Touchdown Marcellus

Making a Match: Crashing Chilli's Date!

Making a Match: Larry Birkhead & Melyssa Ford

Patti Turns NeNe's Bridesmaids to Brides

A Waste of a Good Mirror

Getting a Nice Guy for Rachel Uchitel

Breaking 'Matchmaker' History

Two Millionaires That Shouldn't Be Single

The Critical Dick Goes Home Alone

A Dorky Doc and a Hopeless Romantic

Carson Kressley, the Millionaire Whisperer

Patti's Vlog: Everyone Gets a Valentine!

Patti's Vlog: Patti's the Love Doctor

Patti's Vlog: Stefan Richter Tried to Date Patti!

A Bashful Beauty and a Not-So-Golden Oldie

A Shallow Old Dog and a Sweet River Rat

What Rosie Wants and a Gay Hugh Hefner

Great Expectations and the Running Man

Courtney Kerr and a Swedish Peacock

Sarcastic Cheban and a 'Man-diego' Bachelor

Sweetheart Swayze and a Virtual Phantom

Patti's Biggest, Most Tempting Mixer Yet

A Red-Hot Night for the Millionaires

Time for Some Spice: The Ginger Mixer!

Gaynor Gets the Girl (So Does Allison!)

Adam Gaynor Wins, Allison Baver Skates By

Patti Says Leave Boss at the Business

Chef K Wins One for the Lesbian Team

Mitch Berger, NFL Peter Pan, Grows Up

Johnny Out Sweets Yigit

Sweet Yigit Gets No Sugar on His Date

Just Robin Being Robin

Bye-Bye Bradley, Hello Kitty

Robin Kassner Gets Serious

The Rules According to Aimee

Matt "The Candy Man" Riviera

Time for Patti to Give Me a Raise

Skeet Shooting is a Bad Date Idea

Let the Man Be the Man on a Date

Irv's Nerve

Patti's Favorite Episode

Touchdown Marcellus

Episode 12:'s Associate Editor throws out her red lipstick and laces up her tennis shoes for Marcellus Wiley.

Are you ready for some football? Or are you ready for one hot football dude? Hope you are my friends, because this week Patti was matching ESPN host and amazing voice haver Marcellus Wiley. Also, a 58-year old man who’s never been in love. Oh brother. Let’s begin shall we?

Don't: Be an Interviewer
As I mentioned, Patti's got Marcellus Wiley on deck. He's adorable, has a sexy voice (Patti even admitted it got her, ahem, wet), but he asks way too many questions. Dude's a walking background check. He wants a pretty girl, but he also think the car needs gas (brains) to go. Patti tries to explain to him the system to meet a lady without interrogating her. . .

Frankly he could interrogate the crap out of me. He's so charming! And happy! How can you not love a jovial giant like that! Patti could have really phoned it in on this one because he's so easy to love. However, she's, of course, going to find him exactly what he wants, which is a woman that's bigger, better, and badder than him (it gives him wood!). This seems like a no-brainer as soon as long as he doesn't ask too many questions.

Do: Stop dating young girls
Michael is a Chippendale's entrepreneur who's looking for a young lady he can sing songs too. Young is the operative word. Even though he's 58, he likes to date in the 20s range. Patti is obviously not going to let this fly. . .

Find your Heather Lockler friend! She's out there, and you can sing songs to her and relish in the fact that she actually knows some of the musical artists you're referencing. Isn't that a novel idea?

Do: Fix your hair
Patti had a spat of women this week with especially ridiculous hair. In particular this girl who does not understand the difference between lipo and collagen.

If Patti Stanger tells you she's going to push you down the stairs, she's probably going to push you down the stairs. Take note lady! Also the way to prove you're not a transexual is not to pull your dress up. That only proves that you are a fool. . .

Do: Be European
It adds seven years to your maturity level -- and allows you to enjoy both opera and Pink as far as Patti is concerned.

Don't: Wear red lipstick
Men don't want to kiss it, says Patti. Destin delightfully disagrees.

Don't: Listen to Patti
The ladies this week surprisingly listened to Patti. All of her makeover needing candidates turned it out, and showed up for the mixer looking much less bedraggled and gross than when Patti initially found them. This lead to a fairly incident free mixer. Sure Mike was a little bummed the ladies weren't as young as he normally likes. And sure Rachel and Patti had to pull Marcellus out and remind him that a sports quiz wasn't the thing to do. You can't decide if a woman is the lady for you based on her knowledge of the Cardinals starting line-up. Nor should you give them the "Jewish Inquisition," as Michael did. 

In the end, Marcellus picked Monique, who's adorable, and Michael picked Rolana. Both gals seem appropriate/not crazy. These dates should be breezes.

Do: Add a "-licious" to the end of your screenname
No guy is going to pick Jenny. But they will of course pick "Sweet and Spicy."

Don't: Sing a lady a song
While normally I would have to call out Marcellus having a fitness date, their terrible tennis game was actually really cute. Instead, it's Michael's date that is deserving of my scorn. First he takes his date up on a hot-air balloon, which is a little terrifying for her since she's afraid of heights. But it was the barrel room and the string quartet that was a little excessive -- and then there was the song.

I know, what's wrong with me? I'm a terrible person! I hate romance. I've grown cold of heart and mind and spirit. But tell me this song wasn't a little much. The Greatest Hits album, the performance! Reign it in guy. People should not sing songs to each other until at least the third date.


I guess love was easy to see in her eyes, but oof. They seemed pretty happy though, even if it seems it didn't work out in the end. All in all not a bad week.

But next week is it! Patti is her own client and seeing if she can follow the rules. Frankly, I cannot wait. This has doozie written all over it.

Making a Match: Larry Birkhead & Melyssa Ford

Find out what Patti really thought about sexy Melyssa and shy guy Larry's dates.

This week I got to meet one of the sweetest guys in the world, Larry Birkhead: the boy from Kentucky. There’s just one problem: he hasn’t dated in like a decade. This guy needs practice. I mean, he’s drop dead gorgeous and he can’t do anything. I can send him out into the world and the world of a mixer and a date, but he could botch it. Candace and I will give him some mock dating experience and I will pick his date for him. The first time he’ll meet her will be when they go out for the first time. No chance for him to get nervous, and more importantly, no time for the girl to look him up and see who he is. He can stand on his own two feet and just be himself, not Anna Nicole’s ex.

He can stand on his own two feet and just be himself, not Anna Nicole’s ex.

My other client this week is drop dead gorgeous: Melyssa Ford. She’s the star of Blood Sweat and Heels, she used to be in a bunch of music videos, and she was nicknamed the "Video Vixen". I know it’s hard to turn off the beauty and the booty, so I bring her to doctor Pat Allen. Doctor Pat and I have worked together for years. Doctor Pat told Melyssa that she should be leading with her brain. Melyssa can be sexy no matter what: but can she look for the guy who’s interested in what she has to say, not what she looks like?

So I’m doing something new: I get Candace and David to bring a bunch of good appropriate men and women to the mixer. I just want a handful of guys for Melyssa, and a handful of girls for Larry. I introduce the best ones to Melyssa for her to choose from, and I’ll pick the best girl to set up Larry with on a blind date. Melyssa picks Jay. Jay listened to the conversation, and remembered Melyssa liked bowling and cigars. And he took her on a perfect, fun, get-to-know-you date. Meanwhile, Larry met up with his date at Universal Studios. He had a private tour set up, and he and Michelle met for the first time. They had a blast. She knew who he was, but they got past that and they got to know each other. And he took her for dinner and even got a kiss at the end.

So in the end, I’m so happy that both Larry and Melyssa got to learn something. Larry got to know he can be himself and there’s no need to be shy, and she knows (Melyssa) that there are guys out there who can look past her booty and see the great girl underneath.

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