Cast Blog: #RHOA

Semi-Homemade with Kenya - Ep 4

Bravotv.com's Associate Editor thinks Kenya could rival Sandra Lee.

This week we saw the ladies engage in typical housewife activities -- packing, going to the salon, cooking dinner -- executed in the way only a Bravo Housewife can. This episode practically veered into sitcom territory, to the point where you might have thought it would switch to black and white and Lucille Ball would pop onto the screen. So let's look back at the most wonderful 'Wife moments, shall we?

No. 3 - Baby's First Haircut

First off, Ayden is too precious. His little voice is so adorable, no wonder Phaedra wants to throw him a $20,000 birthday "experience" at the aquarium! But I digress.

Phaedra and Apollo bring in Ayden for his very first haircut at the barbershop. As you can imagine, it doesn't go very smoothly. As soon as the barber approaches with the clippers, Ayden tells him to back off by saying his sleepy, which, as Phaedra informs us, is Ayden's sneaky little way of avoiding things he doesn't want to do.

That's when Apollo steps in to give the haircut, because evidently he is a barber by trade. Huh? According to Phaedra, Apollo used to work in a barbershop himself and still gives cuts on occasion. Who knew? But if that's the case, why did they even bother going to a barber in the first place when they could have just done it at home? Maybe Phaedra didn't want hair flying around her home. But in any event, Apollo basically does the whole cut, and Ayden looks even cuter. I can't help but think Apollo should just open up a barbershop. It could dovetail nicely with Phaedra's funeral business -- Apollo's barbershop crew can also do the hair and makeup of the deceased!

Side Note: Only Phaedra would refer to the smocks at a barbershop as black frocks.

No. 2 - Boxing Match

Kim is not a good mover. She's got a whole lot of stuff, and when she's forced to move, she wants all that stuff boxed and labelled in an organized, logical fashion. But as everyone knows, at that usually falls apart at a certain point and you're just getting stuff in boxes. But that doesn't fly with Kim. Especially when she's paying movers.

So when Kim goes to check the moving progress and finds things not up to her standards, well, it doesn't go so well. "Basement Mix" as a box labeling system nearly gives her a stroke. Tearing into one of the vaguely titled boxes, Kim discovers a margarita mixer and a Santa statue. Now if you ask me, that sounds like a wonderful combination, but Kim is not quite so amused.

I just pray the mover keep their hands off Kim's wigs, because if she finds one of her precious pieces in a "Basement Mix" box, I shudder to think what the consequences might be...
No. 1 - Semi-Homemade with Kenya Moore

OK, not so much semi-homemade as not at all homemade. Kenya tries to woo Walter by preparing him dinner, but rather than just explaining that she didn't have time to cook and giving him the frozen meal she prepared, Kenya goes full on sitcom-crazy and decides she can just fool him into thinking she did. How you ask? Well after furiously stabbing the frozen food tray and throwing it in the microwave, she grabs a pan, throws in two strands of the pasta, and leaves it on stove top. Because all you need to prepare pasta and chicken is a single pan...

However I think Kenya was on the right track at the end -- just accentuate the boobs, and the last thing he'll be thinking about is how you could have prepared pasta in a grill pan.
Next week things get real tense when Kim informs the ladies that she's not coming on the girls' trip. This doesn't look like it's going to end well...

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Claudia: Porsha's Been Stank All Season

Claudia Jordan fires back at Porsha Williams for coming for her at the reunion.

Bravotv.com: Were you nervous going into your first reunion?
Claudia Jordan: Not at all! I was so looking forward to it. I thought there would be more drama and it would be more difficult for me, but it was a piece of cake. I thought everyone for the most part looked great in their all white outfits, and the set was amazing!

Bravotv.com: Were you surprised Porsha came for you?
CJ: Absolutely not. She's been quite stank all season. The last time I was surprised at her actions was when we met for lunch way back in the very beginning of the season, because up until a week prior, I thought we were cool enough. Not friends, BFFs, or besties, but cordial acquaintances. But when she kept doing little catty things, I saw what it was. Looking back I understand. I was the new girl, and when a new girl comes on the scene, not all the women will embrace new energy and new personalities; some will automatically feel threatened. I for one love meeting new women and making friends. I think there is nothing more powerful than a group of talented, beautiful, and intelligent women. Check out my Instagram and see the crew I roll with on the daily. It's clear that I live by that. I've never been intimidated or jealous of any other women. I embrace my lovely friends, because I respect them and how they handle their business. I love meeting new people and look forward to learning new things from new acquaintances I make. So to be so closed minded about another person right out of the gate and create a "reason" for it after the fact is just dumb. But at this point, dumbness does not shock me nor does ignorance.

I do want to address one of the lies Ms. Williams told about me at the reunion. I never asked around town for the tea. Porsha started making it clear to the world she had an issue with me, even though I had no idea why. I then heard some completely unsolicited gossip from my friends, but I kept it under my hat -- I mean it was juicy, but it was really none of my concern outside of gossip, and I certainly was not seeking it out. And it would have remained there forever had she had not become so nasty to me. At the end of the day, I don't care what and whom that girl allows to enter her bat cave. But just keep it polite and cute towards me. Don't get caught out there loudly running your mouth about me in hallways. Don't be shady at work. Don't make statements to NeNe slandering me and Kenya, talking about our legs being up in the air and criticizing us for not being married, then complain that folks are slandering you. It's quite simple. And if you know in your real life how you get down, it might be in your best interest not to poke fun, egg on, and laugh at another woman being wrongly accused of doing what you do, because you might mess around and taunt someone that will get with you and spill your room-temperature tea. #DropsMic


Bravotv.com: Are you going to continue to pursue stand-up?
CJ: Yes, I am. I actually did a show that Bravo recorded. They showed a brief snippet of it on the reunion, but I really wish they would show it all, because it was funny! I had a great reception from the audience, and a lot of the girls came to my show -- Cynthia, Kenya, Demetria, and my best friend, Auta. Also most of the morning show came and supported me, and they all gave me props! It felt amazing. It was very empowering and exhilarating to be on that stage and see all those people in the audience cracking up and getting my sense of humor. I've already got some calls and requests for bookings just from people hearing that I want do stand up. I will keep you guys posted when I do some more shows!

Please follow me on Instagram and Twitter @ClaudiaJordan for all the updates on my career. I have been getting lots of bookings, hosting concerts for Ginuwine and Tank. Please check my Instagram for upcoming tour dates. Also I have two films coming out this year called The Hills and Love is Not Enough. I am in talks right now for a third movie to start filming in the fall. This past weekend I got the chance to catch up with a dear friend of mine that got me started in radio-Mr Jamie Foxx. His album drops on May 18th and we were there to support him at his album listening party. Just wanted to share some photos from all the fun times I've been having lately! Life is good and I am happy and feeling loved!

xoxo, CJ

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