Vawn Has Grown and Changed

Vawn shares how the show changed his perspective, why he rejected Alex, and what about him you still need to learn.

Vawn's Final Thoughts. . .

I'm happy to have made it this far, but I'm sad to know that it's over so quickly! There are so many people to thank, but I want to start by thanking God for giving me the power to believe in my passion and pursue my dreams. I would also like to thank Eastern TV, Mona Scott Young, Bravo, and everyone who worked on the show. Without you giving me this opportunity, none of this would be possible. So thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Now on to the final episode!

I was really upset about Tribble's actions at my town hall meeting. What he did was very disrespectful. He interrupted the meeting more than once, grabbed a microphone, and said things that were inappropriate -- and then put his hands on me more than once. It was not even his event, and it was not his place to behave in that manner. For myself, I could have handled the situation differently. I'm growing everyday. But I did give Tribble several passes. I tried to be the bigger man, but he pushed me to the point of no return.

After watching this episode, I'm still upset at myself for my actions. To see Tribble and Emily say they don't understand why I was upset was crazy to me! Deep down inside Tribble knew he was wrong, and Emily knew he was wrong too.

When I got to the Lipstick Junkies rehearsal, Tribble texted Africa saying he wanted to talk to me. I didn't know what to do. I was having an inner battle, but I accepted the offer. I didn’t know what to expect from myself.

Walking outside and seeing Tribble, my feelings were inflamed once again. As he talked, I listened. I was a man of very few words. I was ready to react -- good or bad. The grown man in me started to come out, and I began to think about my son; I thought about myself, and how many mistakes I had made. As he continued to talk, he disarmed me because I felt that he was truly sincere. I'm glad that I decided to take the high road. The old me would not have listened and only reacted with my pride. I thank God for my growth, and I thank Tribble for being honest about his actions, and apologizing to me. I don’t know if we could ever be cool at this point, but we can definitely be cordial.

I visited Alex as she took a break from studying. I was surprised that she called me, but I took the opportunity to show her my appreciation for checking on me after the fight. When she and Africa fought, I didn't check on her, so what she did meant something to me and I just wanted to let her know.

On to Africa's show. . .

I was excited for Africa and glad to be a part of the show. I couldn't wait to hear the song the Jazzy, Gasner, and myself wrote for the Lipstick Junkies performance. It was great! They sounded great, the band was rocking, and everyone on stage looked nice! This is what it's about! When Africa dropped the mic, I watched closely to see what she would do. How would she handle a mistake onstage, on TV, in life? Pick it up and keep going!

In the midst of the show, I looked down at my phone to see Alex texting me. She wanted me to come to the back. I didn't know what I should do, but I felt like it was time to get some clarity in our friendship. As I walked down the steps, I didn't know what to expect. I was surprised to see her in a limo, with flowers and champagne. . .she looked nice. I love a confident woman who knows what she wants, and during our last conversation she seemed very sincere. This made my decision tough, but it was the perfect time for me to make a grown man decision.

This is a young lady who is pouring everything out to me. I didn't know what to believe because she likes to play games, but when she looked at me, she seemed very sincere. I wanted to let Alex know that I appreciated her efforts, and what she did was flattering. However, I gave my word to Africa. Even though Africa and I are just friends, I didn't want to see tears run down her face again. I knew this would destroy her. The last time I hurt her, it was a grey area for me. This time, I knew exactly how she would feel if I did this tonight. But as the man that I am, when I give my word, I mean it. So I had to respectfully decline.

I've learned so much about myself while watching the show. Even though you are honest and upfront with someone, they can change their feelings at any moment because they haven’t experienced those feelings in 3D. I was confronted with another inner battle: Jevon doing the right thing, versus Vawn being single and doing what he wants to do. I do have that right, but once you hear your friend's pain, it's time to step up and make better choices. Man, I knew Alex was upset and I felt bad, but Africa is worth more than just one night. I had to put my friend's feelings in front of my lust. I was thinking about the future, and building our friendship.

I'm thankful that I had the opportunity to grow in front of the world. I am not perfect, and I don't claim to be. I have been hurt before, and I've hurt before. When it comes to relationships, it's hard to figure out the right thing to do, but I’m glad that the world got to see some of my good, bad, and my controversial actions. . .I hope someone learned from those actions, as I did.

I thank you for all of your Tweets and your messages on Instagram. Without your commentary, none of this would be possible. Your opinions (good and bad) give me more information to grow and expand my mind, and material for my new book! I can't make everyone happy. What I will strive to do, is make sure that I make a difference by being honest about what I am, who I am and what I will become. You didn't get to the know the real Vawn on the show, but over time I hope you will get to know more about me and my intentions. I'm learning and growing everyday. It's all for a better Jevon!

One person, who shall remain unnamed, hugged and cried on my shoulder, and wrote me letters that said that my book changed her life. She told me that she tried to kill herself after a bad breakup. She read my book and it rejuvenated her love for life, and love for herself. Baby girl, you are never alone! God will always love you and don't ever let anyone say that you're not worth life, and you're not beautiful because you are! Smiles and hugs for you!

I will miss you all, and I will miss my cast-mates! Until Season 2. . .

God Bless!

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Africa's Amazing Ride on #NewAtlanta

Africa updates you on her "friendship" with Vawn, shares her thoughts on Alex, and what this season meant to her.

I can't believe we're at the end! It has definitely been a "journey" and I've learned a lot and literally seen myself in a whole new way. I'm still getting used to my life playing out in such a public way. With that said, at the end of this season I can say that I've enjoyed it all and enjoyed the interaction and feedback from all of you.

So now let's get into the episode.

I left the hotel the night before worried if Vawn was OK. The next morning he came by my house to talk and while I knew he was still upset I was glad that he had started to cool down. I understood how he felt but also hoped that it would be resolved.

When I got Tribble's text I didn't know how it was going to all play out. I never really knew how the conversation outside went until I saw this episode. All I knew is that Vawn said Tribble apologized and that it was done. I respect that they have differing opinions but glad that Tribble apologized and they can move on.

The rest of rehearsal was great! I feel like so much focus has been on my personal life, and I'm glad to finally get to show more of what I really do and love. The band sounded phenomenal and Monica and Megan and I were putting the final touches on the show. I was nervous about our new song from Vawn, Jazze, and Gas because they were going to be front and center at the show and I was still working out all the kinks. But that is what rehearsal is for!

Smith's Olde Bar is an institution on the live music scene in Atlanta. I'm so honored that we've been able to (now) play multiple shows there. All of the booking agents, staff, sound engineers, and light techs have been wonderful and our entire cast thanks you very much. This sound check was WAY better than our last one!

I'd also like to clarify something about The Lipstick Junkies. . .we are not a singing group or a girl group. The full title of our show is The Lipstick Junkies featuring Black Caviar and The Ray of Sunshine. It is a 12 person production that was created by the three of us. Monica, Megan, and myself are the creators and executive producers and Monica is our writer/director. We have poured our talents, time, and finances into this show and I couldn't be more proud of where we have come since our preview show many months ago.

My career has taken many twists and turns and I'm thankful that I'm able to support myself solely as a working performer, actress, and model. I do feel like I am at the right place at the right time with the right people. Moni and Megan are not just my partners but my REAL friends. We support each other, we protect each other, and I do believe that we have something very special with the Lipstick Junkies show. It was interesting to know that Emily finds it hard to be my friend sometimes. Monica and Megan and I work, travel, create, and rehearse together and have never spoken to each other the way she spoke to Emily 2. Maybe I should ask Emily 2 if it is hard for her to be Emily's friend sometimes??? Anyway. . .

Now on to the show! The place was packed and I felt super nervous but ready to go. The energy of the room was electric and the band sounded amazing! We are backed by The Good Times Brass Band. . .these guys have played for everyone in the business and I'm proud to call them colleagues and friends.

And yes I totally had my "show must go on" moment when I dropped my microphone LOL! But you keep it moving! The rest of the show went off without a hitch and we were all on Cloud 9.

When I am on stage I'm in a zone so I didn't realize Vawn had left until the end when I was in the crowd hugging Jazze. I had no clue what was going on in the alley so while I thought it was strange he had disappeared I didn't give it much thought because I was still on my high from the show. We were partying and there was that massive cake.

Now that I do know what was happening I feel like this. . .in that moment it was about their choices not mine. My castmate (in her words) was going to show Vawn that she was the "number one" pick, so she chose to show up and ask him to leave. Vawn had to choose to leave or stay at my show. I'll say again that when Vawn came back inside I didn't know where he had been or why. When I asked him and he said it was nothing I took it as that and went on with my night.

How could I have known ALL of that was going down in the alley??? But again they both made their choices and it is what it is. I'm not going to bash my castmate about it because it isn't neccessary. I didn't "win" anything and in my eyes what Vawn chose in that moment had more to do with him than me. He chose to keep his word and take my feelings and our friendship info account and I appreciate that. There is nothing surprising or shocking to me about that.

I know that many of you feel I've been dumb, stupid (your words LOL), and waaay to easy on Vawn. Here's the thing, I have been blind, deaf, and dumb for love in my life. . .we all have. But not in this situation. I'd like to clear this up as well. I did not fall in love nor am I in love with Vawn. This entire season everyone from viewers to my castmates has called Vawn my man and my boyfriend. . .except me. We are friends.

I also accept that your perceptions of me and my decisions are based on snippets and moments. Do I care about him? Absolutely. Over the course of this show and since we've finished we've continued to get to know each other and he's become one of my closest friends and the best "non-relationship" I've ever had. Right now I am focused on my life and happiness and figuring out what I want and what will make me happy and work for me. Maybe Vawn will factor into that and maybe he won't. I don't know what the future holds for us. I do know that if you could see the real scope of our friendship outside of the moments and snippets you've seen you would be VERY surprised. Hmm. . .maybe I should write a book?! LOL

I know this blog is loooooong, but since it is the last one I wanted to make sure I addressed as much as possible. This has been an amazing ride for me. . .even with the highs and lows. I grew up painfully shy (and to some degree still am), so being a part of this show was a way for me to start overcoming that fear. . .the fear of messing up, fear of making mistakes, of being judged. I've realized though there is no avoiding all of that. I will mess up, I will make mistakes, I will be judged. . .and it is OK.

Thanks to filming this show and facing those fears I've gained a confidence I never would've had before. I'm excited about the next phase of my life and look forward to sharing it with you. I know that my story has resonated with many of you and I appreciate ALL of the comments (good and not so good). I don't have all the answers and I'm here trying to figure it out with all of you watching.

Thank you to Mona Scott-Young, Stefan Springman, and all of the producers (hey Angela, Davis, Jennifer, Michael!), staff and crew at Eastern TV for taking such good care of me. It's been a wonderful opportunity, but more than that it has been a chance to grow in a way that I never would've been able to do with out it -- so thank you! Thank you to everyone at Bravo for welcoming me into the family. To Vawn, Sincerely, Emily, and Tribble -- we survived! And to all of you. . .the biggest "Thank You" of all. Our stories were nothing without you to watch them.

Until we meet again.


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