Read Patti's full transcript after the jump!
My first millionaire is Ian Bernardo, a spoiled trust fund baby who has 80 million dollars coming his way. He’s trying to find a man to settle down with, but he’s so immature and childish with me that it’s no wonder he can’t find the one. I’m at my wit’s end with this Ian, so I have my old friend Carson Kressley come to have a heart to heart with him. When Ian lowers his guard a bit with Carson, he’s actually a nice guy and not a spoiled brat. I just hope I can get Ian to calm down and be himself with any of the guys I set him up with.
My other millionaire is Jeff Ogden, a former NFL wide receiver who’s tall, handsome and the owner of a successful gym. Where was he when I was single? Well, his problem is simple. Jeff dives head first into relationships, even been married twice -- once for a month, and once for a day. He’s a cliff diver. He doesn’t look before he leaps. I need to teach him that instead of diving headlong into marriage, he needs to ride the long wave of a relationship and get to know the girl and only go the distance if she’s right for him.
Recruiting for these two was a blast. Carson stuck around to help me and my assistants, find hot gay guys who won’t take any of Ian’s bulls-- and will force him to grow up. For my NFLer Jeff, we found a whole bunch of sporty intelligent girls that are mature enough to handle a long term relationship if it’s right for him.
At the mixer, Ian is his usual spoiled trust fun baby self, but one of his mini-dates Phillip actually gives him sh-- back. And Ian picks him for his master date -- go figure! I think under Ian’s baby-ish exterior, he actually wants a guy who will keep him in check.
Meanwhile Jeff for his master date picks Melanie, who is a former master date, at a previous mixer. Melanie is great for Jeff because she’s very grounded and doesn’t want to jump headlong into a relationship without getting to know him first.
Jeff might have taken my ride the wave metaphor a little too literally as he took Melanie surfing. But Melanie enjoyed it. Different strokes for different folks. Hopefully they’ll ride the wave all the way to marriage.
Ian took Phillip to a trapeze course which you have to see to believe. Somehow Phillip not only tolerated Ian, but he actually wants to see him again. That is crazy. I think Ian like to test people and Phillip was okay with that. Maybe he likes to be submissive. He held his own. So maybe they’re a match.
Am I best at what I do or what? I just wish I hadn’t agreed to give Ian a hug, I don’t want him to get a big head or anything.