Cast Blog: #MATCHMAKER

Patti's Vlog: Everyone Gets a Valentine!

Making a Match: Crashing Chilli's Date!

Making a Match: Larry Birkhead & Melyssa Ford

Patti Turns NeNe's Bridesmaids to Brides

A Waste of a Good Mirror

Getting a Nice Guy for Rachel Uchitel

Breaking 'Matchmaker' History

Two Millionaires That Shouldn't Be Single

The Critical Dick Goes Home Alone

A Dorky Doc and a Hopeless Romantic

Carson Kressley, the Millionaire Whisperer

Patti's Vlog: Patti's the Love Doctor

Patti's Vlog: Stefan Richter Tried to Date Patti!

A Bashful Beauty and a Not-So-Golden Oldie

A Shallow Old Dog and a Sweet River Rat

What Rosie Wants and a Gay Hugh Hefner

Great Expectations and the Running Man

Courtney Kerr and a Swedish Peacock

Sarcastic Cheban and a 'Man-diego' Bachelor

Sweetheart Swayze and a Virtual Phantom

Patti's Biggest, Most Tempting Mixer Yet

A Red-Hot Night for the Millionaires

Time for Some Spice: The Ginger Mixer!

Gaynor Gets the Girl (So Does Allison!)

Adam Gaynor Wins, Allison Baver Skates By

Patti Says Leave Boss at the Business

Chef K Wins One for the Lesbian Team

Mitch Berger, NFL Peter Pan, Grows Up

Johnny Out Sweets Yigit

Sweet Yigit Gets No Sugar on His Date

Just Robin Being Robin

Bye-Bye Bradley, Hello Kitty

Robin Kassner Gets Serious

The Rules According to Aimee

Matt "The Candy Man" Riviera

Time for Patti to Give Me a Raise

Skeet Shooting is a Bad Date Idea

Let the Man Be the Man on a Date

Irv's Nerve

Patti's Favorite Episode

My Favorite Client Ever

Patti's Vlog: Everyone Gets a Valentine!

Patti vlogs on matching presidential Matt and country boy Adam while making sure no dater was alone on Valentine’s.

Read Patti's full transcript after the jump!

OK, this was a great week. It’s the week before Valentine’s Day, and if you’re a matchmaker this can be the best time of the year. Love is in the air and I’m helping many make it happen. I even have a great idea for the mixer this year. We’re going to make it a Red Ball, a huge great Valentine’s Day themed mixer, with all the red dresses from my friends at Rent the Runway. And best of all, nobody goes without a date -- nobody! My millionaires get to pick two girls and for the girls who don’t get picked, I have guys for them to mingle with. Patti saves Valentine’s Day.

Ok back to the beginning, my two young clients this week are Matt Brooks and Adam Winters. Matt is handsome, has an internet marketing company, oh, and he looks exactly like a young Barack Obama. The President is in. So his problem isn’t that he can’t find a girl, his problem is he’s always in a new relationship. I’ve seen this before, serial monogamy. He’s afraid to be alone so he’s always in the relationship, but he doesn’t know how to pick the one. He jumps right in. And then he finds he hadn’t chosen right, and he breaks up. This is ridiculous. This could go on for years. It’s got to stop.


Serial monogamists, once they know what their problem is -- they have to go slow, they have to get to know the girl. They can’t just go with instinct because their instincts are off. They have to carefully select someone and then cool their jets while they’re really evaluating if they’re the right person them. I can help because I’m handpicking appropriate girls for Mr. Matt. So if he follows my advice and takes it slow and gets to know her, he find he can get the girl of his dreams, who he can really connect and communicate with. He has a chance of a lasting relationship.

Meanwhile, my other client is a young Southern boy from Tennessee. I call him “the Beverly Hillbilly” because like on the TV show, he’s just picked up and moved to Beverly Hills. Well, he made a lot of money in green transportation. He’s a smart kid, Adam. The problem is he isn’t sure what he wants. He made his money out in LA, the big city, but his heart is back in Tennessee. So he needs a modern city girl who also has one foot planted in the country.



Adam doesn’t believe me, but that kind of girl does exist out here. You just have to find them. He’s come to the right place. He just has to be serious for a minute and show them who he really is. He talks the big talk, like I want a woman to cook for me. I think basically he’s full of crap with that. He’s really a sweetheart inside. So we’ll see which Adam shows up at the mixer.

So we throw a big Red Ball, and it’s just beautiful. My assistant David decorated it, and it looks great. And all the girls are in their Rent the Runway dresses, it’s fantastic. Instead of mini dates, we have mini dances! I even invited my boyfriend David to come and he and I have a slow dance on the dance floor.

Matt does a really good job. I can see him out there really trying to get under the hood of the car and get to know the girls. In the end, he picks a beautiful girl named Emily, who was my favorite for him. They’re both smart and young, and really have a great connection.

Adam picks a really great girl, Kate. She doesn’t fall for his Southern stupid bulls---. She gets right down to his personality and he is smitten. And you know what? On the inside, she’s just as country as she is. Go figure! Patti wins again!

At the end of the mixer, as we promised, all the girls who weren’t picked get to mingle with all the single guys my staff and I invited. Everyone dances the night away. We had a great time and my millionaires ended up with their great dates.

Matt pulled out all the stops and he takes Emily to a chocolate factory and they make their own chocolates. He then has a beautiful dinner set up right in their Valentine’s Day candy showroom and I know they kissed at the end. They are doing great. I really Matt is setting this up for success. He’s not in it just to be dating, but to find someone that he can communicate with. I see them going very far with this one.

Adam almost blew it with the date. He took her to the zoo for a tour of the mating habits of wild animals. And you know what? She loved it. Maybe it’s not for me, but these two country bumpkins had a great time. Either way, he planned right and had flowers and a great romantic dinner. The two really got along great. Adam got a kiss as well and they’re going out again!

So two matches this week. What does that mean? One piece of advice: don’t f--- with a matchmaker around Valentine’s Day.   

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A Waste of a Good Mirror

Patti hopes they master cloning so Justin can date himself, but she's ecstatic Michael let his inner nerd hang out.

Read Patti's full transcript after the jump!

OK. This was a week and a half!

My first client was great. Michael Sartain, an estate manager who lives in Vegas. He’s good looking, rich, polite. What’s wrong with him? Well I meet him and I realize, there really isn’t anything wrong with him. He’s stuck in Vegas, all he does is work. But it’s just not the kind of town where you’re basically going to meet a really nice girl. He goes out  to clubs, he meets club girls. He goes out to casinos, same thing same thing over and over again. This is the kind of guy who’s as comfortable walking down the strip as burying his nose in a science book. He’s really smart.  And nerdy things but he doesn’t think girls want to hear about that. He’s super super sexy science cute. That’s where I come in.

 

I tell him that the first rule to having a relationship is being yourself. And if you’re a guy who loves physics and astronomy, well you better not date a girl who wants to go out dancing every night. That’s just, stupid! You don’t have to be twins but you have to respect eachother. I told Michael that it was ok to let the inner nerd come out a little bit. And find out if that was acceptable to a girl. And he would have no problem!


On the other side of things, though, I’ve had one of my most annoying clients ever. Justin Ross Lee. J-R-L. The guy that makes narcissism look like a super power. He’s one of those guys that is just so in love with himself. Why don’t they finally master cloning and give him what he wants -- another him. Here’s the thing, with this guy he’s all bullsh--. I know he has money, he’s inherited a bunch form his parents. He’s all into the rich look and being pretentious. And if he doesn’t lose the act, and get real, he will never meet a woman he can be in a relationship with. If he really wants that, he’s so full of shit.

But I can’t say that I’m not going to try. I bring out all the tricks in my book. I ask him to nurture a plant and bring it to the mixer. He brings plastic. I ask him to lose the pretentious douche-wear. Putting on something fun and 70s for a disco mixer! He ignores me, he still wears Piccadilly pants.  I ask him to get real and actually lose his fake attitude, and ask the girls authentic questions, he acts like an asshole! So at some point, there’s not much more I can do to this guy. I can lead the horse to water, but I can't change him if he’s a horses a--.


The 70s disco mixer goes great. We’ve got like 10 disco balls and Michael’s totally into it wearing a huge wig, he’s great. Justin Ross Lee wears a stupid suit and his pocket square -- yuck. He’s getting on my nerves! I try to get him to be himself and he doesn’t f---ing budge. So I’m glad that we picked out a girl with a sense of humor who can take him down a notch. In the end he chooses Ariane and Alex. Two models, shocker, of course. For his mini dates and ends up with Arianne. Good -- shes not gonna put up with his f---ing bullsh--.

On the other side, Michael is letting his nerd hang out. He’s being honest and telling the girls what he loves to do. His science stuff. And you know what? They like him for who he is because he’s being honest about himself and telling them what he’s into. He picks two great girls. Cynthia and Andrea.

Michael takes her to a flight simulator thing where you can pick your own jet fighter and she loves it in the end, they’re shooting each other down like Top Gun and it’s super sexy. But he also brings his romantic side. He has a strong quartet playing for her and then he brings her to a nice romantic dinner where they really talk and get to know each other. And she responds to him. It goes great. That’s what happens when a guy listens to me!

Meanwhile Mr. Pretentious Jacka-- I’m An A--hole With My Pocket Square, gets a big yacht (meaning he has no penis) and he tries to wine and dine young Ariane, who knows he’s full of sh-- the moment he opens his mouth. And just like I suspected- he can’t keep his mouth closed for more than a second before he’s insulting her. He says he looked her up on Google, and she’s not really thirty, and she’s been lying to him. Now I know she’s really 35 -- I have her drivers license. When I screened Arianne, I saw that she was 35 which is on her paperwork -- that’s fine! That’s what I told him I was going to have at the mixer 30 and 35! I don’t really give a shit, because on the paperwork, she fit the bill for him to date. He’s rude to ask and he was a complete dick about it.

So we all know why Justin isn’t leaving my club with a girl on his arm: because Justin is in love with one thing, and that’s not money, that’s not blondes, that’s Justin. And I’m never going to set him up with a girl who’s as ugly as himself -- that’s for sure. The guy’s a waste of a good mirror. 

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