The Millionaires

Daniel gives us his comical take on Patti and netting a "Gossip Girl."

Aug 30, 2011

As a small-town Chicagoan, utilizing the services of The Millionaire Matchmaker meant leaving my comfort zone in more ways then one. As soon as I hung up the phone on Patti (she stayed on until I hung up first, a class-act move in case a client has any last minute questions), I threw together my personal night-bag and boarded upward for a lengthy puddlejump to "The City of the Sea"--of course I'm talking about America's glitter basin, Los Angeles, California.

Founded by Spaniards (?) in the late 1600s (??), Los Angeles is now better known as Hollywood, due to its continuous outpouring of Cinema's Top Hits. As soon as I stepped onto the tarmac, and that dry, brittle desert breeze rolled over my face like a scouring pad left on the hood of a toaster-oven, I knew I wasn't in Kansas anymore, or at all, because it was a direct flight from Chicago ("The City of the Lake"). I was off on my first adventure.

After meeting Patti at Pink's Famous Hot Dog Store, she gave me my first batch of manliness advice: To get the Gossip Girl, you must first become the Gossip Boy. I was instructed to watch the first episode of Gossip Girl and pattern my behavior after smoldering sour-boy, Dan Humphrey (played by Paget Brewster). However, unable to secure a high-speed ethernet connection, I was forced to download the first episode off iTunes via the hotel's shared Wi-Fi. It arrived the next morning. I skipped around, jotting down the important parts and caking my hair flat with hand-saliva before knuckling down on my next homework assignment.