Phaedra Parks

Phaedra talks relationships and explains her love language.

on Oct 15, 20100

The focal point of this week's episode is friendship, parenting, and marriage. Each of these relationships involve merging two wholly different entities into a one unified bond. They require work, tolerance, commitment, and compromise. Just as Rome wasn't built in a day, neither are great relationships. 

In this episode, Kim and Kandi are working together as friends. Kandi's love for Kim gives her the strength and support she needs to realize her dream of becoming a great performer. As parents, NeNe and Sheree use their personal wisdom to guide their children. Sheree's motherly love and advice to her daughter gives her daughter the courage she needs to begin her voyage as an adult. Apollo and I are working on our marriage and discussing our views on parenting styles.

Relationships work best when both parties have realistic expectations and goals. But, since none of us are realistic all the time, I guess that's why marriage counselors and divorce attorneys have steady business. In our counseling session, we discussed our own personal assessment results based on Gary Chapman's bestseller "The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate." Quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch are the five love languages detailed in the book. Like many women, my love language is gifts. I love giving them as much as I enjoy receiving them. My husband's love language is quality time which usually involves Sunday football. While everyone expresses their love based on what they need and require, if you thought learning Latin was hard, try the language of love. 

I never thought I would have to learn how to be in a loving relationship, I'm sure no one does, but anything worth having is worth working and fighting for. We are all unique individuals who by the nature of our age, race, religion, and experiences view things totally different even though we are looking at the same thing. Hence, the love speedway is full of bumps, curves, and hills. Relationships are a work in progress that require constant attention and care. While no union is perfect, just like no person is perfect, most deserve a chance. I am definitely giving my marriage a chance, because who knew learning could be so much fun! 

124 comments
PiperProsperous
PiperProsperous

Kim could use some parenting classes. Bless her heart.

achtungbaby
achtungbaby

In THIS day and age?? As ignorant as I think this woman is, she has done well for herself and makes a good living. Why would she need to pay this man to marry her to "save face" for procreating out of wedlock? That is ridiculous.

She Is Her Own Person
She Is Her Own Person

I do not believe that she is a racist, I just think that she is as us southern people say "uppity and bougie." It seems as though the second a little bit of change flowed into her pocket she thought that she knew everything about "the arts" and "racial culture," hense the dancers at her BABY SHOWER. So she attempts to pose as though she is up there with the Jones' and also make and create philosophic statements & quotes, failing to realize that she has about as much wisdom as an average eighteen year old fresh out of high school. She must think that she is the sharpest knife in the drawer and to me, that is not the case. She stikes me as an ignorant women who has her nose so far up in the air that her brain suffers from the lack of oxygen. I can not agree with the idea that she gives black women a bad name, for we each are our own individual and should be setting standards for ourselves, not for everyone else who may happen to look similar to us. Every one of our "flaws" should be respected as our own and not our ethnicities, religious cultures, or anything else the binds us together in groups. But who am I or anyone else to judge her, Ms. Parks is just not my cup of tea. Point blank

MissSuki
MissSuki

"Camp foods and canned goods"....If Kim said "fried chicken and watermelon" would she still be on the show? I don't understand how it's okay for her to make that statement about her HUSBAND, her child, and her husbands family and not publically apologize. Would we tell someone to just not watch the show is the get offended by the "N" word? HELL NO!

Trying to say face
Trying to say face

Ms. Parks paid Apollo to marry her so know one would know that she was knock up out wedlock. It's all just for show i don't think they even really love each other.

BLINK
BLINK

Why is everyone reading so much into Phaedra's comments? People really need to just relax and watch the show! At the end of the day, I respect people for being themselves. I am myself at all times! Yes, some of the things I do or I might say, might offend people. But I also believe it doesn't matter what you say or what you do...someone will be offended. You can not please EVERYBODY! I sometimes become offended by the things others may do or say. But, I have to step back and realize...they are just being who they are. I have to respect that because as for me...I'm myself and I don't like for people to try to shut me down.

So basically, if you are so offended by Phaedra's comments or actions, don't watch the show! That's REAL talk!

hobokengirl
hobokengirl

This is entertainment television and I am quite certain that people realize that. I do not think Phaedra is racist, I do however believe she is ignorant. Hopefully as her friend you can help her to become less small minded. As an officer of the court she is held to a higher standard. I am embarassed to call her a colleague.

ShameOnYou
ShameOnYou

Phaedra Parks' comment regarding her husband's culinary ignorance was both offensive and racist. She is so dumb that she blames his ignorance on his upbringing in a white household on "camp food and canned goods". How is it politically correct for her to imply that white people eat out of a can and don't understand "fine foods" (lol) like she says??? She needs to publicly apologize!!

Irishlass0414
Irishlass0414

I do not think she is racist. I think she choses her words wrong. She needs to think before she speaks. She comes off as snooty and bahooty. This makes her persona unattractive. She may be a sucessful attorney but she has an attitude problem. Remember attitude is everything. You can chew someone out with the right attitude and get results, but use the attitude she projects and it spells disaster. For all of you who "know" her, tell her to check it. She has signed a deal to put her life on TV.....she is not projecting well.

sd viewer6235
sd viewer6235

I didn't like how you sat at the head of the table, it's like you were trying to be the king :) just saying

sonyacn
sonyacn

Phaedra sitting at the head of table tripped me out.

AstroAstra
AstroAstra

Wishes we had this kind of outcry to the Tea Party. Phaedra, whatever you said can't trump 350 years of slavery, lynchings, rapes, etc. No one is ever up & arms about those injustices--or any current ones. And those were ACTS. Yours was a mere comment. We seem to be so thin-skinned on the benign yet thick-skinned/desensitized on the malignant. Hypocrites!

AstroAstra
AstroAstra

LOVES LOves LoVes Love your comment here. Great insight. You know what I think the issue is with folks' disdain regarding Phaedra? It's kinda the same as it was with another sista-attorney--Star Jones. Hmm...wonder if Phaedra is an Aries, too? I wouldn't be surprised. If she isn't--then it's strongly placed in her natal chart, somewhere. Trust.

But, like with Star, people can sense when you're, either consciously or not, mentally manipulating them into viewing your disposition as you WANT them to--hope they would, desperately NEED them to. That ego thing is so delicate yet warped. Most can see right through this. Rosie O'Donnell made a great remark about Star Jones once--no profanity, no name calling, she was calm...I think that's what made it so profound! The same applies here.

A woman's true virtue is really her silence, her calm, her composure. A person can read your character without narration--from the person.

nomoredrama
nomoredrama

I don't understand why every other post states "if a white person said this they would be a racist, the NAACP would be up in arms, people would demand an apology, boycott Bravo etc..." Well for those who are so incensed why don't you start the movement? If you are so violated why don't you call your reps and demand this so called southern belle be removed from television all together? For the record her comment was not cool at all but she is NOT the representative for women of color. She's a moron who signed up for a reality TV series. Maybe if viewers stopped making these house"wives" the representatives of the women they happen to look like so many of you wouldn't rake an entire race over the coals for stupid comments made by idiots.

LT from Dc
LT from Dc

I grew up with a white family and they cooked more southern than 65% of the black families that lived around us. As a matter of fact the black families ate out of the can and box more than we did. As a black woman I am embarrassed that you made that comment with no supporting evidence, I mean you are an attorney so you should know better than to make statements without supporting facts to back it..

MadgePadge
MadgePadge

Phaedra doesn't strike me as someone who would not be herself when the cameras are rolling. According to her, she is an "entertainment lawyer", which means she knows and hob knobs with some of Atlanta's best...She's a star and likes to be in the limelight.

When she comes to visit you and your husband in LA, be sure not to serve her any canned goods ~ as a matter of fact, you better hide the can opener. Remember us white folks do not want to subject a Southern Belle of her status to any low end, canned good, cooking.

Also, if you are planning on buying her a gift, be sure to call or email her personal assistant or stylist for a suggestion. She even preferred this as her recommended choice for her own husband too.

The person who should be getting the break is her husband ~ he is the one who looks uncomfortable and scared to death in front of the cameras. It's as though if he says the wrong thing, she is going to "whoop" his butt...I am saying Good Luck to the husband. I give it two years.

phys
phys

omg phaedra the canned food and packed meat comment had no relevance, im sure some people in all races do that.

but to all these people who ask why phaedra's comments weren't a big deal as opposed to a white woman saying it about a black family is very similar to the reason why we dont take a woman hitiing a man seriously, any group who was initially in a position of power and abused it can basically be talked about negatively by those who belonged to the abused group and its not a big deal. it is what it is and i dont think it will change. I dont think she meant for it to be that bad but she should think before she speaks next time.

I thought her love language was more ridiculous than anything. her husband said quality time and phaedra said gifts, isnt that fulfilling a very negative stereo type that this society has about black women already, that all we care about are superficial things. your not helping our case especially with you sitting at the HEAD OF THE TABLE!!!!!!!!!! WHOA!! i know you southern mom allowed you father to sit at the head of the table come on now that speaks volumes. girl take a chill pill and look at the more important things in life, otherwise divorce your husband and hold your shoes, jewelry and bags real tight at night since you love them so much.

Char561
Char561

Wasn't the canned food remark referring to when he was unfamiliar with the meal in front of him during their dinner party? I believe she meant that he's a man who likes his meals simple. My man would rather a porterhouse steak with some mashed potatoes and asparugus on the side then to have something that looks like a birds nest resting on an ounce of field greens. Most men I've met don't want to eat "art", they want hearty, familiar and to get to the point. As for the white household comment, she's by herself on that one. The man can't help how he was raised and you should embrace it instead of putting it down like its beneath your own upbringing.

Melle
Melle

Jesse, trust, I do not condone, what this fool said--and, you guessed it, I am a Black woman.

Babiegyrle
Babiegyrle

Actually I didn't think her comment was racist. I have friends of different races and some races do discipline their children different from african americans. I think that having a discussion about how they were going to raise their child is great. Could she have phrased it differently yes. Do I think that Phaedra meant any harm by it not at all

Keber
Keber

AMEN - THANK YOU!!!

Gracie1
Gracie1

Phaedra please remember that once words are spoken you can't get them back. No matter how much you apologize the damage is already done. It matters less with regard to the viewing public - but with your husband and eventually your child it matters greatly. Don't speak words to anyone that you'd find absolutely hurtful if they were said to you. Try counting to 10 before you speak in the future.

nj from nj
nj from nj

Gift giving is one of the love languages. Look it up.

So White = Good / Black = Bad
So White = Good / Black = Bad

Why watch "Reality TV" if you don't want "Reality?" In the REAL world people don't choose their words carefully around their friends and family. I'm sure you've said worse about white people so stop it.

Areyoukidding?
Areyoukidding?

Phaedra, Girl where do you get these ideas? My favorite is that your husband grew up in a "white house" and is not used to fine dining. Cause all us white folks eat out of a can. Are you kidding me?

boys1357
boys1357

Phaedra,

Your comments regarding your husband's upbringing were embarrassing! You need to be RE-EDUCATED.

Lynn s
Lynn s

Wow! This comment surprises me. Who would be jealous of that woman! Really?

LOL Tm8
LOL Tm8

Hahahahahahaha. Maybe Phaedra is better than Obama. Hahahahahahaha. Thanks for the good laugh Tm8!!!

jamp
jamp

bravo! well said.

NMHousewife
NMHousewife

You stole the words right outta my mouth!

Ms.KC
Ms.KC

I completely agree. She has made several rude comments about her husbands family heritage. That isn't how a "Southern Belle" should talk about people. I give them a year. If that. She talks down to him about everything.

purplepisces19
purplepisces19

what does voting for obama have to do with anything?

and why would we apologize...we are just stating, you are a proud woman with a supposed good background....so why make comments that make you look unintelligent?

Kgirl
Kgirl

Honey....not jealousy. Reality. I am educated and I have a career and I would never want to be Phaedra. Her comments were extremely offensive and she really does not belong anywhere near a television camera.

lulubell
lulubell

Maybe: Stacey from the DC housewives could invited you to her aunt's house for a traditional Sunday dinner that consists of love, warmth, friendship, laughter and most of all just plain good food.Enjoyed by all. Judging from the way you speak and talk this would be something you never experienced.Stacie is one beautifull southern lady. Lulu

JPinNJ
JPinNJ

A reasonable voice... thank God. I don't know who Phaedra grew up around. Thanks for setting her straight!

SCA317
SCA317

Obviously people are not aware that this is entertainment television. Phaedra is a great friend of my family. I am black and my husband is not only white but a Republican. When Phaedra comes to Los Angeles she always spends a few days with us in our house. When I am in Atlanta I stay with her. This woman is not the slightest bit racist. If you were in her life with her friends you would see the diversity and realize that the way her comments were edited didn't show her in the best light. She's funny and can be outrageous but racist?? Sorry, but that's not the case. Not sure any of us would always be our best selves with the cameras rolling nonstop. Give her a break.

Vikayla
Vikayla

People, people, don't you realize you're being set up? Bravo TV knows they have a winner with this one. This is the one they want you to hate. Trust me, you'll tune in next week to watch the one you love to hate. Every show has one. That's the shtick, get it?

I laughed while watching what is either bad acting or a soul-less woman who thinks she can put whipped cream over a pile of poo and call it class. My guess is that she's both.

sunnygalllll
sunnygalllll

You should be glad you had a chivalrous Southern man sitting with you at that dinner. You need to remove that attitude...

AvasMom
AvasMom

Ok first off you crack me up, your expressions are priceless. You know what you want and it is what it is, I respect that. On to a comment that you made that I found a little offensive, I am white and I don't eat food out of a can. We are an all organic household not a household full of wild animals eating canned meat! I'm pretty sure this comment wasn't made to be rude but it came off a little bit like that, also watch what your saying remember your husbands family may be watching this show. You seemed to have offended strangers what do you think you will do to them. Besides that you are great, love the two newest additions to the show!

Saints Sunflower
Saints Sunflower

I have not watched the episode last night and probably am cheating by reading the blogs, but I was just touched by what you wrote. My husband is currently deployed and while Friday everything was as great as can be expected today is another story. Your comments about working at relationships are so true. I needed to hear (read) that today. Thank you.