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Camille Grammer

Searching for Clues

Camille reflects on the uncanny foreshadowing in this week's episode.

Dec 9, 2010

Hello to all of the fans of RHOBH.

This week's episode was another exercise in emotion for me I did know that watching the show throughout the season would be difficult for me at times. I am constantly bombarded with the bad memories of the demise of my marriage. I knew that old memories and emotions would be stirred up. What I didn't expect was to actually see and remember the clues that I didn't understand at that time. My marriage was about to come to an abrupt end. This week's episode had this heart wrenching effect on me: it was the scene where I am talking to my best friend Dedra about a phone conversation I just had with my husband.

Just to explain a little bit of background for you: the plan for our family had always been for Kelsey to move to New York City by himself in February and start the rehearsals for the play. He said he wanted to go out on his own for the first few months because the rehearsal schedule was very grueling, and he wouldn't have much time or energy to give the family the needed attention we deserve. To move then would involve taking the kids out of school and bringing them cross-country to a new school in the middle of the school year, and during the cold East Coast winter. I would have, of course, done this if he had wanted us there. But under the circumstances it made the most sense for him to leave without us, for the kids to finish the school year and to join him once school let out for the summer. I flew to New York City in February to search with Kelsey for an apartment, as well as to find a school for the kids. They were to participate in a summer school program during July, and then enroll at their new school in the fall. We agreed upon staying through February 2011 until Kelsey finished his run with the play. At that time we would return to Malibu, our friends, and our lives of the last 13 years.

Now back to the phone conversation, Kelsey told me that he had decided he wanted to move to New York full time. He said he felt appreciated there, and he gave me his reasons for wanting to make this move permanent. During the conversation he never once mentioned the impact the move would have on our family. Although I had no real interest in moving back to the East Coast at this time in my life, my biggest concern was uprooting our family. My children are happy here and they have friends and activities that fulfill an important part of their lives. But I assure you, if it was important enough to my husband to do this in his life, I would have supported him and moved. Not because it would have been the easy thing to do, but because I loved him and wanted him to be happy too. Now as I look back on this phone call I realize it was a pivotal moment in my life, and that left me so uneasy. The conversation was fraught with unsaid words and feelings. He was dropping hints, but nothing concrete. At the time it left me sleepless and without appetite. My mind was spinning as it was all new to me. I didn't know what was real, what was imagined, or what I may have misunderstood. What do I share with friends and family? Who do I turn to? It was so confusing, overwhelming, and troublesome.

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Camille,

The fact that you said "At the time it left me sleepless and without appetite. My mind was spinning as it was all new to me. I didn't know what was real, what was imagined, or what I may have misunderstood. says to me that you had all those "insecurities" going on when you spoke to Kyle and you misinterpreted what she said. It is truly unfortunate that people's marriages end. But I truly believe that none end abruptly the signs are always there and if you really think about it nothing was really "new" to you. I wish you well.

Next weeks clip showed you for a second when everyone is fighting grinning with delight. Sad Sad Sad. I do feel extremely bad for all that you have gone through personally in your life. I am a firm believer in you get what you give and when you go looking for trouble it will find you. I think you setup that dinner to bring all the drama to a head and making yourself look like your an angel. You seem very passive aggressive and hopefully everything that has happened to you recently has made you humble.

It's nice to see you explain things... Thank you... Still think a lot of your behavior has been totally wrong, but I do feel bad for what you've had to go through in your marriage.

Camille, Thanks for sharing alittle about yourself and what you are going through. I know that it must be extremely emotional to put on a brave face for your viewers. Keep up the good work. I hope you didn't sign a pre-nup.

Camille, my thoughts and prayers are with you in that God grant you a peace that passes all understanding. You ladies have been a joy to watch this season and unlike many of the other cities where housewives reside, you all have class, intelligence and (believe it or not) money. It's refreshing. take care

Camille,

Although I do really feel for you and what you must be feeling while watching this episode in regards to your marriage, I cannot help but be appaulled and ashamed at your behavior while at dinner with Nick and your other friends. One, you need to get over Kyle and stop bringing that situation up- it makes you seem obsessed and catty. Once again, you continue to prove that it is you who is jealous of Kyle- plus we all know she didn't say what you thought she did so move on!! Kyle is AMAZING and was only trying to reach out to you and make you feel welcome!! I ADORE Kyle(and Kim and Lisa!!!)

Second, You are beyond inappropriate with your friend Nick- the comments you make cross so many boundaries and it's getting creepy to watch you hit on him week-after-week. It is VERY DISRESPECTFUL to his wife, and I dont care how close of friends you are, you NEVER hit on another friend's husband. Period.

Kyle makes a comment next week about you and she hit the nail on the head with it- she says "People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. And you just threw a boulder!" How very true this is with you in ALL aspects of your life!!! You are not as innocent and sweet as you are trying to make us believe you are. I am sorry about your marriage and wish you well in this painful time. I hope you are learning from this experience(being on the show) and changing your arrogant and self-absorbed ways so you can be a great role model for your children as well as many young girls who watch the show!!!!

Camille, you keep saying you want to just bury the hatchett with Kyle and be done with it. You said that after she apologized to you in NYC. The thing is you DON'T bury anything! You keep bringing it up. Do you do it for attention with your friends? Wouldn't they like you if you didn't have drama to bring to the table. By now I'm sure you have reflected on your life (you should have) you need to let things go or you will loose more than a husband!

Camille,

I am sincerely sorry about the breakup of your marriage and the fact that it hapens to be on national television. I beliieve this is a very private thing and should not be a part of everyone elses business.

On another note, I don't really know what to make of you. In some scenes you seem so generous and caring and in others you come off as a very witchy person. I am sure you don't want to hear this and I don't like saying it, but I feel like the issue between you and Kyle is blown way out of proportion. Even if she did say what you claim, I would have thought you would have been the bigger person and let it go. You could just as easily call her on it and then let it go if she doesn't fess up. Instead you went to battle and sadly I think you lost in the eyes of the public.

I like watching you and I think you have a beautiful life in general. I don't think people are interested in Kelsey-they want to know you. I think you think people like Kelsey and want to know him through you. At this point this is a mute subject and I am disappointed in him.

Stay strong, take care of you and show a little more sincererity as your blog does and little less materialism.

At times I felt like you needed a PR coach to keep you from saying and doing some things. I bet you could have quite the career in showbiz if you want it. You're gorgeous and have a good head. Keep improving and doing what you need to do.

Happy Holidays! Lisa K.

Camille, are you aware of how often you smile and grin during the conflict scenes with Kyle? Whether it's the actual fight, you rehashing it with your friends, or your private interviews, you are always totally grinning. I watched next week's previews and you do it there, too. Maybe it's some kind of defense mechanism, but it's impossible to watch those scenes and not think you're totally loving and feeding on the drama. By contrast, while Kyle definitely loses her cool, it seems pretty obvious that she hates the drama and has been torn up about it.

Camille, this has to be, in my opinion, the most sincere of your blog posts. It's scary, to put yourself out there. It was nice seeing you with your mom on the show. (p.s. I now the season has already been taped, but for future reference...girly girl, three words...let it go!..It should have stayed gone up in the hotel room in New York when Kyle spoke to you privately...regardless of who said what to who and with what intention) Now, this is the first time I watch a "Real Housewives" series and comment on any tv show. Have a great holiday season with your little ones...keep on keeping on.

Camille, You really have set yourself up. I am sorry for what you have gone through.this year. My problem is you signed up for this program, and I hope you have learned from watching the shows that you totally screwed Kyle. You can have some great friends if you stop hating on all the girls. Please watch the past episodes, maybe you can learn to have good girlfriends, without them being on your payroll. You seem to love all the guys and talk smack about all the girls. I hopeyou are doing okay, try to act like the rest of us, you and your kids will be stronger,happier,and will gain from giving, without telling the world how great you are,how talented you, and how much better you are than everyone else. I hope you will drop your I am better than everyone and I am going to let everyone know. watching you reminds me of highschool, andI am 50.

Wow. So big of you to extend an olive branch. And to try to build a bridge. When it appeared to me that you were the cause of all the discord to begin with.

I do feel for you. I, too, was married to a man who became engaged very soon after he we separated and we were still married. My ex suffered from manic depression and I know the joy when they are up and the horrors when they are down. It is very deceptive to be around them because when they are happy, it is nearly impossible to feel unhappy, but it is a very melancholic high. You are so right to see that it wasn't what he was saying, but what he was not saying. But some very good advice I got from my episode was to 'watch what people do, not what they say' and if someone tells you they are troubled, take them at their word that they know themselves better than you ever could.

I hope you and Kyle can mend your fences. Sounded all along like her words being taken the wrong way, colored greatly by the undercurrent of tension which was boiling in the distance. Words don't need to be spoken for tension to convey.

Good luck.

Camille, I can't imagine the pain of having your private life play out so openly for millions to see and dissect. There is no easy way to end a marriage but some thought and effort needs to go into it when children are involved. You don't want your children to be traumatized or have their mother an emotional wreck. Children pick up on things like that and it hurts them. For the way Kelsey's handled this, I've lost respect for him. Hope you are taking care of yourself for your and your children's sake. You're a strong lady, Camille, you will get through this.

Camille? i have a feeling you are misunderstood alot? Im sorry for your marriage ending and i truly hope you find happiness and peace soon. Im sure looking back u see signs u didnt at the time...hey we have all been there. I just wanted to let you know my heart goes out to you. Head up , chest out...and take his ass for everything he has:) Good luck to you.

i simply do not like the waqy you are handling the situation with kyle. you have beatten this dead horse until it cant even be made into a rug! considering you act aas though you are so much more classy than she is the way you are acting is diametricly different !

Camille, you are wonderful and beautiful. Thank you for sharing your deep thought with us. I wish you and your family the best in life.

stop picking on Kyle U have bigger problems than being jealouse of another women! i feel bad that u are going through a bad time with ur husband u should et help

Camille...I now understand some of your behaviors. Deep down you knew that Kelsey was pulling away...therefore the wanting affection and attention from other men that you feel comfortable with in your life. I agree that Kyle has a very sharp tongue and needs to shut it many times...but I do think that you knew Kelsey was pulling away and felt in your mind that Kyle said more than she did. But...of course the way Kyle talks to her sister, maybe she did say it and doesn't want to admit it to herself. You don't need to brag, you are living it. Enjoy your kids and forget Kelsey.

"Extend an olive branch" indeed. You obviously never let it go and intended to pounce on Kyle with your "friends" about the issue. That said, I do feel bad for you about your marriage. Men are strange animals and it truly is what they are not saying that matters.

Camille,

It seems to me that you are a polarizing "character" on the series. I honestly thought you came across as snobby and pretentious in the first few episodes of the season. On last night's episode I began to see that maybe you have been coming from a place of (the dreaded word) insecurity. You seem fairly intelligent and so you must have had some clue about what was about to happen to your marriage. But you probably weren't sure, and therefore insecure. Regardless of anything else, I don't know how I would hold up if my marriage were to disintegrate suddenly. I think you have done a great job of handling the situation with grace and class, and maybe you should apply those skills to your relationship with some of the other women.

I wish you well. It really is cliche, when a man has to be with a woman who looks like his daughter, to feel validated.

I think you come off as a very self involved person that is very spoiled and stuck up. But in your post you let people hear how human you are and how hurt you have been. Your entire life has been turned upside down and I wish you the best of luck. Perhaps you put up a front for the world and that is how you are mistaken for a very shallow person. Please let people see the real you if you are in there and from the way you wrote that last blog there is a real person in there.

Take Care

Camille, I truly believe that you get what you put out there. And so far, the behaviours you have displayed on the show do not show you in a good light. I hope you use take the opportunity for self reflection and growth and develop in a more positive way.

Camille, My heart goes out to you and your kids. Divorce is hard enough, but having to do it in the public must be even more difficult. I too have gone through a divorce and found out that my husband decided to separate after 25 years of marriage via email . But, you are a kind and beautiful person. Keep busy with your wonderful kids, and surround yourself with your true friends. It takes time, but life will get better. Stay strong!

Camille, I wish you well. It must be terribly difficult reliving that time in your life. It is clear that you loved your husband and it must be an incredible shock to your system that things have turned out as they have. Keep your faith and know that time will make things better. Above all, don't pay attention to any of the negative comments.

camille..i love u and feel for u...every version of the real housewives they make some one the villain....it's disgusting that they r trying to do that with u...keep your head up n your eye focused on the prize...I SUPPORT YOU!!

Camille:

You may get some bad press for your luxuries.. but you know what... if we had it we would enjoy the mega life you live to the fullest too. I have been in your situation and it is often "not what is said" between two lovers that is painful. I feel for you and wish you the best! Does Nick have a twin for you?

This is your first blog that I feel I could really connect to, more than any of the others, except maybe Taylors. I am sooo sorry for all the pain you have endured, cannot imagine. That phone call must have been one of the hardest moments of your life. I think before others judge you they should remember all you have had to endure. I think you are a good person who is hurting and it has manifested itslef in many ways, not all flattering and some overly sensitive, but who wouldnt' be overly sensitive in your situation??? I totally get it and understand. Just so you know I and many others watch the show not only like you but are rooting for you and hope you find happiness, love and peace once again!

I have to admit I didn't feel as connected to you as to some of the other housewives right away, probably because my communication style is very different from yours (I'm a bull by the horns person, probably not to the extent that Kyle is but still...) however when I watched this episode I felt so sad for you. You were so happy to have your family together in New York and to know that any episode now Kelsey is going to pull the rug out from under you, is breaking my heart. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

I think you enjoyed the fact that Kyle husband was selling you your Homes. You said " I just do not think I can use him as a real estate agent AFTER what Kyle said. Honestly, looking @ all of the housewives husbands with their children and wife I can see why someone would look @ Kyle w/ envy with her perfect husband. Yes I said perfect gorgeous husband Point You would take money from their family because you misunderstood Kyle. Sorry you had to get into a problem with the most down to earth lady on the show. I believe Kelsey was trying to get you to find your own way in life and you made a mockery of attempts to make friends for yourself. Kyle is far from a homeless person and the threat of you pulling your business away from her husband is very immature. You are a lovely lady act like one

Dear Camille, I'm so sorry for the way your husband has treated you... I am sure you want the best for him, however, a younger woman for him will, in the end, come back around to bite him. With regard to Kyle, I do feel you are being rather unfair and using all the bad emotions you have around the end of your marriage on her. I know it's difficult to let things go sometimes but I think it would be better for all concerned if you did. What are you achieving by drawing the whole thing out?! You will just create more hurt for all involved. Take care and best wishes for the future.

Your blog this week showed a very human, sincere side to yourself. It makes me wonder if what were have been watching is a facade. There are many things you have said or done in the past that came off as offensive. I wonder how much that had to do with the situation you were in. I have yet to meet anyone going through a divorce because of lies and betrayal not go off the deep end a bit. It makes us human and in the end we dust ourselves off and move on with life usually for the better. If it helps at all I divorced after 30 years walk away with half of everything and thought it was the end of my world. The truth is it was the best thing that ever happened to me and I could never have dreamed how wonderful my life is now. I'm sure your future holds the same.

No one really knows what goes on in a marriage accept the two people involved. No doubt about it, you were blindsided, and it is unfair to have something so private and personally painful made fodder for the media. Hope you are healing and learning to trust again and that you find someone a little less self-centered and who is interested in you and your children.

I didn't know what was real, what was imagined, or what I may have misunderstood... i think you summed it up for yourself..

It was so nice to watch the other women move on from a small misunderstanding from 3 or 4 episodes ago. They are doing great things and having fun (Kyle's bike ride, Adriene & Taylor at the charity event, Lisa's episode at the DMV). We can only hope that you finally stop talking about this and move on yourself!

If Kyle's husband can unload your over priced real estate, in this market, you'd be wise to use his services. It is a stretch to say that he is your employee. He could decide that you are too hard to work with, and decline your request for his services. An employee does not have that option.

I believe you used Kyle as a "whipping boy." All the angst about your crumbling marriage seems to have been unleashed on Kyle.

I really wish you well during this difficult transitional time. For me it was the loss/betrayal of my best friend.....the former husband. Good friends and time took a lot of the pain away. Take care of yourself. Your mother is lovely just like you.

Kate

Laughing so hard at next weeks preview..is that Faye Resnick...from playboy HILARIOUS!!! at least you call it like you see it doll! keep your chin up!

Actions speak louder than words. One can write/blog what he or she wants but in the end what we do....... speaks volumes.

It's a pitty you still obsess about Kyle. She is not that important. Yes, you show us that you are insecure. But still you seems to be more likable in this episode when you act calm. I'm sorry for what you went or still going trough, but now you have opportunity to fall in love again and find yourself a handsome husband, nothing like Kelsy. :)

Camille, Its obvious that the pain your were feeling maybe you wanted otheres to feel pain as well...hey your human! I think the Kyle thing is because her husband wweworked with yours and its a simple case of transference. Once again your human. I think it is HORRIBLE what Kelsey has done to you - what a jerk. You seem to truly be a sweet person going through a really really awful time. If we all search inside ourselves we will see that we have all behaved on a similar level at one time or another. I hope you catch a break.

Some of the comments on this page are really over the top. Let's just review the Kyle / Camille fight for a minute.

Camille and Kyle are business aquaintances. Even if Kyle didn't say that people were more interested in Kelsey, not Camille, the smart thing for Kyle to do would have been to at least apologize for the misunderstanding. This is what a mature person does to protect a business relationship. Instead, Kyle got defensive and was just short of yelling. Again, not mature. Then to add fuel to the fire, Kyle later tells Camille she is sorry that Camille is insecure???!!! Who says something like that? It's condescending to say the least. Frankly, it was a jerky, snarky comment. And personally, if someone had said that to me I would have found it insulting.

I like Kyle, but started this, not Camille. And she's also pretty condescending to her own sister - getting jabs in whenever she can. Pretty sad, actually.

Unfortunately for Camille, she comes off as a bit cold and overly flirtatious with her male friends, which automatically makes the viewers want to side with anyone else on any altercation that arrises on the show.

Keep your chin up about all the comments. People just dont realize how hard it is for you to be confronted with grief that happened months ago.

God Bless.....

Wow! I couldn't have said it better!!!! I'm totally sympathetic to your situation; however, your behavior is less than desirable. You owe Kyle an apology (at least of what I have seen on the episodes)! At the end of the day, you've totally embarassed yourself with the comment about your husband being so high and Kyle and Mauricio being so low. You need to learn from Kyle how to have a humble spirit. Kelsey was so wrong in treating you the way that he did (especially for the world to see); however, you do need to be able to stand on your own for yourself. May God bless you thru the hard times you are experiencing and know that Kelsey wasn't your first and he won't be your last.

Camille....I just saw clips from next weeks show and I can not understand how extending an olive branch means inviting someone to your home for dinner just so you can attack them!! Kyle apologized and you attacked her at dinner and now you are doing it again!! What is wrong with you??