Getting a Nice Guy for Rachel Uchitel

Making a Match: Crashing Chilli's Date!

Making a Match: Larry Birkhead & Melyssa Ford

Patti Turns NeNe's Bridesmaids to Brides

A Waste of a Good Mirror

Breaking 'Matchmaker' History

Two Millionaires That Shouldn't Be Single

The Critical Dick Goes Home Alone

A Dorky Doc and a Hopeless Romantic

Carson Kressley, the Millionaire Whisperer

Patti's Vlog: Everyone Gets a Valentine!

Patti's Vlog: Patti's the Love Doctor

Patti's Vlog: Stefan Richter Tried to Date Patti!

A Bashful Beauty and a Not-So-Golden Oldie

A Shallow Old Dog and a Sweet River Rat

What Rosie Wants and a Gay Hugh Hefner

Great Expectations and the Running Man

Courtney Kerr and a Swedish Peacock

Sarcastic Cheban and a 'Man-diego' Bachelor

Sweetheart Swayze and a Virtual Phantom

Patti's Biggest, Most Tempting Mixer Yet

A Red-Hot Night for the Millionaires

Time for Some Spice: The Ginger Mixer!

Gaynor Gets the Girl (So Does Allison!)

Adam Gaynor Wins, Allison Baver Skates By

Patti Says Leave Boss at the Business

Chef K Wins One for the Lesbian Team

Mitch Berger, NFL Peter Pan, Grows Up

Johnny Out Sweets Yigit

Sweet Yigit Gets No Sugar on His Date

Just Robin Being Robin

Bye-Bye Bradley, Hello Kitty

Robin Kassner Gets Serious

The Rules According to Aimee

Matt "The Candy Man" Riviera

Time for Patti to Give Me a Raise

Skeet Shooting is a Bad Date Idea

Let the Man Be the Man on a Date

Irv's Nerve

Patti's Favorite Episode

My Favorite Client Ever

Getting a Nice Guy for Rachel Uchitel

Patti teaches Rachel to ditch the uber aggressive macho men and helps tough teddy Steve go for the beauty inside.

Read Patti's full transcript after the jump!

OK, this was a doozy of a week. My first client was Steve Lobel. Steve’s a tough guy from Brooklyn who made his money managing and producing rap artists. In fact, Steve even got me to rap a little bit this week, and I have to say -- I wasn’t that bad!

The first time he came to me, he picked a great girl and I thought everything was perfect. But a couple of months later he told me that, you know they went in separate directions. He decided she was a little too young, shocker!

My other client was Rachel Uchitel, who I know from New York from years ago. Her true love fiancé died in 9/11. She’s dated since then and had her ups and downs. She used to run expensive clubs in New York. Since then, she’s had a daughter and parted ways with her ex-husband, and she’s turning to me for help.

Look I know Rachel, so I know what she needs. She usually picks uber-aggressive guys, macho guys, and then she locks horns with them because she’s much more successful than they are. She’s what I call a shredder. She’s got an aggressive personality. She needs to open herself up and determine that it’s OK to be with a guy that treats her well, that’s nice, and that they don’t need to be domineering to be confident and strong. That’s what I think. I’m going to do my best to get her to think the same thing.

So because Steve’s a little picky, I decided to go with my two-way mirror for recruiting. That’s where the millionaire actually gets to watch as I go through perspective dates and he gets to chime in and get me to ask them questions. I thought this would be better than letting Steve out in to a mixer again to hold court. I think it was a good idea. Steve also brought his dad out from New York. So it was me, Justin, David, Dad, trying to find a perfect girl for Steve. In the end, I was down to two girls. I thought Steve should go with Masika. But Steve and his dad both picked Allie. Probably because of her giant. . . ‘personality’. No she was great, and cute, and there was nothing wrong with her. But I didn’t think she was as mature as Masika for Steve.

Rachel comes in, and I start meeting guys, and I every time I go back in to the other room, she’s shredding through them. This one’s too this, and this one’s too that, so I talk to her and I try to get some of the nice guys in front of her. Look, maybe I won’t set her up with mister kingdom come, but at least she can see that a nice guy with confidence has a place in her life. She deserves a guy who treats her well and respects her.

In the end, she chooses Brandon. Brandon’s great. He’s nice, he’s confident, handsome. He’s just the kind of guy Rachel would never have chosen on her own. I’m just so happy she’s trying him. Even if they don’t end up together forever, at least she can see what it’s like to have a good guy on a date. 

So Steve plans a date that shows his tough and teddy bear side. He takes her shooting for the first part of the date -- not for everybody -- but she seems to really enjoy it. Then he takes her on a great romantic gondola ride with a picnic basket. I think he really wanted to show her his softer side. And Allie had a great time, but here’s what’s interesting: by the end Steve says he wasn’t going to ask her out again. Not because she wasn’t great, but because he wanted someone more his equal, as in the same place in the same time.

He should’ve listened to me. Masika was a better choice for him. But here’s the important thing: Steve is learning not to just go for the booty, but to find the girl inside. I think Steve has come a long way and is learning to be picky not just about girls’ looks but about what’s under the hood of the car as well.

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Breaking 'Matchmaker' History

Patti can't believe "Vegas" Dave walked out on her mixer -- he couldn’t get a quality girl in a million years.

Read Patti's full transcript after the jump!

Okay, this was a week! Both of our clients are from Viva La Vegas! My first client is Gerry McCambridge. He’s the mentalist. He’s a headliner at Vegas, he’s been married twice -- six freakin’ kids, but the relationships don’t work out. Now he’s doing well, but he can’t seem to find the right girl. It’s easy to figure out why this guy has no time. I’ve always said if you want love, you’ve got to make time for it. We sit down and we talk about it. Gerry seems to understand and he agrees with what I’m saying. Yes, he can still do a show six nights a week, but he has to find time to spend with a new relationship. I agree to take him on if he agrees to fly is date out to Vegas to show her the town. Done deal.

My other client is a mess. He calls himself “Vegas” Dave. He looks like a little furry toad, short and fat and he claims he rotates women in and out of bed – like he could ever get a girl! Okay, this guy doesn’t look like he could rotate anything let alone his tires. And the idea that women are into him is ridiculous! But he says he wants to settle down, stop dating the cocktail waitresses.

Now there are two situations that could have been true here. One is that Dave is a nice guy underneath, and he just suffers from a little dating ADD. He can’t concentrate on a girl long enough to find love. He says he hasn’t had a relationship for more than two weeks. That’s not even a relationship. So maybe that’s the case. The other situation is that he’s full of f---ing sh-- and doesn’t want to settle down and is too insecure and too much of a loser to even get a date with one of the girls I set him up with! We’ll see which guy shows up at the mixer. But I think he’s got no game, seriously.

So it’s time for the mixer and I like to mix it up. So since they guys are both from Vegas, I make all the girls wear the standard Coco Chanel little black dress with some gorgeous jewelry from my Je T’aime jewelry collection. And everybody looks fabulous. That’s right, pay attention. I have a jewelry line. Wearing the little black dress means the guys will have to get to know the girls a little bit. They have to get under the hood of the car and check out, yes, the personality. They can’t just stay on the surface, which most guys do.

Well, Gerry the mentalist does great. He’s polite, charming, asking questions, trying to find the girls that are right for him. He’s listening, being himself, not trying to take over the conversation. He chooses two girls, Jodie and Carrie. And both are really good and appropriate girls. He ends up picking Carrie the cop. They seem to get along great. We’ll see how good they do on their date. I actually like Jodie for him a little bit better, but that’s another story for another day.

Meanwhile, “Vega Dave” with all his cockiness and his rotating women can’t even get a sentence put together. He’s in real trouble. I could let him drown, but I try to help him out and give him some advice.  It’s my job, after all, to do this. But the guy is useless. Then he has the balls to tell me he’s leaving.  No time ever in Millionaire Matchmaker history has anyone ever left the Club let alone the mixer on their own because none of the girls are good enough for toady boy. Are you f---ing kidding me?

Okay, I lost my shit that’s right. I went Millionaire Matchmaker on him. You have got to be kidding, this guy couldn’t get a date with a quality woman in a million years. And he comes to me expecting me to give it to him and then he says no. You have to just laugh sometimes. I watched "Vegas" Dave leave, and literally the girls at the mixer told me that they would never ever go on a date with him and they ‘re glad that he’s gone.
Gerry keeps his word, and flies Carrie out to Vegas and they have a wonderful time. He takes her to the spa, then to a nice dinner, just like a gentleman should. Turns out they aren’t quite a match, no sparks. But the truth is Gerry now knows that it’s possible to carve out time in his schedule to make it happen. And I see him remarrying within a year.

With all the talk about Vegas, David, my boyfriend, and I took a chance for a weekend away and we each planned an activity for each other. We played some craps, I chose for us to make a special martini and David wanted a steak dinner at Yellowtail at the Bellagio. It was really romantic. It was incredible, with the fountains going. It was just great. It really took my mind off ---hole millionaires like “Vegas” Dave.  Almost.

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