The underlying theme of tonight's episode is getting and having exactly what you want. Although each of us want vastly different things, we all share the common desire of wanting to improve ourselves and to be better women. Sheree wants a new relationship, while NeNe wants to change her physical appearance. Kandi wants a great album and to be paid for her work. Kim wants to be a successful artist. While I want a lot of things, tonight's focus is on my desire to have an extraordinary baby shower as well as a husband who doesn't have children so that we can experience parenthood together for the first time.
In order for us to achieve our desires, we must first know exactly what it is we want. Secondly, we must be able to afford our desires or be willing to work for them. However, no matter which road we travel to reach our final destination, we should never be apologetic for wanting the best for ourselves. Historically, there was a time when women had limited choices, but thanks to women like Susan B. Anthony, Billy Jean King, Eleanor Roosevelt, Oprah Winfrey, Hillary Rodham Clinton, Harriet Tubman, Evita Peron, and Michelle Obama, we can have whatever we like! These women all dared to be different and challenged societal norms. They were trailblazers who weren't afraid of controversy; they had a vision and realized their work would open doors for others to follow behind them.
Despite the critical nature of the show, we must ask: Why do we criticize each other when we all want the same thing -- to be better? Is it wrong to value yourself or enhance your worth, whether it be through plastic surgery, education, or hard work? I hope not. Because if you don't value yourself and believe in your ability, who will? If you work hard you should be proud of your accomplishments.
I will never be ashamed of my tenacity and commitment to education, because I realize people fought and died so that I would have the opportunity to go to high school, attend college, and graduate from law school. My journey wasn't easy, but I had a vision and was willing to work hard for it. Unfortunately, as this episode shows, when women speak of their accomplishments they are viewed as arrogant or "their own cheerleader." Interestingly enough, I was a cheerleader in high school (a spunky spitfire, if I may say so myself), so it was comical to hear that statement. Indeed we should all be our own biggest cheerleaders. Ironically, when men speak of their accomplishments they are characterized as being confident. Why are standards different for women? I went to school for 20 years and maintained a job throughout my undergraduate and law school matriculation. No one gave me any handouts, extra help, or preferential treatment. Hence, I will never be ashamed of my degrees -- I earned them. Slogans like, "Mission accomplished," "dreams realized," "Girl power and sisterhood," will never be truthful as long as we continue to be catty and critical of each other.
You are DEFINITELY in a league of your own! And the shower? Escorts, an announcer, ballerinas, hats, gloves, tea, a curtsy and the waltz? Goodness, my head was spinning! I can now see why Apollo didn't want to participate, and who could blame him?! And just so you know, I am a REAL Southern Belle with values and morals, I'm just not as over the top as you are; Blessings Phaedra.
Me too! You are not supposed to do your best Chilly Willy dancing the waltz impression at your baby shower. That's just insane!
Seriously?! You are a mess... You are so over the top that it's comical! Do they pay you extra to be this...boughetto? LOL Cut the crap about how other women paved the way, yada, yada, yada. yes, they did and I will be forever grateful as well. HOWEVER, I do not constantly talk about the degrees I have earned (I have 2) and how hard I work in my career. ACTIONS speak louder than words. And I'm WAY more proud of my kids and husband than I EVER will be of my own accomplishments. Try putting others first sometime-
Pleaseeee....take your own advice and stop making insulting comments about your castmates. Please stop sticking up your nose at your own spouse. He speaks and your expressions are so rude. If you are thankful for him, stop criticizing him and be a loving, supportive wife. Your husband speaks with good common sense and seems to be a down to earth person. Dwight makes you look really bad... loose the leech. The shower....... okay enough said!
It is not that your accomplishments intimidate other women. It is that you are condescending. You judge other's life styles, but do not have the courage to hear criticisms about yourself. You're a braggart and judgmental - don't expect to build a fan following unless you do something soon to endear us to you.
You really should meet Michele (RHODC) and Danielle (RHONJ) - I think that you three are the only ones who will willingly buy into each others spins on the truth.
I am in complete agreement with Logan M. and I am a true Soutehrn Belle. (First off I would die if my circle knew I even watched some of this show! but I admit I was curious about the ladies represented us SB's) I'm appaled to say the least. This is the best Atlanta has to offer? Are you serious BRAVO. There are ladies who live their who are of class. I've never seen a more hideous baby shower in my life. Miss Phaedra, you married an excon- really? You can't fake real class and bloodlines.
You do realize that you're ridiculous, right? OK, now that wasn't very nice of me. I apologize. But as I watched you (really ALL of the RHOA, but you in particular), all I could say was: ridiculous. Here's the thing Phae, I feel you...as women (particularly women of color), we need to support each other, not tear each down. But hear me out, I'd like to think that a woman truly comfortable with and confident in who she is and her, yes, fabulous accomplishments would not need to flagrantly assert them to anyone around. Repeatedly. Or to purposefully, but somehow ignorantly at the same time, go on and on about how one woman's choice (a woman sitting across from you, mind you), is beneath you. Wow. A real Southern Belle, huh? And BTW, no judgement or nasty comments here about Apollo's criminal past, as many have. But, check yourself. If he hasn't already, your attitudes and actions will have that brother steppin'...to another woman or right back to prison just to get a breather.
Even though I would not have made the choices you did for the shower, I give you Kudos. I am an educated woman myself and love the fact that you are able to have such a beautiful life! To each his own. Your blog was well written.
You are hilarious! I had such a good laugh while watching you in this weeks episode . . . . but maybe it was because I was raised in a white household. LOL! LOL!
As a new cast member, I just don't understand why you have a need to come on the show and try to out do the others. You talk about all of your castmates and then turn around and put your foot in your mouth. You claim to be super religous but, your best friend is gay. I guess this is the ATL!!! How can you call someone who is a model ugly. Come on now we are all beautiful in our own way. Get real with yourself....
I do find your blogs ridiculous with all these speeches. I wish you would love yourself enough and be confident in yourself to just be yourself. You have accomplished a great deal I give you that but you still seem to harbor a lot of insecurities. I also detect some pride and envy in you which is just not cute. How else would you explain this picture you are trying to paint of the perfect Southern Belle. Lose all the nonsense and maybe you will become likable. You do not need to put on airs. It just screams insecurity. I do like your name though.
Although your husband has a criminal record, he is looking better and better compared to you. I will say that if I had to choose (and I hope I don't), I would prefer a man with other kids than one with a criminal record but to each his/her own.
I so agree with your philosophy. I think it is your baby shower, why not have it an experience to be enjoyed by all? I can't tell you how many times I had to go to baby showers, hated every minute of it, and dreaded the thought of any of my friends to get pregnant so I would have to go? I think yours would have been fun. Keep on being yourself! Good for you.
All I gotta say is do you. IF it makes YOU happy do it. Who cares what anyone else will think? It was your shower so if you wanted freaking elephants or whatever there, then thats what you wanted. Last time I checked, you were having the baby not them. People should keep their ignorant comments to themselves. IF you are invited someplace and then take time out to trash the place you were invited, thats not cool. Phaedra you're awesome and just continuing doing whatever it is that makes you happy!!
I laughed so much I cried! Was it over the top? Yes. But, just what I needed especially on a Monday Night..... Hysterical!!
You really need to understand that the comments and generalizations you have made about white people. Generally i find you likable and all but own it you were wrong and you know the sky would fall if you were white and made those comments about black people. Reverse racism is a huge problem today and maybe you cant see it cause you are black.
This much I will say, Yes you have accomplished much in your life and that is no small task. However.... girl you have got to come down off this cloud you are on. Being the bell of the ball...and all... It would seem as though you watched the old shows and figured... you would come in there and show people how its REALLY done in ATL... I love my ATL housewives and you do bring some much needed drama to the show.. but please come on keep it real, not surreal. Ending on a positive note... I do LOVE your makeup... I hope you redeem yourself cause I think you could be a wonderful friend if you weren't trying to show everyone else up.
You ROCK Phaedra!!! Thank you for being a true lady. You have represented Athens, Ga very well and we all appreciate your class. Intelligence is a breath of fresh air on reality TV these days. Keep up the good work representing the Classic City. JAH
I hope your baby look like your husband, he is a very handsome man. I think you owe Cynthia's fiance' an apology for all the degrading remarks you made in the Limo. You really need to climb down off of that high horse you are sitting on honey, no matter how you sugar coat it your husband is an Ex-Con. You are no better than any of the other cast members. It is very much ok to be proud of your accomplishments but child you take it beyond being proud. You guys are still newlyweds with your first child soon to arrive, don't you think it strange that your husband cared not to be a part of the baby shower? Let me tell you why, he didn't care for the over the top best baby shower ever you had planned. You are an embarrassment to him with your I have arrived, superficial, over the top, my boo boo don't stink attitude. I hope this will be your 1st and last season on the show. You need to remember, the same people you met going up the ladder; are the same ones you meet coming down. If you want to save your marriage you had better make some changes, and FAST!!!!!
All I can say is wow! You are your own biggest fan! LOL, do you girl (cause I doubt that anyone else can).
It's okay to be proud of your accomplishments. If you don't believe in you, no one else should. But bragging is bad look for male and female alike!!!!
Honey child, Those rhinestones on the eyes and that waltz were just too hilarious for me! However, I don't think anyone can fault you for wanting what you want. Hell, you worked hard for your money and it was YOUR Baby shower, so have whatever you want. So what if it was a little countrified and bourgeoisie at the same time. You looked like you had a good time, I had a good laugh watching it and the expressions on people's faces. If you enjoyed it, that's all that really matters.
It's not that we are judging you, it's just that all you do is talk about yourself and what you do and have done. And if it's about girl power why would you openly diss another woman's man? I was wondering if you are so high class and so wealthy why you arrived in a dress that I have & got from Target for $20?!! LOL I do love Target though.
K well said I absolutely agree with every thing you wrote. And even though I thought your shower was over the top and a little silly, you are right about doing things they way you want. There's a lot of things I do at my own party's that I'm sure people would think is silly etc but I would expect them not to be rude since they were my guest! Having said that, I think like you said we should all keep trying to improve ourselves! And I think we should make a conscious decision to not let our great past and present accomplishments make us pass the line of proud and into arrogance. When you become so arrogant you stop growing and leaning because you think you know it all. As well as, it simply isn't an attractive quality for a man or women to be constantly bragging! I believe in being a proud women as I am but I don't feel the need to brag all the time about myself. That would just be embarrassing and tacky! Just remember, you can have all the degree's in the world but arrogance and narcissism is a sign of insecurity. One of the greatest signs of intelligence comes from compassion and humbleness!
I agree that you should be proud of your accomplishments and all women should be their own cheerleaders as well as the cheerleaders of other women's accomplishments. Saying that a woman just needs to be 'tall and skinny' and not necessarily beautiful to make it as a model is criticizing an entire industry and the career choice of another cast mate. And not only did you criticize her career but her fiancé as well. Hopefully, viewing this episode now will give you enough to hindsight to notice just how uncomfortable you were making your guests and the point in which the subject should have been changed.
I agree with your other cast mates in the fact that the shower was over the top. The birth of a baby is a big deal to any couple but when the shower rivals the wedding, you've gone too far. Had I not watched the episode, I'd have no idea that it was a baby shower. With all this attention that you seem to crave, will there be enough left over to give to your child?
There are really no words to describe the insanity of that baby shower. Just plain ridiculous. You need to really look at how foolish you look. You are a legend in your own mind Phaedra!
You really fascinate me, I’m uncertain if you watch yourself on this show if so do you truly "see" how you come across? Maybe your narcissistic behavior goes unseen when you watch, my grandmother always said you can't have a conversation with a fool (it's pointless) and ignorant people don't know their ignorant. You insulted Cynthia and her boyfriend and anyone with class would have realized and moved on.. Not Phaedra, she continued and continued and continued.. And then you Blog this eloquent message about Girl Power (interesting)... I have a question where was that classy southern belle you mention on every single episode, I can't wait to finally see her...
Thank you Bravo for once again upping yourself and providing us with great entertainment. How in the world are you ever going to top this Phaedra character? This is television gold.
Be secure in who you are and quit it with all the showiness! Just be humble about your achievements and not boastful. It's tacky and a sure sign of desperately desiring people's approval.
Although so far I haven't real warmed up to you this season, I do agree with your blog today. Maybe if I had been my own cheerleader instead of someone else's I would be a lawyer today too (always my childhood dream).
There are no words.... Phaedra - please bring yourself down a notch. I promise you, you are no better than the rest of us.
i'm so proud that we have a sista like you on the show!!!! the world needs to see that there are educated, successful black women out there. Its not something you see on tv very often. Thanks for representing yourself in that way! HOWEVER, it does (at times) seem like you are trying to prove yourself. From the baby shower to the dinner with your husband. You don't have to constantly point out your accomplishments people can see that on thier own. The fact that you are an attonrey speaks volumes to most people, you don't have to say a word!
Phaedra I totally agree with you that education is important & we as women shouldn't be frowned upon for being confident, but my only thing with you is...you're wayyyyyyyyy over the top! It seems that you try to prove your worth.... we know going to school to become a lawyer takes a long time & it takes dedication, just please STOP with the arrogance..you are really arrogant & I'm pretty sure before this show you were told that plenty of times.
I really hope that you are doing it up for the show. You have to be playing a character. It's hilarious! You go on and on about nothing but you! I was cracking up looking at all of those roses sitting on your head and the rhinestones on the eyelids! All the while, you're talking like the whole event was sooo classy and refined. OMG, Classic Country that made good in the city. You had me dying laughing!
If it's not an act, you have got to watch yourself on the show. If you can't see why people think you're arrogant after watching yourself on the show then... you're arrogant. Either way, it's high comedy!
I have to admit, I am not a fan of yours so far. But as far as YOUR baby shower goes, YOU can do WHATEVER you want - as guady and over the top as you desire. It's YOUR party. HOWEVER, just because a few of your guests lack manners and show up late, as a gracious host, you should NOT turn them away. They came for YOU with a GIFT and you don't allow them in when you invited them?!?!?! That, my dear is NOT southern hospitality! It is becoming more clear with each episode that you do NOT practice what you preach. I am glad you invested 20 years in your education - now invest 20 minutes in an etiquette course.
Dear Ms. Parks, While I agree about other women criticizing other women, I was shocked to learn that both of your parents are pastors. If this is true, then they must have taught you Proverbs 27:2 (KJV): Let another man praise thee, and not thine own mouth; a stranger, and not thine own lips. Please don't mistake the fact that we are to be Godly proud of our accomplishments, however it is better for people to give you the praise. After all the Word is the Word. Just one more thing regarding The Love Languages. "Receiving gifts" isn't exactly a love language if you're the only one on the receiving end. Even if this was your train of thought, when you heard your husband say "quality time" was his love language, something inside of you should have edited your choice. Bringing God into your marriage is an excellent start, however you might want to read Proverbs 31:10-31- THE VIRTUOUS WOMAN.
Girl you don't mind speaking your mind, I must give you that, but there is nothing wrong with a man having children before the relationship. I have a son myself, and I hope that don't make a man not wont to date me for fear of, "crazy kids" or "baby daddy drama". If those were the rules of dating there would be a lot of single women and men. How do you know Apollo doesn't have kids? because he said so!!!! My son's father ALSO SAID SO, just my luck a year later I found out that he not only has 3 kids, but was married and had 2 baby mommas. Do your home work and make sure that he is really CLEAN!!!!!
All I can say is WOW! I was really NOT loving the rose bush in the hair, what appeared to be lipstick the color of your rose bush and the eye make-up. You were most definately over the top!
I am having a problem with your pep-talk about discouraging words. Although you had something to say about words that tear others down, you came right out of your mouth with discouraging words about other people. Rules must not apply to you.
"It is what it is." One of the best pieces of advice I ever received was pregnancy is easy, it is the raising that is hard!" Over the top baby showers, high priced maternity fashion, top design in the nursery don't add up to anything. Child rearing is a mixed bag full of love,disappointment, joy, frustration and so on. I agree that many times WOMEN have to work twice as hard to accomplish their career goals. However, instead of being so boastful, why not help another struggling woman achieve her career goals? You are your biggest fan. While self confidence is great, yours boarders on narcissistic.