Kenya explains why reliving the Anguilla trip was so difficult for her.
THIS BARBIE FIGHTS BACK
I’m so happy the trip to Anguilla is over! The emotional roller coaster I was on filled with laughs, fights, and tears is one I would not want to wish on my worst enemy.
Clearly, I did not start the fight in Anguilla, as upsetting as it was to hear someone antagonize you for being a bigger person and wanting to move past former conflict. The recapitulation of the event to Kordell was false and it’s clear by his reaction and questions that he knew it was bogus as well. I have striven to be the bigger person throughout the trip. That is a fact, which is also why I chose to apologize for calling someone out on their name despite being attacked and insulted FIRST. Although I am disappointed by my delivery, I stand firm on my message; the message being no one should be verbally abusive and personally attacked for trying to be cordial. No one should judge someone they don’t know. No one should fight for the sake of fighting. No one should hit below the belt. I know better than to get caught in a web of childish rhetoric, and when you know better you do better. I will do better.
Insecure women are quick to point out perceived physical imperfections of other women. I have purposely refrained from attacking someone and their looks, since beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Despite the fact that I am an actual beauty queen, no one is perfect and I am not exempt. I suffer from acne when stressed and fight metabolism and gravity daily. But I work with what I have. Notwithstanding my attempts at keeping the peace and moving on from a horrendous silly fight laced with inflammatory name-calling, the incessant personal attacks never cease. Hatefully calling me “Miss Raisin Face, trash, tramp,” is a testament to one’s heartless evil spirit, lack of character, and lack of a good mirror themselves. It was equally disturbing to see someone revel in my pain by laughing and taunting in their personal interviews, but it is telling as to the real person one is versus whom they pretend to be. A PEACE OFFERING
I appreciate Cynthia accepting my peace offering, although I did see some tried to make that negative as well. It was a personally autographed copy of a book, my idol Vanessa Williams, wrote. How is this negative in any way and I only received ONE? I don’t even have one myself, so the book was of great value to me. But nonetheless, it was a sincere gesture and I appreciate Ms. Williams for paving a way for Cynthia, countless hopeful young girls, and myself who now thrive in the beauty industry today.
I want to thank NeNe, who made it clear to Walter that it is cruel to lie to or mislead me if he was not going to propose. We all unmistakably heard what he said on the beach. At the dinner he was cold and mean to me the entire time. He came to start drama and that’s what he got. I want to especially thank Phaedra for comforting me during my humiliating “non proposal.”
Despite the previous sentiment, Phaedra did not take the now infamous flirting to heart. A characteristic of a grown, intelligent woman is to be able to see the truth. PRESSURE CREATES THE FINEST DIAMONDS
Much has been made about me pressuring a man to marry me. Despite how it seems at times, I’m not crazy. I am, however, a hopeless romantic and appear anxious for marriage on the show to a man who clearly has his own agenda. On the one hand Walter says there are “3 days left and anything can happen… Anguilla would be a beautiful place to get married or elope.” I assure you my behavior is warranted. My mistake started when you rely on a man’s words and not his ACTIONS.
Unfortunately, I put my trust into Walter and believed his intentions were genuine. His true feelings are being shown to me and everyone else whilst in Anguilla. My trust, respect, faith, and feelings are rapidly deteriorating when I see his duplicitous behavior at every turn. Of course the cameras don’t catch everything a couple discusses. With that being said, our relationship issues will come to light on the upcoming shows. It can’t come and go fast enough for me. If Anguilla was paradise, this is hell to relive.I thank God everyday for the strength and courage to endure the disappointment, pain, and often critical, constant judgment of those who do not know me. To KNOW me is to love me. I have so much love to give and only want to share that with a man who is deserving of the woman I am when the cameras are on and off.
I may not have a husband yet, but I know what love is. Love is kind, long-suffering, patient, forgiving, it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no records of wrongs.
I wish everyone love in his or her lives, whether that is the love of a mother, child, animal, husband or lover, friend, God -- everyone deserves to be loved.
I wish you all love! Take the time to be with your family and experience unconditional love.
Happy New Year!