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The focal point of this week's episode is friendship, parenting, and marriage. Each of these relationships involve merging two wholly different entities into a one unified bond. They require work, tolerance, commitment, and compromise. Just as Rome wasn't built in a day, neither are great relationships.
In this episode, Kim and Kandi are working together as friends. Kandi's love for Kim gives her the strength and support she needs to realize her dream of becoming a great performer. As parents, NeNe and Sheree use their personal wisdom to guide their children. Sheree's motherly love and advice to her daughter gives her daughter the courage she needs to begin her voyage as an adult. Apollo and I are working on our marriage and discussing our views on parenting styles.
Relationships work best when both parties have realistic expectations and goals. But, since none of us are realistic all the time, I guess that's why marriage counselors and divorce attorneys have steady business. In our counseling session, we discussed our own personal assessment results based on Gary Chapman's bestseller "The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate." Quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch are the five love languages detailed in the book. Like many women, my love language is gifts. I love giving them as much as I enjoy receiving them. My husband's love language is quality time which usually involves Sunday football. While everyone expresses their love based on what they need and require, if you thought learning Latin was hard, try the language of love.
I never thought I would have to learn how to be in a loving relationship, I'm sure no one does, but anything worth having is worth working and fighting for. We are all unique individuals who by the nature of our age, race, religion, and experiences view things totally different even though we are looking at the same thing. Hence, the love speedway is full of bumps, curves, and hills. Relationships are a work in progress that require constant attention and care. While no union is perfect, just like no person is perfect, most deserve a chance. I am definitely giving my marriage a chance, because who knew learning could be so much fun!
I am half white and half hispanic and if my husband, who is white, ever insulted my hispanic heritage he would be in so much trouble. You need to respect your husband and treat him as your equal. And the comment you made about white people not being accustomed to "fine food" is absurd. Why don't you try getting to know some white people before you make generalizing statements like that.
I'm reading so much venom being spewed about you--here and there--and it's freaking hilarious, to me. You have a beautiful, honest, enigmatic spirit--the type people don't usually see on display, in the media. No pretense! Not to mention you are simply gorgeous, educated and have impeccable taste. Keep being you and best wishes on your marriage. Hang in there. ;-) The beginning, when building a solid foundation, can be extremely rough. Yet, once it's been established and it's solid--the real fun begins.
If one of the white housewives made a derogatory comment about the foods black people eat (i.e. collard greens), it would make national headlines and she'd be labeled a racist. Why is there a double-standard here where she can say whatever she wants. If she doesn't like black people, then Phaedra shouldn't have married someone bi-racial. Sounds like she has a nice man who appreciates the simple things in life, like spending time together. She is materialistic and going to ruin this relationship.
WOW....I really cant believe the way you talk to your husband and the way you talk about his family! I really hope they dont watch the show because I'm pretty sure you wont be invite to your in laws for some "canned food and packed meat"! You may have money, but you have no class and your certainly no "southern belle" because most "southern belles" can cook, work, be a good wife and mom all at the same time. Trust me I am one!!!
Just thought you would like to know that it is no secret to white people that others think we "smell like wet dogs". We are quite aware of that nonsense. White people are a part of the human race as well, and all of us no matter what color, ethnicity, religion etc. are susceptible to sweeping, and hateful generalizations.
And by the way. I personally don't expect anyone to be envious of me, nor do I think I am superior to anyone else.
We should stick to the topic at hand (Phaedra's liberal use of racial generalizations) rather than perpetuate mean and nasty comments.
Refined? Conceivably you may not have been offended but it's rather obvious that quite a few people were. I've never thought to write to a person to air my grievances about something said on one of these shows but as a bi-racial woman I felt inclined to do so. She ought to be ashamed of herself for not only belittling her husbands feelings on national television but for arrogantly assuming that it was due to his race as well. I've never eatten anything out of a can, nor would I feed canned food to my family. Apparently speaking unintelligibly about something as sensative as one's race wasn't something that was frowned upon in her household. Perhaps she should question her own upbringing.
Why is it that a black woman can say that white people eat canned foods and don't cook, but a white woman can't say that all black people feed their children fried chicken and Kool-Aid? That was the dumbest comment I've ever heard!
Phaedra, get over yourself!! I can cook wonderful meals for my family that do not come from a can, and I am white! Your racial comments are ignorant, and surely as the self procalimed southern bell that you are, you rmust have slept throught he manners portion of the class. BE thankful that you have a husband who truly loves you instead of putting him down all time, no matter of his race. BE thankful that you are given the blessing of having a child. Love that child, let that child run, talk, play, thats what children do!! That is what life is all about, not yoru bank account!!I really think that you should listen to Luanne's song, cuz money doesnt buy you class!! Maybe you and Stacy from DC should hang out.
Paedra, Watching you last night made me ashamed.. for both you and your parents (is your dad even in the picture? Probably not). You claim to be a classy, southern belle. You may think because you buy expensive items that you have also bought some class. That couldn't be further from the truth. Give it time. I'm sure you will end up like a lot of your counterparts in the Real Houesewives franchise.. filing for bankruptcy and broke. Watching you is like watching a poor black girl playing dress up in a white woman's world, putting on airs trying to fit in. Get back to your roots and start eating some collards and worry about making your husband happy. He seems to be about the only real thing you have in your life.
I agree, Beth48!! Phaedra, for someone who professes to have such class and elegance, you looked and sounded very low class tonight. I hope you have learned by re-watching this episode how you sound and come across, because you are NOT the cutesy Southern-Belle you believe you are. You are ignorant, rude, stuck-up, and quite frankly, difficult to watch. Andy Cohen, you better address this issue on the reunion show!!!!! Just as Kim (who I can barely stomach, too) was called out for a racist comment a few seasons ago about eating chicken with Nene, you better Phaedra out for this blatantly racist comment.
Wow. Can you imagine the flack Phaedra would get if the tables were turned? If she was white and her husband bi-racial, raised in a black household?
You've got a lot to learn if you continue to treat Apollo the way you do. Please don't say it's editing because the full and complete sentences you said were more than enough to get your point across. I'm personally not offended, but I feel bad for your husband who should be.
This Southern Belle thing is a crock. Southern Belle or not, a real woman with dignity and respect for her marriage would not talk to or treat her husband that way. Best of luck to you both and your new baby.
I have not watched the episode last night and probably am cheating by reading the blogs, but I was just touched by what you wrote. My husband is currently deployed and while Friday everything was as great as can be expected today is another story. Your comments about working at relationships are so true. I needed to hear (read) that today. Thank you.
Ok first off you crack me up, your expressions are priceless. You know what you want and it is what it is, I respect that. On to a comment that you made that I found a little offensive, I am white and I don't eat food out of a can. We are an all organic household not a household full of wild animals eating canned meat! I'm pretty sure this comment wasn't made to be rude but it came off a little bit like that, also watch what your saying remember your husbands family may be watching this show. You seemed to have offended strangers what do you think you will do to them. Besides that you are great, love the two newest additions to the show!
You should be glad you had a chivalrous Southern man sitting with you at that dinner. You need to remove that attitude...
People, people, don't you realize you're being set up? Bravo TV knows they have a winner with this one. This is the one they want you to hate. Trust me, you'll tune in next week to watch the one you love to hate. Every show has one. That's the shtick, get it?
I laughed while watching what is either bad acting or a soul-less woman who thinks she can put whipped cream over a pile of poo and call it class. My guess is that she's both.
Obviously people are not aware that this is entertainment television. Phaedra is a great friend of my family. I am black and my husband is not only white but a Republican. When Phaedra comes to Los Angeles she always spends a few days with us in our house. When I am in Atlanta I stay with her. This woman is not the slightest bit racist. If you were in her life with her friends you would see the diversity and realize that the way her comments were edited didn't show her in the best light. She's funny and can be outrageous but racist?? Sorry, but that's not the case. Not sure any of us would always be our best selves with the cameras rolling nonstop. Give her a break.
A reasonable voice... thank God. I don't know who Phaedra grew up around. Thanks for setting her straight!
Maybe: Stacey from the DC housewives could invited you to her aunt's house for a traditional Sunday dinner that consists of love, warmth, friendship, laughter and most of all just plain good food.Enjoyed by all. Judging from the way you speak and talk this would be something you never experienced.Stacie is one beautifull southern lady. Lulu
Honey....not jealousy. Reality. I am educated and I have a career and I would never want to be Phaedra. Her comments were extremely offensive and she really does not belong anywhere near a television camera.
what does voting for obama have to do with anything?
and why would we apologize...we are just stating, you are a proud woman with a supposed good background....so why make comments that make you look unintelligent?
I completely agree. She has made several rude comments about her husbands family heritage. That isn't how a "Southern Belle" should talk about people. I give them a year. If that. She talks down to him about everything.
Hahahahahahaha. Maybe Phaedra is better than Obama. Hahahahahahaha. Thanks for the good laugh Tm8!!!
Your comments regarding your husband's upbringing were embarrassing! You need to be RE-EDUCATED.
Phaedra, Girl where do you get these ideas? My favorite is that your husband grew up in a "white house" and is not used to fine dining. Cause all us white folks eat out of a can. Are you kidding me?
Why watch "Reality TV" if you don't want "Reality?" In the REAL world people don't choose their words carefully around their friends and family. I'm sure you've said worse about white people so stop it.
Phaedra please remember that once words are spoken you can't get them back. No matter how much you apologize the damage is already done. It matters less with regard to the viewing public - but with your husband and eventually your child it matters greatly. Don't speak words to anyone that you'd find absolutely hurtful if they were said to you. Try counting to 10 before you speak in the future.
Actually I didn't think her comment was racist. I have friends of different races and some races do discipline their children different from african americans. I think that having a discussion about how they were going to raise their child is great. Could she have phrased it differently yes. Do I think that Phaedra meant any harm by it not at all
Wasn't the canned food remark referring to when he was unfamiliar with the meal in front of him during their dinner party? I believe she meant that he's a man who likes his meals simple. My man would rather a porterhouse steak with some mashed potatoes and asparugus on the side then to have something that looks like a birds nest resting on an ounce of field greens. Most men I've met don't want to eat "art", they want hearty, familiar and to get to the point. As for the white household comment, she's by herself on that one. The man can't help how he was raised and you should embrace it instead of putting it down like its beneath your own upbringing.
omg phaedra the canned food and packed meat comment had no relevance, im sure some people in all races do that.
but to all these people who ask why phaedra's comments weren't a big deal as opposed to a white woman saying it about a black family is very similar to the reason why we dont take a woman hitiing a man seriously, any group who was initially in a position of power and abused it can basically be talked about negatively by those who belonged to the abused group and its not a big deal. it is what it is and i dont think it will change. I dont think she meant for it to be that bad but she should think before she speaks next time.
I thought her love language was more ridiculous than anything. her husband said quality time and phaedra said gifts, isnt that fulfilling a very negative stereo type that this society has about black women already, that all we care about are superficial things. your not helping our case especially with you sitting at the HEAD OF THE TABLE!!!!!!!!!! WHOA!! i know you southern mom allowed you father to sit at the head of the table come on now that speaks volumes. girl take a chill pill and look at the more important things in life, otherwise divorce your husband and hold your shoes, jewelry and bags real tight at night since you love them so much.
Phaedra doesn't strike me as someone who would not be herself when the cameras are rolling. According to her, she is an "entertainment lawyer", which means she knows and hob knobs with some of Atlanta's best...She's a star and likes to be in the limelight.
When she comes to visit you and your husband in LA, be sure not to serve her any canned goods ~ as a matter of fact, you better hide the can opener. Remember us white folks do not want to subject a Southern Belle of her status to any low end, canned good, cooking.
Also, if you are planning on buying her a gift, be sure to call or email her personal assistant or stylist for a suggestion. She even preferred this as her recommended choice for her own husband too.
The person who should be getting the break is her husband ~ he is the one who looks uncomfortable and scared to death in front of the cameras. It's as though if he says the wrong thing, she is going to "whoop" his butt...I am saying Good Luck to the husband. I give it two years.
I grew up with a white family and they cooked more southern than 65% of the black families that lived around us. As a matter of fact the black families ate out of the can and box more than we did. As a black woman I am embarrassed that you made that comment with no supporting evidence, I mean you are an attorney so you should know better than to make statements without supporting facts to back it..
I don't understand why every other post states "if a white person said this they would be a racist, the NAACP would be up in arms, people would demand an apology, boycott Bravo etc..." Well for those who are so incensed why don't you start the movement? If you are so violated why don't you call your reps and demand this so called southern belle be removed from television all together? For the record her comment was not cool at all but she is NOT the representative for women of color. She's a moron who signed up for a reality TV series. Maybe if viewers stopped making these house"wives" the representatives of the women they happen to look like so many of you wouldn't rake an entire race over the coals for stupid comments made by idiots.
LOVES LOves LoVes Love your comment here. Great insight. You know what I think the issue is with folks' disdain regarding Phaedra? It's kinda the same as it was with another sista-attorney--Star Jones. Hmm...wonder if Phaedra is an Aries, too? I wouldn't be surprised. If she isn't--then it's strongly placed in her natal chart, somewhere. Trust.
But, like with Star, people can sense when you're, either consciously or not, mentally manipulating them into viewing your disposition as you WANT them to--hope they would, desperately NEED them to. That ego thing is so delicate yet warped. Most can see right through this. Rosie O'Donnell made a great remark about Star Jones once--no profanity, no name calling, she was calm...I think that's what made it so profound! The same applies here.
A woman's true virtue is really her silence, her calm, her composure. A person can read your character without narration--from the person.
Wishes we had this kind of outcry to the Tea Party. Phaedra, whatever you said can't trump 350 years of slavery, lynchings, rapes, etc. No one is ever up & arms about those injustices--or any current ones. And those were ACTS. Yours was a mere comment. We seem to be so thin-skinned on the benign yet thick-skinned/desensitized on the malignant. Hypocrites!