I'm on the road for a show this weekend in Charlotte, NC, and I'm trying to get my thoughts together before sound check; so if this blog is a little shorter than usual I apologize! I can't believe this is the next to last episode. . .I feel like we're just getting started.
I was still "in my feelings" about what happened in the club with Vawn and knew that I had to fill Emily in on what happened after she left. I appreciate that she listened and didn't try to rub my nose in it.
The day after I was still upset, but also angry and trying to make sense of my feelings. Was it just my pride and ego being bruised or did I really have more feelings for Vawn than I'd like to admit? If I'm being honest it was both. After being hurt in the past, let down, etc, I don't like to put all my cards on the table about how I feel. It is easy for me to be vulnerable when I'm acting and on stage performing, but when I have to do it in a romantic setting it totally freaks me out.
My plan (not that I really had one LOL) was not to let the whole club debacle affect my rehearsal with Megan and Monica, but when Vawn walked in the door I admit I was seething. I try to avoid arguments and in my past relationships it's led to me just holding alot of things in and not standing up for myself.