Cast Blog: #MATCHMAKER

Mitch Berger, NFL Peter Pan, Grows Up

Making a Match: Crashing Chilli's Date!

Making a Match: Larry Birkhead & Melyssa Ford

Patti Turns NeNe's Bridesmaids to Brides

A Waste of a Good Mirror

Getting a Nice Guy for Rachel Uchitel

Breaking 'Matchmaker' History

Two Millionaires That Shouldn't Be Single

The Critical Dick Goes Home Alone

A Dorky Doc and a Hopeless Romantic

Carson Kressley, the Millionaire Whisperer

Patti's Vlog: Everyone Gets a Valentine!

Patti's Vlog: Patti's the Love Doctor

Patti's Vlog: Stefan Richter Tried to Date Patti!

A Bashful Beauty and a Not-So-Golden Oldie

A Shallow Old Dog and a Sweet River Rat

What Rosie Wants and a Gay Hugh Hefner

Great Expectations and the Running Man

Courtney Kerr and a Swedish Peacock

Sarcastic Cheban and a 'Man-diego' Bachelor

Sweetheart Swayze and a Virtual Phantom

Patti's Biggest, Most Tempting Mixer Yet

A Red-Hot Night for the Millionaires

Time for Some Spice: The Ginger Mixer!

Gaynor Gets the Girl (So Does Allison!)

Adam Gaynor Wins, Allison Baver Skates By

Patti Says Leave Boss at the Business

Chef K Wins One for the Lesbian Team

Johnny Out Sweets Yigit

Sweet Yigit Gets No Sugar on His Date

Just Robin Being Robin

Bye-Bye Bradley, Hello Kitty

Robin Kassner Gets Serious

The Rules According to Aimee

Matt "The Candy Man" Riviera

Time for Patti to Give Me a Raise

Skeet Shooting is a Bad Date Idea

Let the Man Be the Man on a Date

Irv's Nerve

Patti's Favorite Episode

My Favorite Client Ever

Mitch Berger, NFL Peter Pan, Grows Up

Patti spills on Mitch's maturity and Joe's big mistake.

Read Patti's full transcript after the jump:Mitch is a retired kicker and punter from the NFL. You know I love the NFL! He’s been on the road for so many years that he didn’t really have time to grow up and have an actual mature, evolved relationship. We call that the Peter Pan syndrome. He settled down in Vancouver, and now he’s ready for love, marriage, and lots of babies.

Joe is a VIP event producer in LA; he puts work before love, so he hasn’t been able to find the right girl. His mom was a single mom on welfare and worked her way all the way up the food chain and now she’s a judge. He uses that as inspiration for hard work, but he also comes off as very cocky -- a huge turn-off to all girls.

I met Mitch at Nicky’s in Venice. He’s a venture capitalist now and he works for Canadian ESPN on the radio. He’s dated girls who are gold-diggers, and too young (in the past). He’s now ready to change that, and find the right woman, his own age. I met Joe at Picnic, a great place in Playa del Rey. He’s much sweeter in person than on his video, although there are moments of cockiness there. He attracts all the wrong girls, and we’ll have to tame his cocky attitude if he expects to get the right girl.

I arranged for Mitch to meet a personal friend of mine, retired NBA player and broadcaster John Sally. John gives great advice to professional athletes about settling down and finding the right woman. He tells Mitch: don’t tell the girls at the mixer that you’re from the NFL; that only draws gold-diggers. For Mitch, I’m looking for Jessica Biel types who are open to starting a family, and for Joe I’m looking for hot Eva Mendes types, who have enough going on in their own lives.

Our mixer was at True in Hollywood. Mitch chose both Melissa and Bambi. On his mini-date with Bambi, after she reveals she loves sports, he spills his secret about being an NFL player, and he picks Bambi! Joe is late for the mixer because he had to work; he’s already putting work before love (shocker). He hits it off with both Melissa and Emily, and he picks Melissa, who just may be a bit out of his league, but I’m glad he’s trying.

Mitch and Bambi go horse-back riding; they have a blast. Afterwards, he cooks her dinner at a beach house, and it’s the first time anyone has ever cooked her dinner. They pop champagne and watch the dolphins play: how romantic! Joe and Melissa meet downtown at a loft on the 33rd floor of a building. Joe introduces her to an artist named Robert Vargas who teaches them how to draw with charcoal. They drink champagne while drawing each other. For dinner he takes her to a new restaurant, and they have a great conversation.

Mitch did great; he swept Bambi off her feet. Mitch and Bambi are in love: their relationship is in full bloom and has legs, thank God. Joe didn’t do so well; the date idea was great, but he didn’t kiss her! No real chemistry. Well, at least he knows what to do for the next time.

Making a Match: Larry Birkhead & Melyssa Ford

Find out what Patti really thought about sexy Melyssa and shy guy Larry's dates.

This week I got to meet one of the sweetest guys in the world, Larry Birkhead: the boy from Kentucky. There’s just one problem: he hasn’t dated in like a decade. This guy needs practice. I mean, he’s drop dead gorgeous and he can’t do anything. I can send him out into the world and the world of a mixer and a date, but he could botch it. Candace and I will give him some mock dating experience and I will pick his date for him. The first time he’ll meet her will be when they go out for the first time. No chance for him to get nervous, and more importantly, no time for the girl to look him up and see who he is. He can stand on his own two feet and just be himself, not Anna Nicole’s ex.

He can stand on his own two feet and just be himself, not Anna Nicole’s ex.

My other client this week is drop dead gorgeous: Melyssa Ford. She’s the star of Blood Sweat and Heels, she used to be in a bunch of music videos, and she was nicknamed the "Video Vixen". I know it’s hard to turn off the beauty and the booty, so I bring her to doctor Pat Allen. Doctor Pat and I have worked together for years. Doctor Pat told Melyssa that she should be leading with her brain. Melyssa can be sexy no matter what: but can she look for the guy who’s interested in what she has to say, not what she looks like?

So I’m doing something new: I get Candace and David to bring a bunch of good appropriate men and women to the mixer. I just want a handful of guys for Melyssa, and a handful of girls for Larry. I introduce the best ones to Melyssa for her to choose from, and I’ll pick the best girl to set up Larry with on a blind date. Melyssa picks Jay. Jay listened to the conversation, and remembered Melyssa liked bowling and cigars. And he took her on a perfect, fun, get-to-know-you date. Meanwhile, Larry met up with his date at Universal Studios. He had a private tour set up, and he and Michelle met for the first time. They had a blast. She knew who he was, but they got past that and they got to know each other. And he took her for dinner and even got a kiss at the end.

So in the end, I’m so happy that both Larry and Melyssa got to learn something. Larry got to know he can be himself and there’s no need to be shy, and she knows (Melyssa) that there are guys out there who can look past her booty and see the great girl underneath.

Read more about: