blows his cover. In the end, Max skips the Kate Bosworth/Bratwurst and Blazer Queen Erica in favor of Clark (from America's Next Top Model!). And Daniel chooses surfer and party girl Shereena over his dance partner. Do: Be a sample-size so your prince can buy you clothes to wear on your date

This whole date was a splendifirous fairytale. Max put the ascots away, and the pair was able to openly ballroom dance without abandon and is apparently never turned to pumpkins and is still together -- but none of this would have happened without Max having a good eye for his date's dress size. Know this gents, if you truly want to sweep someone off of their feet, be able to guesstimate their clothing size perfectly. Glass slippers and blue ballgowns are not one-size fits most.

Don’t wear suspender pants, chug shots, awkwardly man-handle your date. . .

Daniel and Shereena take in an art gallery and plenty of shots. Shereena took to her drink "like a duck drinking Scotch," so it was no surprise that by dinner she was maybe less than ideal company -- albeit still sore free.

Yipes. Poor Daniel's was so far out of his comfort zone I'm not even sure it was still a zone. He was just in a nebulous place where glitter hangs in the folds of his shirt and he has a hard time digesting seafood and cheese. Patti, was, unsurprisingly less than enthused with this, though she hints that things worked out ultimately in her vlog. I certainly hope so, young Danny Boy deserves it. And if not, there are plenty of ladies not dressed as spangly break dancers in the Bravotv.com office that would love to play puppet show.

Next week, Patti finds the alchemy of love. Spoiler alert: it's fondling (as long as you don't have sex)!

Making a Match: The Real Perez and Sexy Sonja

Patti strips Mario Lavandeira of his Perez Hilton persona and takes Sonja Morgan's love life into her own hands with a secret weapon.

Season 8 of The Millionaire Matchmaker is one of the most dramatic ever. This time around, Patti Stanger is helping plenty of unlikely clients find love, from Larry Birkhead and 'Chili' Thomas to Stephanie Pratt.

Each week, we're asking Patti to weigh in on every episode in her exclusive vlog. She'll tackle the good (crashing Chilli's date), the bad (Sonja's fast-burning match Thomas)—and the hilarious (kicking Jill Zarin out!). This week, she talks about setting up RHONY's own Sonja Morgan, Perez Hilton, and more. Check out the latest episode vlog below and watch past episodes here.

 So this week I’m setting up Perez Hilton. I met Sonja Morgan and she’s from The Real Housewives of New York City. She’s got a high profile divorce from American royalty, aka J.P. Morgan. So Sonja wants a down to earth, really strong guy with money who can travel at a moment’s notice to New York. And Perez wants the ultimate husband. So this is a big deal. And because his reputation is so bad, I gotta find guys who will date him.

 We get down to Sonja’s guys and there’s Thomas and Kent, which end up being the last two guys that I really like. Thomas is super sexy and hot, a little overt, too much wanting to get into her pants. And then there’s Kent who’s so steady, he’s got four kids, he’s really rich, and more importantly, he’s kind of a slow burn -- whereas Thomas is a fast burn. 

 Now, we grab David and we go through the guys for Perez. It’s a blind date. So Perez and his date meet for the first time. I knew this was going to happen, everybody in the gay community, it’s such a small town, and everyong knows eachother. I was like aw, sh--. But, the good thing about it, Perez had a I really good time. I think that after Greg accepted Perez and didn’t make him feel bad about his past, and Perez realized that Greg was a really nice guy, they became friends. It wasn’t a love match, but his confidence soared. I think this was a real learning lesson.

Perez wants the ultimate husband. So this is a big deal. And because his reputation is so bad, I gotta find guys who will date him.

 Sonja chooses Thomas at the mixer and I was kinda bummed because I knew that Thomas was all sex and all talk no action. I had something else up my sleeve. Just to protect myself. So the secret weapon I had was Rocco Dispirito. Rocco Dispirito is a good friend of mine. He just had a new cookbook out and I thought, ‘What a great way to get to know someone if you cook with them!’ So me and Rocco were on a date, and Sonja and Thomas were on a date. And before I knew it, they were flirting and touching and kissing, and I was like, ‘Oh sh--, oh sh--.’ I decided to pull a switch.

 So I pull Kent in and Sonja’s in shock because she didn’t know she was getting two dates and not just one. And of course, Sonja being the flirt and Sagittarius that she is, she just rose to the occasion. Before long, they’re on a date and Thomas is out. It was romance dujour!