Time for Patti to Give Me a Raise

Making a Match: Crashing Chilli's Date!

Making a Match: Larry Birkhead & Melyssa Ford

Patti Turns NeNe's Bridesmaids to Brides

A Waste of a Good Mirror

Getting a Nice Guy for Rachel Uchitel

Breaking 'Matchmaker' History

Two Millionaires That Shouldn't Be Single

The Critical Dick Goes Home Alone

A Dorky Doc and a Hopeless Romantic

Carson Kressley, the Millionaire Whisperer

Patti's Vlog: Everyone Gets a Valentine!

Patti's Vlog: Patti's the Love Doctor

Patti's Vlog: Stefan Richter Tried to Date Patti!

A Bashful Beauty and a Not-So-Golden Oldie

A Shallow Old Dog and a Sweet River Rat

What Rosie Wants and a Gay Hugh Hefner

Great Expectations and the Running Man

Courtney Kerr and a Swedish Peacock

Sarcastic Cheban and a 'Man-diego' Bachelor

Sweetheart Swayze and a Virtual Phantom

Patti's Biggest, Most Tempting Mixer Yet

A Red-Hot Night for the Millionaires

Time for Some Spice: The Ginger Mixer!

Gaynor Gets the Girl (So Does Allison!)

Adam Gaynor Wins, Allison Baver Skates By

Patti Says Leave Boss at the Business

Chef K Wins One for the Lesbian Team

Mitch Berger, NFL Peter Pan, Grows Up

Johnny Out Sweets Yigit

Sweet Yigit Gets No Sugar on His Date

Just Robin Being Robin

Bye-Bye Bradley, Hello Kitty

Robin Kassner Gets Serious

The Rules According to Aimee

Matt "The Candy Man" Riviera

Skeet Shooting is a Bad Date Idea

Let the Man Be the Man on a Date

Irv's Nerve

Patti's Favorite Episode

My Favorite Client Ever

Time for Patti to Give Me a Raise

Destin thinks his son's idea for a pay increase is a good one... especially when he babysits Alpha Females.

Patti Fired, Sin Hired!

One of my favorite days in the world is my self-created “Bring Your Son To Work Day” – where Rachel and I get to have our little man come to the office with us and hang out. He not only brings so much life and happiness to Millionaires Club, he takes less babysitting and work than most of our clients. Today was that day! But boy oh boy was he being a little devil… and his favorite seat? Patti’s, of course.

Sin decided to hang out with us while we showed Patti the videos… starting with my MILLIONAIRESS, Shonda. Now Shonda is a cool girl with a great attitude. When she was younger, she was a little on the chunky monkey side, so she kicked herself into gear, got herself into major shape and went on to win an Arnold Schwarzenegger female fitness contest. I’m not 100% sure what the challenges were, but I like to imagine one of them involved running in slow motion on the rooftop of a building while uttering the line “Get to the choppa!”

Shonda claims she wants to be swept off her feet by a man with power.  She loves Superman, Kevin “Waterworld” Costner, and of course, Donald Trump.  She likes walks on the beach, making drinks, and Donald Trump’s hair.  She also likes… Donald Trump’s hair.  Did I mention Donald Trump’s hair?  WTF? Who likes Donald Trump’s hair?!  Sigh.  Well at least she’s not as bad as Rachel’s mega-alpha millionairess – who’s just dying for a real man (and by ‘real man’ she means one that won’t bend over for her strap-on).

We do a recruiting session with the help of Rachel’s millionairess’s ex – who ultimately gets thrown into the dating pool for Shonda.

At the mixer (which is just a small dinner party this time) the guys schmooze the girls, the ex fails, and both girls don’t listen to us and pick the wrong guys.  For Shonda, it’s a British guy that wins her hand… well, her date anyway.Shonda and the British guy go to a place to make cocktails where he gets to play older cool foreign dude.  She buys into it a tad, but he blows it at dinner by playfully insulting religion.

In the end, Shonda falls victim to her Superman complex, Rachel’s gal can’t figure out her power trip, and Sin takes over Patti’s job and gives me a raise.

Making a Match: Larry Birkhead & Melyssa Ford

Find out what Patti really thought about sexy Melyssa and shy guy Larry's dates.

This week I got to meet one of the sweetest guys in the world, Larry Birkhead: the boy from Kentucky. There’s just one problem: he hasn’t dated in like a decade. This guy needs practice. I mean, he’s drop dead gorgeous and he can’t do anything. I can send him out into the world and the world of a mixer and a date, but he could botch it. Candace and I will give him some mock dating experience and I will pick his date for him. The first time he’ll meet her will be when they go out for the first time. No chance for him to get nervous, and more importantly, no time for the girl to look him up and see who he is. He can stand on his own two feet and just be himself, not Anna Nicole’s ex.

He can stand on his own two feet and just be himself, not Anna Nicole’s ex.

My other client this week is drop dead gorgeous: Melyssa Ford. She’s the star of Blood Sweat and Heels, she used to be in a bunch of music videos, and she was nicknamed the "Video Vixen". I know it’s hard to turn off the beauty and the booty, so I bring her to doctor Pat Allen. Doctor Pat and I have worked together for years. Doctor Pat told Melyssa that she should be leading with her brain. Melyssa can be sexy no matter what: but can she look for the guy who’s interested in what she has to say, not what she looks like?

So I’m doing something new: I get Candace and David to bring a bunch of good appropriate men and women to the mixer. I just want a handful of guys for Melyssa, and a handful of girls for Larry. I introduce the best ones to Melyssa for her to choose from, and I’ll pick the best girl to set up Larry with on a blind date. Melyssa picks Jay. Jay listened to the conversation, and remembered Melyssa liked bowling and cigars. And he took her on a perfect, fun, get-to-know-you date. Meanwhile, Larry met up with his date at Universal Studios. He had a private tour set up, and he and Michelle met for the first time. They had a blast. She knew who he was, but they got past that and they got to know each other. And he took her for dinner and even got a kiss at the end.

So in the end, I’m so happy that both Larry and Melyssa got to learn something. Larry got to know he can be himself and there’s no need to be shy, and she knows (Melyssa) that there are guys out there who can look past her booty and see the great girl underneath.

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