Defense Mode

Brandi picks apart her Beverly Hills debut and tells us what she really thought of Lisa.

Tonight marks for me my first episode on RHOBH! Yeah! I feel so blessed to have become a part of this wonderful TV show.

Watching the show was a new experience for me because I am not used to seeing myself on TV! I, of course, picked my appearance apart like any girl would do, from my talking out of the side of my mouth, to making funny faces, or to how my hair and makeup looked (we do it ourselves).

After the insecurities subsided, I was able to sit back and really take a look at my interactions with this group of people. Needless to say, Paul and Adrienne are wonderful, cool, and honest people whom I adore more and more as time goes on. No BS with those two.

It was hard watching myself hobble around on crutches. I have been crutch free for four months now and seeing myself on crutches brought back bad memories of frustration and underarm rash. . .ouch!!!

Getting a bird’s eye view of what these women were actually saying behind my back was a little hurtful. At least Lisa said things to my face (although I was very intimidated by her). I respect that so much more then than behind your back gossip. I don't think these women were being very fair to me, but girls will be girls. I really believe that you get in life what you give out in life, so they are owed some catty b---hiness coming back at them! I do admit it is a pretty silly look to be rocking a stiletto with a crutch but I do EVERYTHING in heels and a little broken leg isn't going to stop me!

I really don't think these ladies gave me a fair shake. I have been through an extremely hard couple of years that I wouldn't wish on any woman! My family was broken apart and I was devastated while trying to raise my two little boys as my world crumbled around me. Knowing these women now, I’d like to think that if they had a little more background on my situation when we first met they would have been nicer.

Sadly I leave this episode in defense mode. Being a bitch is never sexy, but sometimes it just has to happen! I hope that people see that I genuinely am making an effort with these "ladies" and will continue to try!

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