Recap: "I Will F-ing Drag You in This Bitch!"

Ep 1: 'Atlanta' is back and shadier than ever.

I have to start off by echoing Kandi's statement from the season teaser: "I will f---ing drag you in this bitch!"

Why? Because this season is so good that you will be back here reading recaps, watching videos, and indulging in all the #RHOA goodness each and every week! Now on to the season premiere.

NeNe and Gregg are basking in the newlywed afterglow opening all their wedding gifts. Like this Hermes plate from the Giudices:


However what I really want to know is who gave them that painting of NeNe:


Is that the newest wedding gift trend? Because I'd prefer the plate I think. Oh and be sure to check out NeNe and Gregg's wedding album!

There was a moment of hardcore deja vu from last season when Kenya showed up at the Bailey Agency. But as Cynthia was quick to point out, there was luckily no coochie crack on display.

Kenya quickly segued into how disappointed she was that no one reached out to her during the eviction drama and also her annoyance that Walter was invited to NeNe's wedding. And as soon as the name Walter was uttered, this happened:


Clearly the ladies are not eager to start the Walter conversation again.We also get to meet the world's newest dignitary, Phaedra's new son Mr. President.

He may have been "just as pale as Michael Jackson," but he is adorable! As is Ayden, who is evidently desperate to get to the piano store. And fun fact, Phaedra reveals in her blog that Kandi's boyfriend Todd actually helped get her to the hospital when she went into labor.

Side Note: I very much enjoyed learning that Phaedra's Phavorite Phabrics are French provincial, sexy, rich, and decadent.

Kandi is still dealing with people saying she's Todd's sugar momma, but as she rightly points out, she wrote "No Scrubs," so how could she ever do that? Touché.

Then there's Porsha, who's in a much different place than last season after her shocking divorce, which she learned about via Twitter. (Is this the new Post-It note breakup?)

Between learning how Porsha would be locked out for coming home after curfew and that Kordell only visited her in the hospital once after her miscarriage, Porsha's post-deposition scene was a true tearjerker.

Silver lining: Porsha's mom seems like she's going to be a real treat. Don't mess with her little girl! And be sure to check out her home photos of Porsha through the years.

Finally all of our ladies converge at Cynthia's grand opening fete. And everyone seemed to be in a good place...until Kenya rolled in.

Phaedra and NeNe quickly managed to make themselves scarce, Phaedra perhaps winning the award for funniest shady comment of the night: "Thank god for Derek J and his hot paints and heels. He whisked me right away from that beauty queen on bath salts."

But everyone did unite eventually and things got tense between NeNe and Kenya real fast. NeNe was having none of Kenya's sass about not reaching out to her during the eviction (which NeNe called out as "foolishness" in her blog).

Did anyone else gasp an "Oh no she didn't!" at that ear grab?


But as much as Kenya wouldn't let it go, NeNe sashayed her way out of the party shutting her (and "Gone with the Wind Fabulous") down as she did. Ouch! Not an auspicious start for these two. And from the season teaser it doesn't look like these two are going to be fast friends anytime soon...

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