And the moral of the story is. . .
Watching this episode, a few things stood out to me:
I hated seeing Africa and Alex fight. When Africa called me, I knew I had to be there in order for her to vent. Sometimes, it’s hard for men to listen to this type of conversation, but I adapt well. I knew she needed an ear, and I wanted to be there for her as a friend. Africa and I have great conversation. She’s funny! And I love the head wrap and I love her hair!
Emily at the gun range, claiming she was a redneck -- hilarious! She he had a nice shot. If you set her off, she might kill everyone! LOL!
My favorite scene of the episode was my son and I spending quality time together. My son is not only the star of the show; he's the star of my life! This was just a glimpse into what we do all the time. My relationship with my son is an example of what loyalty looks like, what love looks like. He's my best friend! He motivates me to be a better version of myself.
Dude, try not to break your arm patting yourself on the back with piss poor explanation.
What you found is a woman that would settle. That second chance should be miss, not hit.
Do not, I repeate do not fu*k with Alex. She is just a fake ass dollar baby. If you are a real man then step up to the plate with a real woman you know what she looks like, you know what you want and expect from a woman. If you are goin to be a man stop playing teenage games. When a boy grows up life and knowledge comes alone with that. Being a man means knowing what you want from others and out of life, devising a plan and making it happen. If not then don't call your self a man, you are still a boy who hasn't grown up yet.
I can't believe anyone would be interested in coming to a seminar you're hosting. The group of men on the stage were a joke. There is an old saying ," you can fool some of the people some of the time". I think any woman that buys into your bs is just your friend or stupid if they are involved with you unless the act just like you.
The only way that what you said makes any sense would be if you and Africa were actually just FRIENDS first. You obviously aren't just friends... there was some hanky-panky or romantic things that friends don't do, let's be real here. I think it is good that you are honest with not being willing or able to commit, but I don't think you should string Africa along when she is clearly interested in a relationship with you.
After watching this show tonight....Africa is a fool. She has allowed Vawn to treat her like a fool, acts like he has amnesia when ever she bring up her feeling and then she plays the victim while the whole world watches...Women have been fighting for men to commit especially in the African American community, but with women like her with the lines of if I tell your the truth, then its OK for me to do me, then they never have too...She seems and look smart, but I guess looks are deceiving. And yes tonight Vawn was the aggressor...You can't invite people to speak and when you don't agree, you get mad. And maybe Africa and Vawn were pissed because they were the trues fools in the room. You can't get better, if you keep selling yourself low and short. dont fall for the line that every man uses to keep your legs open to them. A man is going to tell you exactly what you want to hear to keep you giving him exactly what he wants.
I forgot to mentioned you Alex, girl you are also obsessed and you are starting to look week. Agreeing with everything, even if is right or wrong is very bad. I am sure you have morals, but your obsession is not letting you think right!!!! Move on and realize you deserve better that Vawn, he is a disgrace and don't deserve any good woman like you or Africa. Both needs to open your eyes and don't get involve with negativity like Vawn. He is just trash, and you guys are looking like one.
Vawn, I understand your point, however, that does not mean that is ok. You are a bad example for every young man. Any woman that agrees with you, simply It lacks self respect. A clear example is Africa. Africa has no self respect at all, she hears what she wants to hear and defends people like Vawn. OMG!!!!!!!!!! Open your eyes girl and realize that what you have for Vawn is not love, is a bad obsession that will take you down!!!!!!! How embarrassing for your parents to see this. And I am a man, not a girl. I just know how to be honest and respect others, not like Vawn. He is a disgrace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What the hell is up with this immature dude? I've never heard such a crock of shit. My dear Vawn, you have you no brain? Did your mother abuse you? Where are your values? You are a sorry excuse for a man! In fact, your not a man. Your a child. And you need to see a shrink. It makes me sad that guys like you is what's left for our daughters, looking for a decent man. You are a waste of space on this planet. I can't believe people actually listen to your f...up talks. Lol funny!
I think a lot of people are missing the point when it is so very clear. Vawn & Africa are just an example for a lot of the hickory dickory dock trickery that we see, whether or not people are dating, friends, friends with benefits, married, or whatever. Some people feel that because two people are just dating or are just friends that it somehow justifies having no common courtesy to each other. Excuse me, but, how am I supposed to grow with you without accountability, respect, trust, and honesty? Vawn wants to be free to see other women and not be in a commitment. Okay fiiiiine lol.
Let me give you a different scenario...
Me and my girls decide to meet up at a party. We mingle, dance, pour it up, drink, and giggle the night away. One friend says she is going to mingle a bit away from the group. The next thing we know we see her leaving with some dude, which is cool, but it isn't what she said.
The rest of us are feeling like what the heck like how do we know if she is getting home safely, are we going to get a text updating us, why is she sneaking away, what if something happens, and why not let us know you have different plans so that we're not in a panic about our friend.
Truth be told, male or female, I couldn't roll with someone like that because that shows lack of consideration. And, thank goodness, my friends and people I've dated have not done this to me because if I go somewhere with them or meet them somewhere, we almost always would leave together, or they let me know that they're leaving.
If you say you're an honest person, give me the satisfaction of such by being upfront and don't justify being sneaky, not knowing that I care, not knowing that I was watching, and just being friends to do things that hopefully really isn't that serious, but because you feel like I'm going to trip and cause a scene, you want to sneak around.
Give me the chance to be a good friend by being upfront with me by saying, "Look, I'm going to leave with this chick, Jane" or "Yo, I'm going to leave with this dude, John" so that I know you are leaving with Jane or John Doe. I don't need to know that you plan on getting it in for 2.5 hours from your walk-in closet to your deep freezer; trust me, I don't need to know the details lol.
On the flip side though. What if you come up missing or what if Jane murders your behind, but because you think I'm going to trip, I don't even know her name is Jane or didn't even see that you left? Do you guys see where I'm going with this? Or is it because he's a man it doesn't matter? Hopefully, his homeboys kept the texts that he said he was leaving with Jane, so when the police comes a knocking about his coming up missing, the first clue that they have is the text about Jane.
And, actually, I'm willing to put money on the fact that I bet Vawn told his male friends at the party that he was getting with shorty either before he left with her or texted them about her back at his place. But, he is supposed to be building a friendship with Africa, too, right? Hmmm, okay fiiiine lol.
Some people do get jealous, and some people feel like maybe they might get judged for wanting to have relations outside of commitments, but we need to give people a chance and not be so slick because you're so caught up in who's going to judge/be jealous that you fail to have discernment and see the bigger picture.
You speak clearly for multitudes of men who share your avocation for episodic events, not relationships I am reminded of a male friend that practiced a no strings attached policy too. Unfortunately, he discovered too late that his casual acquaintance had a very dark past and after making love to him, she set him on fire. His good looks have been replaced with a face that would not be envied by a monster. However one problem has been solved, my friend is no longer plagued by women who want a relationship.
Really?? You really give yourself too much credit. You are the typical cheater no matter how you try to reverse it. Please!!! only a idiot would fall for you!
Rude is rude. You should have informed Africa you might not go home with her. You didn't tell her because you wanted to leave your options open while she expected to be with you. If you didn't see anything then you would still have her to go home with. That's selfish, not dating casually. In addition it looks like you lose it next week Yawn, I mean Vawn. You tell your son one thing then you do just the opposite! Do as I say, not as I do. You are beginning to look more and more like a perp.
Vawn, there is no moral to your story; really you're just a typical guy; nothing special; doing the same shit most guys do. However, at your age you need to man up and grow up "emotionally". Until then, what's really good is that you deserve chicks like Alex - the fake classy chicks that look glam; and will give you all the fun you need. Enjoy playa
I might be the only person to actually like Vawn's approach. I take it as he is a single man and he is doing as he pleases. He is not making any promises to any of these women, in fact he is being brutally honest with them. When I was in my 20's I experienced an awful breakup, I decided I would "never" be in a serious relationship, until I was considering marriage. Those years were some of the best years of my life! I dated when I felt like it, but stuck strong to not getting attached to anyone for close to three years. A few of the men I met during that time really wanted a commitment from me but, I would not budge...until the day I met my husband. I knew on our first date, this was the man for me...this was the man I wanted commitment with. My point, Vawn is sticking to the whole "man whore" thing but who is to say he might eventually meet that one woman that changes his mind. It's probably not Africa because if it was, he wouldn't of left with that other woman at the club. From what I have seen Africa seems to be a very intelligent lady, she knew Vawn's way of thinking and even defended him when Emily had a few things to say about him. People shouldn't slam Vawn so much...there are a lot of men out there that promise women loyalty, devotion, faithfulness...those are the snakes in the grass types of men. Vawn hasn't promised anyone anything, from what I have seen other then no commitment. Sometimes when someone is so vocal about not committing it is because they really think how much it takes to remain faithful and they simply want to wait until they know they are 100% ready.
Exactly! He is honest and people are just bashing him for no good reason. People need to take personal responsibility! Instead they choose to bad mouth Vawn. Africa has no claim to Vawn. She has feelings for a man who told her that he wants to be a single guy. She expects Vawn to go to a party alone and leave with her. I mean who does she think she is? So she went out with him a few times that doesn't mean she owns him. Africa and Alex look stupid. People bashing Vawn when we clearly see him being a great father to his son is sickening. He's being crucified for being Honest about his needs. A lot of women could learn from this episode. We don't need a man to be happy and whole. Africa stopped enjoying her life when Vawn left with someone else. How stupid and insecure of her.
Africa may be the girl to show to your mother....buy you are not a man to be shown to her father.
who cares how MANY dates that you have been on, when you cross a line of intimacy that in itself is a boundary to be respected! I can't believe how much substance that you are working with and the recipe is all wrong... it really is whether you admit it or not. "Do your thing" does not mean what you want it to mean. That pretty face is looking real scary grill right now in all your explanations. The moral of the story is: Have some respect for genuine chemistry, have some heart in your indulgences, grow up.!
Stop it already! You’re a walking contradiction. Simply said, YOU ARE FULL OF IT! The best way to judge a person’s character is by their actions. Your actions tell us that you are simply a control freak that always has to be emotionally in control because you are afraid of emotionally losing control. You should write that in your book.
Awe your baby boy is beautiful. Not so sure about all other stuff tho, me heard it all before...
Vawn can't possibly be that bad of a man. Every time i see him and his son together on the show it makes me smile. He is obviously a good father and a great role model. There is no way that kid would be so well behaved, smart and charming if his father was a horrible, lying, loser like everyone keeps saying. He has never said a bad word about his son's mother. And obviously the mom is quite comfortable with her son spending plenty of time with his and wants him influencing him as a he grows into a man. Apparently there is another side to Vawn that this show is not showing us.
I think the key to your entire post is that you say you didn't know she was watching you. Why does that matter? If you did nothing wrong then it shouldn't matter if she was watching or not. That implies that you would have acted differently had you known, and discounts all your statements about honesty.
listen...your first date with Africa was at your house...by your design...very telling of your intent to sleep with her. The end of this first date was going to your bedroom...hello! you call that 'building friendship first'? DO not sleep with women if it is friendship. As much as you claim that you profess the behavior of trust and honesty...you don;t even know that women do grow emotional attachment when they open up sexually...news flash! being flirtatious is ok...but taking a women to sleep with in front of a girl you just started dating th one most telling thing about your ability to care for anyone feelings. No man stands taller than the one to get on his knees in front of a child...or a woman for that matter. Drop on your knees and apologize to Africa for slapping her in the face by walking away with another women as if Africa as a person, friend, lover. women meant nothing to you. You have to admit that being a gentlemen is out of your league.
Vawn, you need to stop trying to sell these wolf tickets to people. I for one am not buying your BS. You now know that you shot yourself in the foot on the show by trying to be a player and now you see that nobody is buying your book, so you are trying to act like you are really the misunderstood nice guy. How can you even open up your mouth and say that you didn't know that Africa didn't care about you that much. You knew that she was really into you, even if she told you or not. And does your definition of a "friend" also include respect? Because you definitely did not show Africa any respect at all. I would never want to be a "friend" of yours. You are just a guy that thinks you are God's gift to women, so just own it, but don't try to play on the viewer's intelligence with these wolf tickets that you are trying to sell just because you are trying to get people to buy your book. You made your bed...now lay in it.
Swanie The show was filmed and edited months ago. If you had not noticed it's winter time on the show and they are wearing coats. It's still warm in Atlanta right now. They don't change up the episodes based on the sale of his book or how people felt about the last episose. Plus, the book has been on sale on Amazon for like a year. Pay attention to details. You sound extra dumb.
Vawn, I was having trouble following your post. It seems convoluted and I detect a pattern of justification that is many layers deep You put everything on the other person but seem to feel you have no responsibility to make sure that you protect the feeling of someone YOU "care" about. When you care, you take the time to make sure the other person is OK. You don't disavow until they reassure you first. You disavowed Africa's feelings by saying, "i didn't know she cared," thereby giving you license to basically "dis" her. This is some kind of defense mechanism. You're telling us that someone in your past made you feel that they didn't really care and you developed a pattern of tricking yourself into believing you're just being honest. And your memory of your father's action of putting the shades on you is what you attached to. So, your post tells us a lot about your psychology, but you're really shielding your tender emotions by adapting a cavalier and highly justified behavior to protect your own vulnerability in my opinion. But you post did reveal more than you realized. Good luck to you finding your authentic Vawn and disavowing the one who is constantly on the defense and running from his own vulnerability. Remember, honesty starts with the self first. To quote Shakespeare in Hamlet: "This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man."
Blossomthyme I don't know. Africa told Vawn to go on and " do you." She knows he is dating other women and told him to go ahead and do so. So she should not be surprised at all to see him leave with another girl. It may hurt her feelings but oh well. If that's if the case she needs to tell him that she wants to be more serious. Not that that will help, because he already told her he was not ready for a relationship. I can't blame anyone but Africa in this situation. It's up to Africa to nip that situation in the bud and move on. Vawn is not selling her dreams of marriage and monogamy. He may see good in her but if he ain't ready he ain't ready. If they continue to date she is completely aware of what she signed up for so she better take it like a champ.
It's one thing to know someone you care about is seeing other people - it's another to see it.
asiababy I think both of our views are correct. You are seeing it from the logical and obvious side of things based on his actions. And I totally agree, Africa has no choice but to suck it up. I am speaking of what MADE Vawn the way he is. And his noticeable lack of a moral compass. Just because you are free to see whoever you want, doesn't justify treating good people you call your friend in an unethical manner. It's just very dishonorable and hard to watch. I see someone who is basically replaying his reaction to the emotional hurt he experienced from someone he perceived did not show they cared about him and he is not in touch with it. Maybe if he reads his blog, he might learn something new.
Vawn, Vawn, Vawn.... What do you mean you didn't know Africa cared for you. You pull her tongue out in public, caressed her in public, you held her hand in public and you are not sure about her feeling? Are you crazy? Do you think I would allow my friend to shower me with affection in public if I didn't have some sort of feelings towards my friend? Look man.. you have garnered enough hatred on this show, apologize to the lady for your rude and disrespectful behavior. Africa is a beautiful woman and you know it. She cares for you and you also know it. The night at the party you danced and kissed her, what was that, a joke? The scene at the gym you said Africa is a woman you could take to your mom, what the hell is all of this? The whole thing about this scene is you knew she was around and the least you could have done is show her some respect considering you guys are spending a lot of time together. She deserves better and if you cannot give her better, leave her alone.
kaysum If she deserves better maybe you should be telling Africa that not Vawn. She is free to stop dating him when ever she wants. I'ts not like he is holding a gun to her head telling her she has to put up with him. She must be getting something out of it and it must be pretty darn good.
Vawn for someone who claims to be a relationship expert you still have a lot of work to do!!
piperbeau He never said he was an expert. He said he wants to give us insight into how men think so we can know how to better deal with them. He said like a million times that he still has a lot of work to do shaping himself into the man he wants to be. It's like people hear what they want to hear.
@vv76 @piperbeau .. I think Vawn is in no position to tell anyone how men think either.. Most men are way more evolved in his age group. It's a fail either way.
vv76 He sure does have a lot of work to do on himself!! Maybe I used the wrong wording! I will give you that.. He never claimed to be a relationship expert.. But he still doesn't know how to treat woman!! Who goes on a date with a beautiful intelligent woman and flirts with another??! an amateur......
What happened to honesty Vawn? You told Africa you were going to mingle and then left the party LMFAO Who does that???!!!
Vawn you pride yourself on being honest, but no where in your blog did you take responsibility for your actions. You are lying to yourself and when you say you didn't kno Africa cared that much. I don't live in ATL and I can tell by the way she looks at u that she cares DEEPLY. if you are all about being HONEST, the least you could have done was tell Africa, "hey, I see my 'friend'... We are gonna get on outta here." On the next episode you asked Africa, "What do I owe you?!" Sir, it's called decency and respect. If Africa is your friend, the least you could have done was show her that. Seems like there is a flaw in your relationship theory...
Phurst_Lady_O He was honest when he He told her he did not want to be in a relationship. Meaning, I don't want to have to answer to you for my very action. I don't want to have to tell you what i'm doing and where I'm going all the time. And I want to be free to date and come and go with who ever I like. Duh! All of that accountability eveeryone wants him to have comes with being in a relationship. Which they are not.