Cast Blog: #MATCHMAKER

Someday My Dork Will Come

Episode 3: Bravotv.com's Associate Editor ponders magazine fashion, horses, and shots on a first date.

This week we open with Sweet Patti discussing her singledom. Patti wants to be a mother. And she already knows all the tricks -- toys, breasts, food.

Now moving on to problems that can't always (but still occasionally can be) be solved with that trifecta.

Do: If you can't get Blake Lively, go for Fat Jessica Simpson

This week featured two vastly different millionaires. First there was the young, recently loaded Daniel Kibblesmith, who in the words of Patti, "needs every Hitch-ified move" she can give him.

Let's be honest her for a second. Pretty much every woman in the Bravotv.com office immediately fell in love with Daniel. Perhaps it was the charming puppetry, the whimsical sketches, or the hipster wardrobe, but like a lost puppy everyone wanted to adopt him.

Unfortunately, the person he wants signing his ASPCA forms is Blake Lively. Patti is less confident in his desires and asserts that for him it's "maybe fat Jessica Simpson, but not Blake Lively." I've always wondered what the nerdier substitution was for Blake Lively, so I'm glad Patti's cleared that up. Take note Penn Badgley.

Do: Keep your ascots to a minimum

Here's the thing Prince Max: Just no. No with the shirts with the family crest. No with the velvet blazers at all times. No, no, no. The only person velvet blazers ever worked on were Gwyneth Paltrow circa Se7en days. Look at Prince Harry. He's a prince and his fashion choices are very current (except when they are offensive, don't look at those). Didn't you see Enchanted? Amy Adams found love but only when she adapted to the real world. Prince Max was precious, once he kept his monarchy mentions to a minimum (also say that three times fast).

Do: Wear jaunt JT-style hats

Over hot dogs, Patti gently mentions to Daniel that "I wouldn't sleep with you. I wouldn't give you a blow job either," and might go so far as to tell him to burn his clothes. Those gentle critiques lead him to get a major makeover of clothes from racks and in piles. Daniel gets a slick Justin Timberlake hat (the Senorita working in the store feels for you, apparently, since she had the same style fedora on) and eventually a major haircut. The hoodies have been burned for warmth, so we'll see how that worked out shortly. . .

Don't: Take fashion advice from magazines, men don't f—k magazines

As Patti's picking the ladies, there are of course, some gems in the bunch. One resonated with me most -- That dress you saw in Lucky. Patti hates it. Case in point. . . . .

"If I bring you, would you wear a fitted cocktail dress and not like a frumpty dumpty, ruffle thing that you saw in Lucky magazine that you think is hot that nobody wants to sleep with you in?"

Also don't get to drunk, don't wear blazers, and don't have old energy. I've burned all of these things along with Daniel's hoodies.

Do: Have a horse if you're a prince

I mean c'mon guy. You know if Daniel asks you these questions, the woman are going to ask you these questions, too. My first thought when I saw Prince Max was like "Dude nice vodka, where's your horse?" How are you going to ride up on a white horse and rescue the gal without a horse.

Surprisingly at the mixer no one else asks him that question. Daniel struggles with understanding how long he's supposed to talk for. Max almost blows his cover. In the end, Max skips the Kate Bosworth/Bratwurst and Blazer Queen Erica in favor of Clark (from America's Next Top Model!). And Daniel chooses surfer and party girl Shereena over his dance partner. Do: Be a sample-size so your prince can buy you clothes to wear on your date

This whole date was a splendifirous fairytale. Max put the ascots away, and the pair was able to openly ballroom dance without abandon and is apparently never turned to pumpkins and is still together -- but none of this would have happened without Max having a good eye for his date's dress size. Know this gents, if you truly want to sweep someone off of their feet, be able to guesstimate their clothing size perfectly. Glass slippers and blue ballgowns are not one-size fits most.

Don’t wear suspender pants, chug shots, awkwardly man-handle your date. . .

Daniel and Shereena take in an art gallery and plenty of shots. Shereena took to her drink "like a duck drinking Scotch," so it was no surprise that by dinner she was maybe less than ideal company -- albeit still sore free.

Yipes. Poor Daniel's was so far out of his comfort zone I'm not even sure it was still a zone. He was just in a nebulous place where glitter hangs in the folds of his shirt and he has a hard time digesting seafood and cheese. Patti, was, unsurprisingly less than enthused with this, though she hints that things worked out ultimately in her vlog. I certainly hope so, young Danny Boy deserves it. And if not, there are plenty of ladies not dressed as spangly break dancers in the Bravotv.com office that would love to play puppet show.

Next week, Patti finds the alchemy of love. Spoiler alert: it's fondling (as long as you don't have sex)!

Making a Match: Finding Romeo's Juliet

Patti talks working with rap royalty Romeo Miller, aka Lil' Romeo, and helping him master the love game. 

Season 8 of The Millionaire Matchmaker is one of the most dramatic ever. This time around, Patti Stanger is helping plenty of unlikely clients find love, from Perez Hilton and Larry Birkhead to Bravo's own Real Atlanta Housewife Sheree Whitfield!

Each week, we're asking Patti to weigh in on every episode in her exclusive blog. She'll tackle everything from the good (Lil' Romeo's all grown up!), the bad (a shirtless first date?!) and the hilarious (Patti talks using tongue!). 

This week, she talks about finding love for Master P's son and rapper Romeo Miller, teaching us all about first dating kiss etiquette and more. Check out the latest episode vlog below and watch past episodes here.

Okay this week I had a really fun client, 25 year old Romeo Miller. He comes from rap royalty, he’s the son of Mater P. and he was famous as a little kid, you probably remember him as Lil’ Romeo. Well, Lil’ Romi is grown up and is looking for love.

Romeo has got a posse of friends and they all go out together at the clubs and they hid on all these women and I think if I can break him of the friend’s habit then I may be able to help him find a partner. He’s young and he’s got a lot of bad habits.

Lil’ Romi is grown up and is looking for love.

The next thing we do is a figure out a mixer.I sit on one side of him and Shaun sits on the other, and we help him go through various different women. He ends up with two really great women to go out with.

He’s got this nice, intelligent, beautiful woman and he takes her to body painting. Right -- it’s like he just wants to see her in a bikini. She’s a nice girl and she’s into him but he won’t kiss her, and she kisses him. Eh, not a good date.

I meet with Romeo and tell him he’s got to court a girl, woo a girl, not just put himself in a situation where they come to him.

He goes on a second date and this time I think he does a lot better. He takes Mica for a romantic dinner, they have some conversation, and he’s being a gentleman, courting her, doing the right thing.

He comes in to talk to me the next day and he’s learned a lot. He didn’t end up hitting it off with Mica, but I think he finally knows what he wants.

He remembers Taliah the girl that got away, the perfect girl from the mixer. So we call Taliah and she comes down to the office, I see the love connection and I immediately say it’s okay for them to go on a date but I want him to kiss her right away. It’s the perfect date for him.

 

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