Cast Blog: #RHOA

Side Boob is the New Butt Cleavage

Bravotv.com's Assistant Editor selects the top three moments of Episode 12.

 

Happy Holidays, Atlanta lovers! Alas, we are now heading into a two-week holiday hiatus so I hope you got your fix on Sunday. At least you'll have copious amounts of cocktails (assuming your family gatherings are anything like mine), cookies, and cakes to distract you from the pain of the Atlanta shaped hole in your heart. And if you need a major dose of Holiday Cheer, check out our "A Very Housewives Holiday" gallery. If Phaedra's Christmas card photo doesn't put you in good spirits, I don't know what will!

On to the episode. The #3 moment comes to us courtesy of Kim's personal shopping session. Honestly where does Kim's stylist find these clothes? Are they specially made Kim Zolciak couture pieces? In any event, I think the essence of the scene is best distilled into the following quotes:

"You won't be able to see the areolas if we do a bit of a pasty."

"That's the new butt cleavage, the side boob."

"There's a fine line between style and trashy."

Needless to say, from now on I'm retiring all my butt cleavage jeans and rocking major side boob. 

The #2 spot goes to the spa showdown between Phaedra and Kim. I guess when the makeup comes off, so do any civilities. Now we've all been waiting for this moment for ages. There was just something so chilling in the season preview when Kim utters the word "convict," and now the moment has finally arrived. In any event, both Kim and Phaedra were going for low blows. For example when Phaedra said, "Just because you strip out of a nurse's outfit does not make you a nurse, Baby Girl." Eek! I think it's safe to say that's going to come up at the reunion. I felt a little bad for Kim though, since really everyone had been talking about Phaedra's due date and she was the only one who got singled out. But hey, would you be brave enough to step into a 'Housewives' hornets' nest? I wonder if they could actually enjoy the spa treatments after all that. At least they could ease their own physical tension if nothing else. 

And now for the #1 moment this week: Kandi's rascally wig. I've said it before and I'll say it again, scenes involving wigs will always win top honors in my book. I found the wig itself to be a bit strange. It looked as if it was supposed to Kandi's current look if both the red and black hair had grown out simultaneously. I really think she's more suited for shorter hair, but kudos for experimenting with changing it up. 

Kandi does raise a good question: How does Kim keep her wig on so well? I'm thinking Kim turned to science (yet again) and created some sort of anti-tugging (specifically Sheree-tugging) device to go beneath it. A must have for any wig-wearing performer! Now please enjoy Kandi's wig malfunction.

 

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Claudia: Porsha's Been Stank All Season

Claudia Jordan fires back at Porsha Williams for coming for her at the reunion.

Bravotv.com: Were you nervous going into your first reunion?
Claudia Jordan: Not at all! I was so looking forward to it. I thought there would be more drama and it would be more difficult for me, but it was a piece of cake. I thought everyone for the most part looked great in their all white outfits, and the set was amazing!

Bravotv.com: Were you surprised Porsha came for you?
CJ: Absolutely not. She's been quite stank all season. The last time I was surprised at her actions was when we met for lunch way back in the very beginning of the season, because up until a week prior, I thought we were cool enough. Not friends, BFFs, or besties, but cordial acquaintances. But when she kept doing little catty things, I saw what it was. Looking back I understand. I was the new girl, and when a new girl comes on the scene, not all the women will embrace new energy and new personalities; some will automatically feel threatened. I for one love meeting new women and making friends. I think there is nothing more powerful than a group of talented, beautiful, and intelligent women. Check out my Instagram and see the crew I roll with on the daily. It's clear that I live by that. I've never been intimidated or jealous of any other women. I embrace my lovely friends, because I respect them and how they handle their business. I love meeting new people and look forward to learning new things from new acquaintances I make. So to be so closed minded about another person right out of the gate and create a "reason" for it after the fact is just dumb. But at this point, dumbness does not shock me nor does ignorance.

I do want to address one of the lies Ms. Williams told about me at the reunion. I never asked around town for the tea. Porsha started making it clear to the world she had an issue with me, even though I had no idea why. I then heard some completely unsolicited gossip from my friends, but I kept it under my hat -- I mean it was juicy, but it was really none of my concern outside of gossip, and I certainly was not seeking it out. And it would have remained there forever had she had not become so nasty to me. At the end of the day, I don't care what and whom that girl allows to enter her bat cave. But just keep it polite and cute towards me. Don't get caught out there loudly running your mouth about me in hallways. Don't be shady at work. Don't make statements to NeNe slandering me and Kenya, talking about our legs being up in the air and criticizing us for not being married, then complain that folks are slandering you. It's quite simple. And if you know in your real life how you get down, it might be in your best interest not to poke fun, egg on, and laugh at another woman being wrongly accused of doing what you do, because you might mess around and taunt someone that will get with you and spill your room-temperature tea. #DropsMic


Bravotv.com: Are you going to continue to pursue stand-up?
CJ: Yes, I am. I actually did a show that Bravo recorded. They showed a brief snippet of it on the reunion, but I really wish they would show it all, because it was funny! I had a great reception from the audience, and a lot of the girls came to my show -- Cynthia, Kenya, Demetria, and my best friend, Auta. Also most of the morning show came and supported me, and they all gave me props! It felt amazing. It was very empowering and exhilarating to be on that stage and see all those people in the audience cracking up and getting my sense of humor. I've already got some calls and requests for bookings just from people hearing that I want do stand up. I will keep you guys posted when I do some more shows!

Please follow me on Instagram and Twitter @ClaudiaJordan for all the updates on my career. I have been getting lots of bookings, hosting concerts for Ginuwine and Tank. Please check my Instagram for upcoming tour dates. Also I have two films coming out this year called The Hills and Love is Not Enough. I am in talks right now for a third movie to start filming in the fall. This past weekend I got the chance to catch up with a dear friend of mine that got me started in radio-Mr Jamie Foxx. His album drops on May 18th and we were there to support him at his album listening party. Just wanted to share some photos from all the fun times I've been having lately! Life is good and I am happy and feeling loved!

xoxo, CJ

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