Cast Blog: #RHOA

Kandi and Todd's Engagment

Kandi opens up about her engagement and Riley's relationship with Todd.

Hello everyone! So much has happened since the last time I’ve blogged, I don’t even know where to begin…

Well, if you haven’t heard I’m engaged! That wasn’t on any of the episodes. That just happened on New Years. Todd popped the question. I was shocked to find out that at the same time Gregg popped the question to NeNe! Congratulations to them! I guess love was in the air for the beginning of 2013. We all are starting our year off right. I am happy, excited, and curious about what the future holds for me and my family.

I have so much to think about now, so much to prepare for. I’m clueless. We don’t know if we want a destination wedding, or if we want to do it in Atlanta. Do we want a big wedding or a small intimate one? Do we even want a wedding?  Should we just get married privately and do a big reception? Well, I think I’ve axed that one out already. I think we’ll do a more intimate one, but if we did it in Atlanta, that’s not going to happen. It would turn into a HUGE wedding, because I have way too many family, friends, and people in general that I know, who would be offended if they’re not invited. Hmm… this is going to be crazy. I guess I’ll have to get advice from the other ladies in our circle.

Since I’m newly engaged, I’m going to touch on a couple of things in the last couple of episodes that would be related to marriage and family. First I’ll go back to my conversation with Porsha about pre-nups. I do believe in pre-nups. I know that some people feel if you are truly in love and are planning to be dedicated to your marriage that a pre-nup somehow means the person requesting the pre-nup is expecting the marriage to fail. I don’t agree. I feel like it’s a safety precaution. Just like if you have a fire extinguisher in your home it doesn’t mean you expect it to burn down, but you’re just prepared to put out the fire before it starts if need be. I’ve had friends and associates who didn’t get a pre-nup say “they didn’t need one,” “she or he would never do that,” etc. But then later when they got divorced, things got ugly, and the person tried to get everything, they were like, “I would have never thought they would have done that to me,” “she or he is not the person I married,” blah, blah, blah. I feel like people do some crazy and vindictive things when they’re hurt, so I think there should be agreements set in place while everyone is thinking clearly. That way if D-day ever comes (and hopefully it won’t, but if it does), then it doesn’t have to get uglier and more hurtful than it already is. I hope Porsha and Kordell’s marriage lasts for a lifetime, but I will say that I was shocked when she told me that they didn’t do a pre-nup. I don’t know why I was shocked, but I was.  Well, some people like things the good ol’ fashion way, and there’s nothing wrong with that. To each his own!

Moving right along, let’s go to the talk with my daughter and Todd. Riley cracked me up when she said she met him and a month later he was moving in. She was exaggerating. I dated him for a few months, introduced her to him, and a month later he was spending the night a lot. LOL! Todd didn’t move in until we moved to the new house, which probably was nine months into our relationship, six months after Riley met him. It is always a big debate as to when the right time is to introduce your child to someone. It kills me when people like Wendy Williams, who had both of her parents in her life and is now raising her child with his father her husband, dog me out saying what they think about my daughter meeting the man I’m dating. I personally feel if you’ve never been a single parent or the child of a single parent household, then don’t pass judgment. You cannot relate to my situation. I have been a single mom, and I was raised in a single parent home.

What works for me and my daughter may not work for everyone, but I will try to shed some light on how we’ve done things. My daughter and I had a long talk one day, and she told me that she wanted to meet the guys that I was considering dating when we were in the just friends phase. I said to her no that’s not cool because she doesn’t need to meet every guy I date. I didn’t want her to see different men coming around. In response she said, “Well if they are just your friend, then there’s nothing wrong with me meeting them, but I don’t want you to wait until you love them for me to meet them, because what if I don’t like them? Then you may not want to break up with him, and I’ll be unhappy.” That took me back to when I was a kid, and I remembered my mom had a boyfriend that my brother and I hated. She really liked him, but he was so mean in our minds. She kept him around for a while but eventually dumped him because of us. Once my dad married this woman that I thought was horrible. When I was at their house she said something really mean to me one day, and I didn’t feel like my dad took up for me. When I went back home to my mom’s house, I never wanted to go back over there to my dad’s house again. Looking back on my childhood and how I felt as a kid, I totally understood where my daughter was coming from.  I made a vow from the time she was born that if any man couldn’t love my daughter and treat her with love, then he would get dropped like a bad habit. I don’t feel like a kid should meet every person that their parent dates, but if it’s someone you see yourself wanting to get serious with, then why not? Meeting them doesn’t mean you’re being intimate or inappropriate in front of your kids. If you date someone for two years and you’re deeply in love and ready to get married before you introduce them to your child, but then they meet your child and you see they aren’t good with kids or they are mean or they really just don’t connect with your child, would you still marry them? I wouldn’t. So that would have been two years wasted for me.

Well everyone has to do what works for them, and this is what has worked for me and my daughter.  Todd asked Riley for her blessings before he proposed to me, and she was standing right there for moral support when he popped the question. It meant everything to me that she was happy about it. I believe that Todd will be a great step-father to Riley like my step-dad Leroy Jones was to me. I wrote a song about him on my last album. If you get a chance, go to iTunes and download Leroy Jones. I describe real moments from my childhood and how he was there for me and my brother. Great men do exist!

Well, thanks to everyone who sent their well wishes for our engagement and please keep your prayers up for us!OK, on to this last episode. I really want to speak about the Kenya/Stallion Booty vs. Phaedra/Donkey Booty issue, because I got a lot of tweets about this. Some people asked me why I don’t  sympathize with Kenya, because they feel it’s like my business situation with Kim in the past. Well it’s nothing like my issue with Kim. Phaedra was going to pay Kenya up front her fee as a producer. Kim never paid me up front for anything. Our agreement was supposed to be an equal split from profits, since she was not paying a producer fee for rights to release the song up front. Once the money came, Kim said she should only have to pay on publishing and not an equal split of all profits. That’s where our disagreement came in. So basically Phaedra and Kenya didn’t have an issue about the producer fee. Their disagreement was that Kenya spoke to some of her connections and was able to get an offer for distribution. Phaedra didn’t ask Kenya to get her a distribution deal from what I understand, and Phaedra did not want to pay Kenya a percentage of royalties on any distribution deal. I don’t disagree with Kenya about wanting a percentage of a deal that she brought to the table, but if you can’t agree on terms, then you take the deal off the table, which is what happened. They agreed it was best not to do the project together.

But after deciding not to work on the project, Kenya just decided to take the idea and do it herself, and that’s the part I disagree with. Even if she had a deal on the table for a workout DVD, why did she have to basically steal the same concept and title of Phaedra’s idea? Kenya could have done a workout DVD that was not focused on the booty, but even if she was going to focus on the booty, why did she use a title so similar to Phaedra’s title? That wasn’t cool to me. Even though Kim and I disagreed on the music, I never tried to record “Tardy for the Club” or “Late for the Date” or “The Ring Means Everything.” Be original! Don’t plagiarize your friend’s or associate’s idea. That doesn’t sit well with me. I would be too mad if someone I talked to about an idea that I’m currently working on just ran with the idea as if it were OK.

Well, make sure you watch the next episode, because the drama definitely continues!


Much Love,
Kandi

BTW, Valentine’s Day is coming up. Go to www.BedroomKandi.com and get something to spice up your relationship!

Claudia: Some People Have a Vendetta

Claudia Jordan shares her thoughts on the group therapy session.

Bravotv.com: Did you feel like progress was made at the therapy session?
Claudia Jordan: I do and I don't. The main people that needed it were not willing participants. One took off because she couldn't deal with hearing about how her actions affected the rest of the ladies. And the other that stayed, well… she received apology after apology without ever acknowledging any of her own wrong doing. That's not right at all. How is it that the woman on the receiving end of a physical attack has apologized to her assailant on several occasions, yet she has yet to show any remorse? That's downright insane to me! At the end of the day, there are lots of situations in this group where one can claim they were "provoked," and if the response/excuse every single time was physical violence, we'd all be in jail! And the sad thing is in this particular environment I felt that everyone else there was really ready to do the work and participate. So if ever there was a time to drop the ego and do the right thing and apologize simply for the purpose of starting the healing process for the group, then that was the time. Some people are just too stubborn and refuse to humble themselves. That happens when you are babied your entire life -- you feel like you can do no wrong. The rest of the ladies (including myself) however have all apologized and taken responsibility for contributing to the discord. But just pay attention to who never apologizes and who always does. I do not think that is because one "group" has been causing all the negativity in the group. But I do think that is because some have an agenda and a vendetta, while the other group is actually trying to make things cool and move on.


But on the flip side I will say that therapy was beneficial. In that one session we did get some good guidance from Dr. Jeff, who I would like to apologize to on behalf of the group for how he was mistreated. He came to help us and was insulted, disrespected, and his professionalism was questioned, which he did not deserve. So Dr. Jeff, I am sorry for how you were mistreated. The session did just highlight that some of us are mature and able to speak respectfully to one another, even if we have an issue with them, and some just cannot stand the sight and sound of someone we have decided not to like just because. All in all we did the best we could, and everyone who stayed did seem to really want to get along. And things were definitely better at work after the session. We were cordial and friendly.

Bravotv.com: Why did you decide to meet with Dr. Jeff one-on-one?
CJ: I have never, ever once claimed to be perfect or without flaws. And when I say I want to really resolve things, I am not just offering lip service -- I really mean it. If there is something that I am doing wrong that is contributing to any of the strife amongst the group, then I'd like to address it and do my part to work on me. I think most of us have issues with others because of past hurts that we perhaps never really dealt with and that cause us to act out in certain ways that may bother others. I am not saying I do this necessarily, but I have no problems talking to someone to at least try to be a better person. I for sure have made my share of mistakes and have experienced a lot of pain and disappointment in my life, but I've also been extremely blessed. But at the end of the day, my intention is always to grow and learn from it all and to be a better woman today than I was yesterday. Dr. Jeff is great at what he does and was for sure an asset to the group. Thank you, Doctor!

Bravotv.com: Did you and Porsha manage to get back to a better place?
CJ: It seemed that way. But I had made the decision that regardless of whether or not she was going to continue the peace treaty, that I was going to do my part to keep it cool, polite, and cordial. And so far so good.

Again I'd like to thank the fans for all their support and love and enthusiasm for #RHOA! I was in Miami Beach and Miami Gardens with the morning show this past weekend for Jazz in the Gardens, and the love I got from all the fans of the show was next level! I was truly flattered and humbled, and I will never let any of this get to my head and change me. I'm grateful to be a part of this and for all the amazing opportunities that keep sprouting from this. I just wrapped a movie called The Hills that I have a lead role in, which will be out in the fall, as well as another film called Love is Not Enough. I'm also working on a product line (to be announced soon) and more calls have been coming in from Hollywood for more great acting roles. I also had a great time with my girls in Miami and ran into a bunch of awesome people doing their thing that love the show too! I feel so rested and at peace. I'm healthy, happy, and appreciative. #ThankYouGod

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